Epiphany

twinkle · 03-06-2005, 02:52 PM

I've had an epiphany today. This is not what I want. I did something I didn't do in long time: listened to some Latino music. Maybe you find it silly, but I adore dancing. And I did dance in my room. The hell with dead lines, I'm in tittled to my 30 minutes of dancing.

I've realised that it was not what I wanted. I've realised I've been depressed for months, that I wasn't feeling pleasure in doing anything, including living. I'm sorry, he gets me down, he makes me feel unsure and this is not how I want to live my life.

I was listenting to that music and ... I realised I didn't feel that excitement in ages. Maybe it's my fault for letting it get this far.

I actually wrote and sent him the message I wanted him to send this other girl. He said he'd do it. I just don't care anymore. I've decided I wanted out.

So if you have any ideas about how I should break up with him, it would be great. I feel stupid, 'cause I've stayed with him through so much crap, and now... I don't know how to tell it to him, how to act... At firstI thought I wanted revenge. Right now all I care is to simply end this as quickly as possible.

Waiting for your crazy suggestions.

Thank you all for being here for me, for listening to me, for putting up with me all this time.

Love you all,

Diana

Stone · 03-06-2005, 03:02 PM

Dear _______<

You make me unhappy, I can't deal with your flirting and I want to be single and happy again. don't call me because I will be out dancing!

( I LOVE Salsa music, it's so freeing)

twinkle · 03-06-2005, 03:07 PM

IT's so weird, Heather, because also I have thought about it many times, it's so relieving to let it out. I know I would miss him, but I know it's not even a matter of choice. He makes me miserable. I do love him, but he makes me utterly miserable.

Twinkle

P.S SH, I have this rule against dumping bf on IM and text messaging

.

Stone · 03-06-2005, 03:10 PM

Oh and that's a dammed good rule, I have learned to go prepared to say my thing and leave, otherwise if you don't leave ASAP.. they beg and cry and I usually fall apart.

I guess we are kind of in the same boat, apart of me misses Greg, and theres another part that is relieved, and happy that he's gone.

Vautrin · 03-06-2005, 03:35 PM

Twinkle, I don't know what exactly transpired between the two of you, but I guess I can imagine. I don't remember if you are living together (I thought he lived at his parents place)

If you want to do it stylishly, and suspect there might be something going on, with the two of them, you could do the following. Let him bring her over at his parents place. He has his own room. Let them sit down. And say to her loudly: "You take him. I am done." Her reaction will be telling.

Then take your leave, and don't let yourself be bothered if he comes running after you.

Of course if you want to have a real break-up conversation, this method won't work.

Sorry for the pains you are in now.

twinkle · 03-06-2005, 04:40 PM

Oh, Vautrin, I don't even know this other girl. I'll PM you some links so that you get the picture.

darkangelism · 03-06-2005, 04:42 PM

You just have to do it, you know what you need to say, just do it so that its over, and you dont waste time.

Vautrin · 03-06-2005, 04:46 PM

I knew you did not know her, and have not met her. If you strongly suspect something is going on between them, her reaction will betray her. I have rarely met a woman who could control her emotions completely.

Remember she does not know what to expect from you, and that is an advantage in itself.

That is why I suggested this more classic course.

Samson · 03-06-2005, 05:23 PM

Find the hunkiest guy you know, strip him down, throw him in bed, then have Pierre over so you and your new friend can let him know in no uncertain terms, that you've "found other interests and his services will no longer be required." :twisted:

Meanon · 03-06-2005, 05:37 PM

Good for you Diana.

I've been thinking about you, hoping you would find the courage to act. Life is too short for pointless misery. The choice was an important one not just for now, but for the lessons it will teach you about how to live the rest of your life.

Fear of being alone, missing a loved one - these are hard things to face up to but doing so will enable you to find happiness again. Once you start letting fear dictate your actions it's a hard habit to break. It's also almost always futile, people get hurt anyway despite (and often because of) their attempts to protect themselves. Far better to learn to trust your instincts, take the risks and go for what you want despite the fears.

He loves you and you still care for him. Be kind but be clear and firm. I wouldn't go into the whys other than to say that despite the love, neither of you has been happy and both of you deserve more.

Meanon · 03-06-2005, 05:39 PM

Though on second thoughts, the hunky guy option could be more fun!

Duke · 03-06-2005, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samson

Find the hunkiest guy you know, strip him down, throw him in bed, then have Pierre over so you and your new friend can let him know in no uncertain terms, that you've "found other interests and his services will no longer be required." :twisted:

I'm available

Twinkle, you don't owe him any explanation, just dump him. If he doesn't understand why your doing it then he's a bigger clown then I previously thought. He knows that he makes you unhappy and unsure of yourself and that just doesn't make for a nurturing and healthy environment. Continuing to stay with him is only going to do more damage to your self esteem.

Merika · 03-07-2005, 09:19 AM

The only way to effectively break up with someone is to walk away and keep walking. Don't glance back over your shoulder..... Put everything that reminds you of them in a box, avoid mutual friend and places where you hung out together for awhile and find new interests to fill in the empty space of time.

If you do this successfully.....one day you'll wake up and wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place and will be able to move on with your life in peace.

Meanon · 03-07-2005, 04:19 PM

Have you found peace, Merika? I've found and lost it so often I'm beginning to wonder if it's possible.

twinkle · 03-07-2005, 05:17 PM

Girls, if you do find it, please send it right to the address of the White House, those guys really need clear heads. (ok, not a Bush fan here)

It's so strange to hear you sepak of peace, Meanon. I wanted to post the fact that yesterday must have been one of the most horrible nights ever because I actually confronted the fact that I was breaking this relationship. So I must have hit an extreme low... This morning however I could still fuction, even properly, may say. I'm far from being a happy camper, but it's something Duke said that go to me: the feeling of a normal relationship. I was looking at people inlove in busses and trains today. I know it's not relavant, but they looked so serene, so peacefull.

So yeah, something must be totally wrong.

I feel the difference in mood at another level also: I feel attractive. Swear to God I was like knumed for months... I was checking guys out (didn't happen in ages!!!). So Vautrin, you were partially right, maybe it was a form of depression... I think I was simply unhappy...

I'm more and more confident that this is what I need to do each day... waiting for the week end to make a clear cut.

I'll keep you posted, eveyone.

alkali · 03-07-2005, 08:53 PM

How about something simple like "this relationship is a downer and I want out. Good bye and have a good life"

Do it in a neutral environment so you have an exit. It can then become a short conversation without a bunch of explanations and excuses.

Star · 03-07-2005, 09:13 PM

The way I used to break up with guys most of the time was on the phone. That way I didn't have to look at them when i broke their hearts.

I did break up with a couple of them in person and that I did in a public place.

I'd say something like this: "you know, I really do like you as a person but things are just not working out for us in a relationship. I think the fair thing to do for both of us is to go our seperate ways. I think we both deserve to be happy and we're clearly not happy in this relationship. I'm sorry if I hurt you, that's not what i meant to do."

I tried to refrain from putting "but we can still be friends" in there because that's just an extra stab in the heart that's not needed.

Good luck twinkle. You do deserve to be happy. You're so young! It's good that you decided not to waste your precious time on being unhappy. The next guy will be better then this one. :wink: