The hardest moment of Divorce

[Merika]

Meanon asked once on another forum what was the hardest part of me getting a divorce.

I said it was packing the first box.

This is when I made the first step to go along with the decision.

For anyone else who has ever been divorced or leaving a long term relationship....what was your hardest moment?

[Duke]

Saying goodbye to my daughter, it still is the hardest thing I have to do in my life.

[Meanon]

I'm not at the end yet, so I don't know.

So far it's been hardest in different ways at different times. Emotionally, when I was full of doubt about what to do for the best. Practically, now - seeing the effects on my children.

And I've yet to pack the first box!

[Star]

I was never divorced but have left relationships. I can say the hardest thing was throwing them out (because i always moved them into my place - before children) then the reality of them not coming back. The feeling of being alone again took some time to get adjusted. You get used to seeing and talking to this one person everyday then all of a sudden he's gone. It's a lonely feeling.

[Stone]

I was never "legally married" but consider myself married to Noah's father I lived with him for 5 years.

The hardest part for me was losing the contact I had with his faimly and having to go to court with a man I once loved and fight for my child, child support ect. Even though I knew everything was in my favor I hated that we needed to go to court.

[Duke]

Ya court sux.

[Cindy]

The hardest part for me was realizing that my husband was NOT going to agree to a divorce and was, in fact, going to make it very difficult for me. as a result, he dragged the whole thing out for two years before he finally agreed to sign the papers. The whole time he made me out to be the "bad guy" to my son, which only hurt him in the long run. Seeing the effect of it all on my son was definitely the hardest part.

[Duke]

I hate it when kids suffer, so often they are the innocent victim of controversy.

[Merika]

I'm not sure the 'situation' hurts the kids....it's more like what Cindy said...when one parent tries to get back at the other parent by using the kids emotionally. I used to tell my kids I THOUGHT there Dad had joined the Merchant Marines and was stuck in ice in Alaska...to keep from telling them I didn't know where he was.

Your ex-fiance may have been a jerk to you Duke....but she seems to have done a wonderful job of raising your daughter and being fair in the relationship you have with Paris. Most men in your position aren't so lucky.

[Samson]

The hardest part for me was realizing that my husband was NOT going to agree to a divorce and was, in fact, going to make it very difficult for me.

Ditto................so, far, anyway.

[Cindy]

From my own experience as a child of divorce and also going through a divorce myself with a young child, I feel that the most important thing to remember is not to ever put the kids in the middle of a fight between the two adults. It can also be the hardest thing to accomplish.

When emotions are running high, and especially if you see the other person telling your child things that are untrue or in any way harmful to the child or to you, it so so hard to hold your tongue and be the mature adult in the situation. But they will respect you so much more in the long run, trust me.

No matter how badly you want that child to know the "truth" about the situation, it does not help them! They don't need the truth right then, they need YOU. They don't want to know that the other parent is wrong or has done something bad or that you don't love that person anymore. They just want to know that you both love THEM and will always be their parents, no matter where you live.

The hardest part of my parents' divorce was having my mother bad-mouth my dad...a LOT. I didn't want to hear that my dad was an alcoholic, a bad person, a loser. I was nine years old for God's sake. I loved my dad. He had never done anything bad to me personally. And even if he had, I would have still loved him because he was my daddy. I wanted him in my life, no matter what. I knew he loved me...he told me so. I didn't want to hear how much he hurt my mother. That was between THEM.

Even at nine years old, I understood that they couldn't live together any longer and were getting divorced. But all I wanted to know was that they both loved me and they would both continue to be in my life forever, no matter what. That's all I needed to hear. I resented my mother for the way she talked about my dad. I still do to this day, even though I love her and have a decent relationship with her. It could have been better had she not done that.

My father died when I was 20 years old. It was terrible. I know my mother regretted that she had spoken about him the way she had, but she couldn't take it back. And now he was gone.

I tried to think about that and how it felt when I was going through my divorce. I wanted my son to continue to have a relationship with his father as much as possible, no matter how I felt about him. It sometimes took all I had not to say the things I was thinking about him or to try to protect my son from him when I knew he was saying things he should not say to our child, when he was on his visitations with him. It was something I couldn't control. I could only control how I reacted to it. Because letting my son see us fight would not have helped him at all.

I just continued to love and support him and as he got older he figured things out for himself. They have a wonderful way of doing that. As they get older and ask questions themselves, that's when they want and need the answers. He went through many ups and downs in his relationship with his dad, and still does to this day, but I know he appreciated the fact that I didn't try to interfere and let them work things out for themselves, and always always encouraged him to have a relationship with him, no matter what. Our life on this earth is never guaranteed, and when he goes, I will have no regrets.

Jeez, this is turning into a journal entry. Sorry. Maybe I should start a blog. Except nobody would read it. :roll:

[Merika]

I think if my kid's dad wouldn't have ditched them for 6 years...it would've taken forever for them to figure out what a jerk he is. As I posted before.....I could only get by with the Merchant Marine story and his ship possibly being stuck in the Antartic Ocean in ice....for so long. LOL!

Luckily, we live in an area where most of the kids are from broken homes or have never met their Dads. All the kids sit around and compare who has the worst one. I'm glad they can all get together and make jokes about the situation....but it really is terribly sad.

Maybe if someone taped it and aired it on tv....lots of Dads would realize what SOB's they really are when they treat their kids like puppies....rather than human beings with feelings.

[Meanon]

My worst moment seems to be changing day by day.

How can you keep the kids out of it if both parents feel that they have a right to live with them?

The hardest part for me was realizing that my husband was NOT going to agree to a divorce and was, in fact, going to make it very difficult for me.
Me too.

Mind you, my worst moments pale in comparison to Merika's and Lorros's which gives me a) hope that I will come through it OK or b) LOTS to look forward too. Not sure which to think yet!

[Duke]

Joint custody if you live close enough for them to go to the same schools.

[Meanon]

That's only possible where there is compromise and agreement. So often, that's not what happens.