Roles in a relationship

[Stone]

I was talking Greg tonight :roll: and we got into the conversation of ROLEs in relationships.

What do you think the "role" sort of speak is for a man or woamn?
Do you think they should be equal? sharing the same responsibilites, bills, chores ect. or do you think it's better to play "roles'

( Dr Phill at his best :roll: :? )

[Merika]

I think each couple has to find what works for them. Some couples are happier living within traditional roles and others seem to prefer to share and swap roles.

If people discussed this before they were married to make sure both are seeing it the same way....I think more marriages would stay together. I think it's also important to agree on which areas each person has strengths and weakness' in.

[Star]

I agree with Merika. Whatever works with the couple. Dr. Phil would say that everything has to be equal but I do disagree with that because everyone is different in the way they make their relationship work.

For example, as dr. phil would put it, hubby and I have somewhat of a child-parent relationship when it comes to finances. I'm the one who takes care of finances. What bills need to be paid, how much money we needs for this, that...I do all that and always have. I'm better at budgeting and jugling then he is and he knows it so this works for us.

I look after the household chores. I make the meals. I do everythiing that has to do with the inside of this house (except for repairs, he does that). That's okay with me because it's the least I can do since he's out there busting his arse working long hours everyday. He should have clean clothes, his lunch made and meals ready for him when he gets home. It's my way of saying "thank you" for taking such good care of us financially.

As far as shopping for things for the house or a car, we do that together. We choose our material things together.

It works for us!

[Stone]

I meet Greg in the INDEPENDANT phase of my life. Our dates we're dutch, when we moved in togeather everything was split 50/50 we had seperate bank accounts, we paid our own personal bills ect.

Later I started picking up responsibility twards his business witch i volenterred for so I set my self up for free work ( nothing new for me :? ) but now maby just since I am pregnant I want someone to take care of me for a little while, at least untill the baby is 1. and this just seems like a huge shocker to him like I changed the deal

[Star]

Originally Posted by Stone

I meet Greg in the INDEPENDANT phase of my life. Our dates we're dutch, when we moved in togeather everything was split 50/50 we had seperate bank accounts, we paid our own personal bills ect.

hubby and i started off that way also when we started living together. We would split all the bills, groceries and rent in half and we would both pay half. after about 2 years of that, I had his child then that stopped. He paid for everything.

When we had the construction business, I took care of all the finance part, paperwork, payroll, all to do with the office part. He just worked and brought in the money. We ran that from home so it was okay.

but now maby just since I am pregnant I want someone to take care of me for a little while, at least untill the baby is 1. and this just seems like a huge shocker to him like I changed the deal

do you mean that you want to stay at home with the kids for this period of time? If so, there shouldn't be an issue about it. that would be maternity leave no?

[Stone]

During the summers I want to stay home with the kids, and if I am self employed I should beable to arrange my schedule where it is convient to have a sitter but not for to long. I don't like the idea of kids being in Daycare untill they are atleast 1 years old.

After Ally is born If I just sold one insurance contract a week, that would be sufficent income because I get paid residual income. OR if worst came to worst I could dance 2 nights a MONTH and make up for any lost income. I could ONLY do this if I am in a relationship with Greg if I do it alone I have to work 2-3 jobs AGAIN

I am trying to calculate all of my options, but Greg isn't the type to take care of anyone.

[darkangelism]

I am all for tradiotional roles, where the women takes care of the house and the man takes care of outside the house, though they can both work.

If i was in Greg's position i would be finding more work, so that the mother of my child wouldnt have to for awhile.

[Vautrin]

Everybody should decide what works best for him / her.

Myself, I would prefer somewhat slightly reversed roles, compared to the traditional ones.

I would prefer to work part-time, preferably from home. In that way, I would not lose my precious time on traffic, and travel but on matters of importance . Making enough money to live on. And allowing myself the time to write when it is convenient.

What gf / wife does is a bit irrelevant in this, as I can see both the alternatives work somehow. But of course, either way it takes a good discussion.

Of course if I had children, I would not mind to look after them (after they have grown into male-handleable creatures that is).

And Stone: Is it about Greg in particular, or would any man suffice for you? I am totally unawares of the legal rights he has to Ally, and how that translates into financial responsibilities towards her.

[Duke]

Doesn't Greg understand that having children changes things a bit? Personally I can't imagine carrying a child around in my body for 9 months and then having to leave it at any age, nevermind one.

I honestly think the guys a bit of a selfish tard and needs to give his head a good shake. As far as roles are concerned, what exactly are the roles supposed to be? I know that in the dark ages it was working man, bare foot and pregnant stay at home mom, but thats changed substantially. I think so long as you both can strike a good balance between hapiness, financial comfort, and family values then everything should be fine. Does it really matter who takes the garbage out?

[Merika]

Originally Posted by darkangelism

I am all for tradiotional roles, where the women takes care of the house and the man takes care of outside the house, though they can both work.

I feel pretty much the same way....mainly because I don't mind doing housework....but HATE yardwork.

I agree with Duke and V though....it doesn't matter as long as each couple is happy with the way things are arranged as to who primarily does what.

Stone....in your situation I think it's sad you have to stay with Greg, who isn't making you entirely happy, due to finances. However, a great many young women find themselves in this position. Juggling kids and jobs are hard to do and it's even harder when you are single. You have your parents to help to some degree...but the responsibilities are huge.

Only YOU can decide it it's worth it or even if there is any viable way you could support both kids alone after Ally is born. You may just have to ride it out for awhile until you get through this pregnancy. Greg will have to pay child support....but probably nothing else.

I was wondering if you could advance your career by taking a home computer course from one of those online universities? It would put you in a position to make better money down the road.

[Stone]

I'll will most likley be dancing shortly after she is born, I have started training already. and eating friggin only rice and veggies (puke) This way I can be home with both of them work 3 nights a week and do my insurance part time. I will make enough money to get ahead again.


But the business is rough and I am 24 already, the cut off is really 27 and that's pushing it. all the men love fresh the young meat :? :roll:

I've moved back home with Greg because my mother is driving me nuts and I am only dealing with his crap untill Ally is 2-3 months if things dont CHANGE DRASTICALLY. I'll get away from him then and just do the plan above.

[darkangelism]

if you start dancing again, i think every guy on this site is booking a flight to florida.

[Samson]

I honestly think the guys a bit of a selfish tard and needs to give his head a good shake.

Ditto.......... :evil:

the cut off is really 27 and that's pushing it. all the men love fresh the young meat

Cut off? Somebody passed a law that prohibits stripping after age 27? How interesting. :P

Heather....................I really wish you the best. This whole story sounds like it would drive me well beyond eating rice and veggies, which really means that, IMHO you're a much stronger person than you give yourself credit for being.

Seriously,
Samson

[Duke]

I'm curious, does moving back in with Greg mean he's back in the picture and if not, is he aware of it?

[Stone]

Nope it means we share a home, I stil sleep with Noah. and I am only there when he isn't.

He's ar the bar most nights anyways :roll: