Relationship Success

[Samson]

When do we believe we can sit back and say: By Oden and Thor, I've finally had a successful relationship?

Can a marriage end in divorce and still be successful?
Can any relationship be successful outside the monistary?
Is a relationship built around one night of wanton lust after consuming a six pack supplied by a complete stranger successful?
What about a relationship that lasts an hour and costs $200?

Should Samson have begun more than one thread?

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Samson

Is a relationship built around one night of wanton lust after consuming a six pack supplied by a complete stranger successful?

I think this one could work.

Seriously, I don't think there is any one particular recipe for finding a good relationship/marriage. I think sometimes you can find something quite wonderful.....but then it plays itself out. I'm not sure that indicates anything is wrong with either party.....it's just the last chapter of that romance has been written....and it's time to close the book.

[Duke]

What defines a good relationship? I really don't understand how anyone can actually define one either, which is one of the reasons I usually look stupid responding to posts such as this one.

If I was to go through my life and pit men relationships vs women I'd have to say that they were equal. Of course for the men it's been friendship but when you guy friends know much of your innermost thoughts isn't that too a form of intimacy? The thing that complicates matters is sex, which is why all documentation regarding relationships is always focused on the opposite sex.

I have a problem with that though. I've been backstabbed or betrayed to one level or another just as much by guy friends as lady partners, prolly more by guys if I were to take a count. The fact that I'm heterosexual means that when I refer to relationship success/failure I can only talk about women right? It really makes no sense to me especially when you look at divorce stats, relationship stats, etc.

- My oldest and dearest friend is a woman.
- I'm closer to my mother than my father.
- The best person in my life is my daughter.
- I communicate more effectively with my brother’s girlfriends than I do with him.

I think I'm confusing the issue as usual so I apologize. This isn't meant to be a hi-jack either just some questions that seem to sit somewhere in the back of my mind.

[Cindy]

I think trying to define what a successful relationship is can be compared with trying to define what a normal person is. There is no definition. Normal for one person can be totally abnormal for another. I don't consider myself "normal." Do you? Does anybody? What the hell IS normal?

In my opinion, a "successful relationship" can only be defined by whether both parties think it is successful. My marriage is far from perfect, but in both our minds it is successful. Others may look at it and think it is not. I don't really care, because whether they think it is successful or not doesn't matter, as long as we do.

If you loved the person enough to marry them, had kids out of that love and built a family together, it was probably a successful marriage. Whether it continues to be successful is something only the two of you can determine. In other words, just because it doesn't continue to be successful indefinitely doesn't mean that it never was.

"Is a relationship built around one night of wanton lust after consuming a six pack supplied by a complete stranger successful?" Hmm...well, it can be successful, even if temporarily.

[Stone]

[quote="Merika"]

Originally Posted by Samson

.....it's just the last chapter of that romance has been written....and it's time to close the book.

I am really loving that Merika it makes alot of sence to ME! but it makes me ask another question..... if there is no more romance should there be no more relationship/marriage?

[Merika]

I think as Cindy pointed out....how can you define a successful relationship?

Maybe it lasted a night, a week, a month or several years. Does the LENGTH of the relationship determine it's importance or even fulfillment?

Maybe relationships are like taking pain killers.....you don't have to take them forever for them to represent in your life what they need to represent for the time you needed the representation. It's doesn't minimize their value.....or their effect.....it just means you may come to a path in the road when you know longer feel they are beneficial. Beyond that ... perhaps you even realize they are the ball and chain holding you back from moving on.

[Meanon]

Can a marriage end in divorce and still be successful?

My answer depends on how I feel at the time. Sometimes, it feels like a whole marriage can be infected by the spectacular failure at the end. At other times there's more balance and it's more like you may have many years of success followed by a few years of failure at the end. If you look outside the narrow definition of the relationship as a measure of success, then anyone who has kids will feel they have succeeded in creating beautiful people.

Can any relationship be successful outside the monistary?

Yes

Is a relationship built around one night of wanton lust after consuming a six pack supplied by a complete stranger successful?

One night of wanton lust is not a BAD place to start, is it?

What about a relationship that lasts an hour and costs $200?

That's not a relationship, that's a transaction. Nothing wrong with it if that's what you want, everything wrong with it if you want more.

Should Samson have begun more than one thread?

Yes

Sex, intimacy and love - they are so closely linked and people often express one through the others, while other people are able to compartmentalise very effectively. Knowing which type of person you are and what you want at any given time is critical to having successful relationships.

[Star]

Originally Posted by Meanon

Is a relationship built around one night of wanton lust after consuming a six pack supplied by a complete stranger successful?
One night of wanton lust is not a BAD place to start, is it?

hubby and i started by consuming a case of beer one night at my place together. he spent the night and never left (it's been 15 years together now) so yes, a long lasting relationship can come out of that. :wink:

[Merika]

Ahhh.....very nice Star. A woman after my own heart. I rest my case!

[Duke]

Originally Posted by star_64

hubby and i started by consuming a case of beer one night at my place together. he spent the night and never left (it's been 15 years together now) so yes, a long lasting relationship can come out of that. :wink:

Mind you he hasn't sobered up yet either

[Samson]

Well then, the concensus seems to be that success in a life or a relationship is relative. Essentially marriages (or, any relationship) that end in divorce are only "failures" if that's how either spouce chooses to define it.

Regardless, there seems to be a social norm that equates divorce with "failure," much like it was a business venture between partners that went bankrupt.

Overcoming this stigma is essential.

The number of respondents that feel positive about the relationship between beer and "success" is quite encouraging.

Perhaps we should all concentrate more on brew, and less on our relationship "failures?"

[Merika]

Well, perhaps...just because a relationship didn't work out for a 'lifetime' doesn't suggest it wasn't valid for the time it DID work out....nor that it was an unmittigated failure.

Dating is doing good shopping. Love is hit or miss. It takes awhile to pull the two together into a perfect union in which both parties chose to stay in for a lifetime.

[Samson]

All I'm saying is it seems we are to quick to beat ourselves up over the "end of a relationship." Additionally, we hesitate to end relationships (particularly men who view failure as a loss of masculinity) when we insist on viewing endings this way.

The only person that has "failed" in a relationship is the person that tells himself/herself they have failed?

Well, not exactly. You have a social choir of others whose judgements you're gonna need to overcome is you're gonna believe that despite the end of a relationship, YOU are still a SUCCESS.

In fact, being able to maintain this mindset (DUKE LISTENING?) will make you all the more attractive, and increase the liklyhood you your being able to "move on."

I sure do hope I remenber all this when I need it one day! :roll:

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Samson

Well, not exactly. You have a social choir of others whose judgements you're gonna need to overcome is you're gonna believe that despite the end of a relationship, YOU are still a SUCCESS.

Do you think this is why many men stay married long after the reason to be there has passed? Not specifically in your situation....but overall.

[Cindy]

The number of respondents that feel positive about the relationship between beer and "success" is quite encouraging.

Perhaps we should all concentrate more on brew, and less on our relationship "failures?"

:cheers:

You have a social choir of others whose judgements you're gonna need to overcome is you're gonna believe that despite the end o