I am leaving him and that's final!!!!!!

[Duke]

An oldie but a goodie

[Meanon]

I agree that many problems in relationships can be traced right back to the beginning, to fundamental personality differences. People spend a lot of time trying to change their partner's character, rather than accepting someone as they are or finding someone else.

Other problems, such as poor communication, are much more about reactions. Responding in ways that are learned, that feel comfortable but weaken the relationship. These can be changed, I've seen it many times myself.

So really you need to think about how much it's him and how much it's the way you are both reacting that's causing the problems.

If you are leaving France very soon then your current approach makes sense. If not then do think about why it is you fear being alone so, twinkle. You said you were relatively happy alone, you can be again. It's been a long time that you've felt like this. Don't settle for unhappiness out of fear. Even if you choose to stay, knowing you will be OK alone will make a difference to how you feel about the relationship and about yourself. Your ex is history, don't let his opinion be onethat matters to you.

It's hard to let love go but sometimes it's not enough and if it causes you more distress than happiness then it's healthier to leave. I know you feel weak but that may well be because you are in an unhappy relationship, they tend to have that effect. You'll feel stronger alone, maybe not at first but very soon. Plus there are many great people you may be missing out on.

Staying because you think it will improve or because it's ending soon anyway makes sense. Staying out of fear doesn't. Life is too short for pointless suffering.

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Duke

You should come to Canada, we have interesting ways of keeping warm.

You have interesting ways of trying to pick up women!

[darkangelism]

it wouldnt be duke if he didnt say something like that. Besides special lines are needed for special women. 8)

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Merika

You have interesting ways of trying to pick up women!

The interesting part is some women seem attracted to it, don't ask me why.

[Stone]

No Twink you should come to FLorida!! Me and Merika can show you a good time.. If I wasn't so prego I would come visit you in DC

[darkangelism]

Isnt fayebelle near DC? And everybody should come to NY

[twinkle]

Why? I do hesitate.... Please tell me why?

Don't worry, HEather, hopefully it won't be the last time I come to the US .

Love,

Twinkle

[Merika]

Originally Posted by darkangelism

Isnt fayebelle near DC? And everybody should come to NY

When Meanon gets here....we will for sure think of a way to meet up with you DA....even if I have to fly you to where I'm at.

[darkangelism]

Originally Posted by Merika

When Meanon gets here....we will for sure think of a way to meet up with you DA....even if I have to fly you to where I'm at.

i have been planning on a meet for over a year now,lol, when she comes ill be sure to be there, the longer i wait the better chance i have of being able to afford it though.

[Meanon]

Why? I do hesitate.... Please tell me why?

It's very hard to let love go. People need love. We get used to seeking it in the same ways, from the same people. We become dependent.

There's nothing wrong with that as long as it's mutual, healthy, makes us feel happy and good about ourselves. When it starts to make us feel miserable then, hard as it is, we need to find more constructive ways of meeting our emotional needs. Have courage, twinkle, you are far stronger and more resilient than you may feel right now.

DA, as soon as we sort out where and when we'll let you know. Get those white dancing shoes out .

[Samson]

People need love. We get used to seeking it in the same ways, from the same people.

I disagree, and perhaps Maslov would also: What people need is security and safety. Self-actualization (Self-esteem) is supposed to be a "higher need."

Confusion between "love" and security seems to be the root cause of most relational discord.

[darkangelism]

ewww Maslow ...i have studied him like 20 times.

[Duke]

Isn't that the name of the dog that was sent to space on Sputnik?