I'm a CHICKEN

twinkle · 03-12-2005, 05:43 AM

I have 2 major project 'till Monday to finish... and he's coming over tonight. Aaarrrggghhh, my timing sucks big time and I am soo chickening out!

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

In 3 weeks I'll be free as a bird - my exams are O.V.E.R!!!! Youpppii. Hopefully by that time I shall be a free woman also.

Guys, my Turkish friend didn't get the visa... jeeez, I've never even thought of that possibility. 3-rd of May is getting nearer and nearer!!! Cool!!!!!

Duke · 03-12-2005, 09:31 AM

Don't chicken out twinkle, you're only hurting yourself by allowing this to continue.

twinkle · 03-12-2005, 09:33 AM

I've already finished one project. I'm working towards the end of the second. I can't see straight before my eyes. I think it's gonna be the shortest break up in the history of human kind.

It's 16h 30 here, and already wish I were sleeping.

I'm not, Duke. At this specific moment, he doesn't quite exist, to tell you the truth!!!!

God, exam time. Blah!!!

Duke · 03-12-2005, 09:36 AM

You're such a great gal twinkle, I'm so glad you're here :!:

twinkle · 03-12-2005, 10:05 AM

Same right back atcha, Duke

!!!!

I'll probably realise what happened in a day or two... But by then, there'll be other presentations... no time to mourn. Don't know if it's good or bad! My heart is little little and pounding really fast... I just want to get over this.

Samson · 03-12-2005, 10:45 AM

Quote:

My heart is little little and pounding really fast.

You know, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Twinkle; I love your writing. And I don't think you even try to make it good; it just is.

Hope all went well.

My heart is little little and pounding really fast- samson :wink:

twinkle · 03-13-2005, 06:25 AM

Well, I've done it. IT was horrible. He thought I had been over it - the girl stuff... didn't see it comin' at all. It must be the most horrible thing I have ever done.

I barely slept last night, I have puffy eyes and 100 pages of the history of prison to resume.

I'm a mess...

Vautrin · 03-13-2005, 07:20 AM

Chin up Twinkle. Breaking up is always the hardest part of a relationship, if it does not work.

And don't blame yourself for giving him an unexpected blow. If he were sensible enough he would have seen it coming, and also would have made certain that it did not have to come that far.
You did not do anything 'horrible.' In his eyes maybe, but in yours not. Accept that that crucial difference is real.

Star · 03-13-2005, 07:24 AM

awe twinkle,

breaking up is always a hard and heartbreaking thing to do; even you're the one doing the breaking up and you know it was the right thing to do in your heart. Time heals all wounds. Hang in there, you'll get through it.

big hug for you!

twinkle · 03-13-2005, 08:34 AM

He keeps messaging me... OMG... it's not that I don't believe he doesn't mean it, I just can't take it anymore.

It hurts like hell, we have at least 1000 pictures taken last year. Duke, could you please take off the gallerie the pics where we're together?

My friends tell me I'm crazy for leaving him for such an unsignificant event. But it like it stays with me forever. I cannot not think about it one day. Even when I'm at school, it's still behind my mind... poisoning me.

And it's so scary to be all alone. The time here reminds me of the best times we ever had - last spring we spent together. He was a different person, or I didn't know him the way I thought I did.

I cannot wait to get over this stage of bitterness!!!

Stone · 03-13-2005, 08:37 AM

Do whatever makes you happy my dear, A few days from now you will know if you made the right choice. IF you didn't I am sure there is room for reconciliation.

twinkle · 03-13-2005, 09:02 AM

****, Heather, I made such a mess!!! If I couldn't live with him before because of his semi affair, I sure couldn't live with the guilt - I made him suffer like a dog

!

He's messaging me twice every hour, already. I just want to be alone now and cry. I'll look horrible tomorrow. Of, well!! Like the last 6 Mondays!!

Stone · 03-13-2005, 09:09 AM

Ahh your beautiful and everyone looks horrible on mondays take a break today you've been thru an awaful lot lately. Take a nap a hot bath and maby go for a walk and clear your head. He'll be around for the next couple days I'm sure so if you want to change your mind later you can just don't do it now. Concentrate on YOU not him not school just YOU

Merika · 03-13-2005, 09:50 AM

The hardest thing to do is break it off with someone you care about....but you know just isn't right for you....especially when they don't feel the same way. It takes being tough and firm about it.

Personally, I would disable the IM. Only when you cut contact does it allow your head to think straight. It's REALLY hard to do though Twinkle. I totally understand and feel for you.

I wish I could help you and do it for you.....but it's one of those crappy times in life when the only person who can end it all...is you. I'm sorry....cause I know how you feel.

= tears for Twinks!

Samson · 03-13-2005, 10:54 AM

Quote:

barely slept last night, I have puffy eyes and 100 pages of the history of prison to resume

Interesting choice in reading material considering you just may have escaped. :?

Anyway, Twinkle, hope posting and reading our words of support has some small impact. Obviously, I wish more could be done.

BTW: It sounds as if friends and aquiantances believe you made this decision based on one slip-up, an insignificant dalliance he had outside your relationship. But I've never believed this was true based on what you've posted.

What I have thought is that you had simply become less and less enamoured. That being the case, probably better that you move on now than move on later. Believe me, once the fire is out, the FIRE IS OUT!

twinkle · 03-13-2005, 11:26 AM

All I want is a clear break. I don't need or want any more dramma...

I wish for all the crappy process that follows the break up to just ... dissapear. I have 20 more pages and I'm done.

I think he'll come over at my place after work. I'd better be ready for part II

.

Sish...