I don't want to try anymore

[Stone]

As you know my b/f and I have had problems lately, or I guess you can say I have had problems with him. I tell him how I feel he says he'll stop doing this or that and nothing changes, Most the time it isn't really his fault, I'm just so aggravated with him and have so much resentment that I won't get over it, every time I tell him this isn't working he says "lets go to counceling" "We have to make it work" I really don't want to make it work anymore the whole realtionship is a disaster, and I should have left him several months ago before I got pregnant.... (Witch I can't believe is even possible because we only have sex once a month!) anyways I am still living in my son's room and I want him out of the house. He refused to go, He wants to work things out, he says we can't split up if I'm pregnant.

Do you think I am being unreasonable? Should I try counceling? I've gone to counceling with him about his BiPolor but we never talk about us, This realtionship is just tiring me, I really don't want it anymore.

[Samson]

Could he be right? Do you have a common law union that must be legally disolved? It seems, at any rate, that he will have some individual rights as the father unless you decide to end the pregnancy (which, based on what little I know about your value system, doesn't sound like an option for you)

Since you've already made up your mind about the relationship, it sounds like you need to speak to an attourney, not a counsellor. Many (including myself) make the mistake of placing resources into counselling when they could be better utilized paying a lawyer. If I were you, I'd have him removed from (your?) home, and place a restraining order preventing his return. Then I'd seriously consider terminating pregnancy (but that's me).

[Duke]

He has rights to the unborn child but none to Stoneheather, if she wants him gone then he should start packing.

I hear your pain SH but I think the problem is that your dealing with who you are rather than who he is. I think you and I are very similar that we can be pushed and pushed again but once we hit the limit then there's no going back. Anything and everything pisses you off and the only way to make it stop is a change of scenery.

I'm not 100% sure if this is you, but I am sure that it's 100% me.

[Star]

The end result of whether you stay or leave this relationship is with you. Your the only one who's feeling it and knows this relationship.

Perhaps counseling isn't such a bad idea. It might help you figure out what it is that you want ... to stay with him or leave. It sounds to me like he wants this to work if he suggested counselling. Counselling doesn't hurt.

As far as the baby goes, even if you end up breaking up, he's still responsible for this child financially and emotionally. Staying together in an unhappy relationship because of a child never ends up with great results. The child will suffer emotionally because children know when their parents are unhappy. It's not fun nor is it fair for the child IMHO.

I hope that things get happier for you soon SH. Whatever you decide, I know it will be the right decision for you.

[Stone]

Duke that is me 110%

[Duke]

I kinda figured it was so from a previous discussion/spam session we had a few weeks back. I have no advice or insightful words to help you because I'm not sure that I'm over it either (been single for a while). Now I've got a gal coming over from the other side of the universe so I better make sure I look at myself as hard as I look at her.

Also, if you're anything like me, you lie to yourself about how much things bother you and over-analise a lot as well. I usually decide that I'm being to picky or something else stupid and try to write things off but they never truly go away, they just hide under the surface in some kind of a subconscious queue waiting to come to the surface the next time I'm really angry. I think this time around I'm going to be more "up front" with anything that bothers me and see how it goes.

[Merika]

I'm with Star....maybe counselling will give you guys the outside insight needed to see if you even want to persue the relationship any longer. It would probably be easier to one day tell your child that you guys DID try in every way possible....but decided you would both be happier, thus better, parents if you weren't together.

[Stone]

Duke- yep you nailed that is me to the tee

Maby I don't want to go to counceling because I know if I go our relationship will work ( I know this doesn't make sence) but I really don't love him anymore nor do I think I ever will. he doesn't even love himself, he can't fight his own deamonds, he has ALOT of mental problems and I've tried and tried to get him help and he just relapses, I don't want my children to see this behavior. I understand Bi-Polor is a very serious disorder but I know it can be controlled and I am sick of not knowing what the next day will bring or how he will act.

I don't deny the fact that he loves me, why wouldn't he I'm 12 years younger, I'm attractive I run his business for free, I take care of the house, I pay most of the bills, i make every single decision because he wont', He does nothing but breathe. EURGGGG Thanks for listening to me rant.

[Fayebelle]

Have you seen any info on the book He's Just Not That Into You? Well it also works in the reverse. You just aren't that into him. No reason to blame or make excuses for him or you- you just aren't that into him. Period. End of story.

If you ever hope to have a civil parental relationship for the sake of your child- I'd suggest you seperate before one of you ends up hating the other. No matter what you do he'll be hurt for a bit- but the longer you drag it out- the longer he'll resent the delay and justify feeling "used"

[Stone]

I'll get that one next right now I am reading "co Dependant no more"

I swear theres a book for everything LOL

[Fayebelle]

This one will soon be a movie

http://sev.prnewswire.com/entertainm...3122004-1.html

An excerpt

http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/e...just-not_x.htm

a review

http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/e...just-not_x.htm

This is a WONDERFUL book! Every single woman (and man- I feel it works in the reverse too) should own it. Oprah even did an entire show devoted to it (not part of her book club)

Plus- how can you not trust a male writer from Sex in the City? LOL

[Meanon]

I know people who have no love for their partner and have found it again through counselling or just through sticking together for long enough to work through their problems.

Having said that, I do believe that once a relationship reaches a certain degree of alienation, there's no way back. I'm at that stage, as with you there are specific problems which have tested us to destruction and now it's not recoverable, even if there were changes. I know that for certain.

Don't rush into a decision, stoneheather. Stop trying to overcome your resentment, if it's too much of an effort. I think you'll reach a point where you've had enough and then you'll act but these things take time to come to terms with. In the past you've reacted quickly and then when the second thoughts and doubts have hit (as they always do) you've got back together. What will be will be, just make it as easy on yourself as possible at this difficult time.

[Duke]

If it was me Stoneheather, I'd likely allow myself to stew in it until I'm ready to snap. Then I'd snap, kick him out and beat myself up over how insensitive an arse I am.

Counciling for me would only prolong the agony and make for some type of "false realationship" thats only doomed to fail in the long run. When the bad far outweighs the good then it's time for a change of scenery.

SH, one time I actually made a pros and cons list and it pretty much spelled in black and white what to do. You may want to give it a try.

BTW, I'm not against you seeking therapy for the record. I know I personally wouldn't allow myself to be badgered into it though. Either you want to go and work it out or you don't. Going because someone is strong-arming you into it only means your mind won't be too open to new ideas and/or change.

It's funny, this whole topic I've been addressing SH but ina way I've really only been talking to myself, weird.

No matter what SH, you have my caring and support as I'm sure you do of everyone here!

[Stone]

Maby I'm your twisted Clone :twisted: :twisted:

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Stoneheather

Maby I'm your twisted Clone :twisted: :twisted:

You know, I was wondering the same thing. Virtually everything you've said was a flash back for me, as were my responses.