Have you ever sabotaged a relationship?

[Samson]

I know I have just because I felt it was easier to make her want to leave than to break her heart by telling her it was over.

Easier for who?


No meaning to accuse you of being selfish. It would certainly be the pot calling kettle black. But I want as amicable a breakup as possible, to the extent that rather than the traditional opposition of lawyers, I hope that a mediator may be employed in a cooperative effort to preserve as much normalcy for our children as possible whilst we salvage whatever lives we have left to live.

Will eating beans before bed-time really accomplish this?

[Duke]

Thats a fair question Samson and I don't have a good answer for it. I've had gals who have threatened suicide because of a breakup and that's about the same time I developed this sabotage method. Maybe it makes it easier on me as well, I can't be sure, but I refuse to carry guilt for making myself happy. I do everything I can to please others so I have no qualms about sometimes taking care of myself. For the most part, I almost always put my comfort in the back seat though.

[Samson]

Now we'll never know the power of beans before bedtime!

Thats a fair question Samson and I don't have a good answer for it.

-Duke

[Merika]

I think there are many factors which come into play....such as how long you've been single (not the same as wishing you were), how long you've faced your own crisis (as opposed to shouldering them with someone else)
, how painful your last separation from someone was (in terms of feeling that loss in a child's presence or something else important to you) or any number of things.

There can come a time when the loss you've sufferend due to a relationship you started out believing in.....can bring you to a point of realizing that within your own 'singleness' you are safe. It's not at all
the fear of the loss of another love....it's the loss of MUCH MORE. It's the loss of a lifestyle you thought you could rest in or could have children in which were supported by two parents in one home....or just trusting someone who proved to be untrustworthy.

After some of those things.....being single seems like the car you have in the garage. It's not the best car....nor does it bring you great joy.....but the SOB cranks each morning and gives you a minimum of grief. It's hard to trade that in on a CHANCE of something better.

That's MY opinion.

[Samson]

There can come a time when the loss you've sufferend due to a relationship you started out believing in.....can bring you to a point of realizing

The question is how can we realise that within your own 'singleness' you are safe" BEFORE you marry? And the second question is then, if we realise this, then why marry at all?

This is why I support a manditory waiting period. Sort of like buying a gun, but intead of having to wait a week or so before your ownership of a firearm is legal, you gotta wait several years before the marriage is legal. Until the time is up, either party can just walk away with whatever they brought to the party.

Good idea, or not?

Perhaps rather than law, each individual has the right to put this language into a prenupt agreement, or it is already defined in common law unions.

[alkali]

I believe marriage contracts are an option in some areas, at least it was when I got married in Ca. a century ago. A five year would be about right in the begining. Children/support issues would have to be factored in.

or how about, as part of a marriage license having to post $2500 bond to cover the legal fees of a no fault break-up or be payable to a spouse done wrong. That could be refundable after X amount of years of marital bliss.

[Merika]

Originally Posted by alkali

or how about, as part of a marriage license having to post $2500 bond to cover the legal fees of a no fault break-up or be payable to a spouse done wrong. That could be refundable after X amount of years of marital bliss.

Hey....you might have a real good idea there!

And the second question is then, if we realise this, then why marry at all? .....by Samson.

EXACTLY! ..... by Merika.

Actually I was referring to the people who divorce then have such a poor memory....they marry again. I've done it. It's got to be on the very tip top of the RETARD LIST!

[Duke]

It's not due to poor memory, it's due to finding love all over again. If I called it quits after every failed relationship I'd be posting this message from my small room within the monistary.

[Samson]

I've heard an interesting theory that divorce is only the END of a relationship, not necessarily the FAILURE of a relationship. Ergo, a marriage could be quite successful up to its END through the death or departure of one or the other spouse.

Clearly, success is relative: For some, a "relationship" is only "successful" if it keeps them out of monistaries, and for others it is "successful" if they can squeeze a couple of free drinks out of the deal. :twisted:

OK, I'll start another thread! :wink:

[Merika]

I just don't know that 'having a relationship' is all that fabulous and wonderful. In my life....it would just cause too much confusion. My kids aren't at an age where some guy is gonna say 'Oh...aren't they CUTE?". it would be one heck of a challenge at this point for someone to integrate into my life in that capacity.

Then again, love can hit you smack between the eyes when you least expect it.

I have no idea how I would respond if that happened. I'd probably turn all silly and giddy with stars in my eyes......... and nauseate everyone with endless chatter about my 'love man'. HAHA!

[Samson]

UMMmmmmm.............Merika, it was you who I was thinking of when I suggested some might consider success if a couple of beers are thrown into the deal!

[Merika]

You are right. That was on another thread/post....and yeah....I guzzled it right up and responded to it. It ALL makes so much sense to me.......

Dr. Icehouse....the Doctor of LOVE!

[Samson]

You're my kinda girl Merika!! :twisted:

[Merika]

[Luba]

I don't think I've ever sabotaged a relationship/ I'm still married.

But friendships have been sabotaged by the other person...and when I find that out...I have no trouble letting it go...but I do suffer somewhat about what I think I've had....