Emotional Affairs

[Stone]

(Samson's post reminded me of this)

What would you consider an "emotional affair"

[darkangelism]

If you are in love with another person

[Samson]

Falling in love with someone other than wife/significant other (giving REDIRECTED emotional energy), purposefully visiting them on a regular basis (redirecting your time), sharing inner thoughts/feelings, and fantasizing about a future together (redirecting your thoughts).

You are redirecting everything about yourself EXCEPT your physical (sexual?) self.

[Merika]

To me....it's some new verbiage society has come up with to give them an excuse to flirting shamelessly at work, online or elsewhere.....but yet they aren't actually 'doing it'....so, somehow, it's okay and not really cheating.

If I were married or in a relationship....this would actually p*ss me off more than him just boinking someone on a one night stand.

[Stone]

really!! humm so besides the LOVE part and fantisizing about the future togeather with all other aspects I guess I am having an emotional affair with all of you. ( jkjkjk)

I guess it depends on the individual about the "emotional affair" rules. I think I would be a little more forgiving with an emotional affair than a sexual one. Being that if my partner needed attention from someone else that bad obviously I had neglected him :?

[Star]

an emotional or sexual affair to me might as well be the same. they're both ways of cheating on your spouse or SO.

There isn't anything wrong with looking at another person of the opposite sex (that is human nature) but to take it that step further is unacceptable behaviour when you're committed to another person. JMHO.

[Vautrin]

It's difficult to make the distinction. For some people kissing with another man / woman is cheating, and for others oral sex with another man / woman is not cheating.

The same with emotional affairs. For some flirting is already cheating, and for others thinking of a future together is cheating.

I have not been involved in an emotional affair, but it might be true that friends of mine have been in an affair with me. See?

[Merika]

I'm with Star on this one. To me...cheating is cheating. I'm not making a judgement call on people who do so....but they need to call it what it is.

[Duke]

I'm sorry stone, I had no idea I had this effect on you

[Stone]

LOL your such a terd!!

The whole term "emotional affair" is new to me, so I just wanted to get opinions of everyone. :?

[Samson]

give them an excuse to flirting shamelessly

Actually, I can flirt sharelessly without falling in love.

I'm not really saying that an "emotional affair" is not a form of "cheating," but I'm just a little perplexed as to how it is to be controlled.

I mean, any other "affair" seems to require a consious, physical behavior (booking a motel room, ordering champaign, or, in some cases, Ice House longnecks, unzipping, unhooking, unrolling.....well, you get the idea).

But an emotional affair is more...instictual. I suppose we simply run away, and stay away from others, or build restrictive walls around ourselves to guard against having any deep emotional feeling for anyone but our significant other. To me at least, this behavior is more unnatural than "flirting shamelessly."

But, this behavior can probably be excused as some sort of syndrom or disorder with root causes from my lonely childhood, so I suppose I'll take no responsibility for it until I can be properly medicated! :P :roll:

[Stone]

Humm I am very intrested in the whole concept actually.

My best friend is closer to me than I EVER want any man to be, would that be considered an "emotional relationship" Maby I'm just superficial and can't see how you can LOVE someone without being superficial.

I guess I wouldn't mind if my SO was close to another woman on a emotional level as long as they did not LOVE eachother and want to be togeather. Friendships IMO are ok and healthy.

[Star]

friendship and emotional affair are 2 different things though. There isn't anything wrong with having a friendship but if it crosses that line into an emotional affair, then it's wrong. Emotional affairs will usually end up in a physical affair at some point in time. MHO.

[Vautrin]

Yeah, but how can one determine when another person crosses that boundary?

If we look at the criteria Samon has suggested:

Originally Posted by Samson

Falling in love with someone other than wife/significant other (giving REDIRECTED emotional energy), purposefully visiting them on a regular basis (redirecting your time), sharing inner thoughts/feelings, and fantasizing about a future together (redirecting your thoughts).

As I wrote earlier: "I have not been involved in an emotional affair, but it might be true that friends of mine have been in an affair with me."

How can I know if a friend has crossed that certain boundary? The boundary simply depends on the friend's definition of emotional infidelity. I cannot read what goes on in other people's mind (contrary to beliefs of others).

[Merika]

In reading Samson's post....I need to clarify the way I worded one of my post. I DO NOT think flirting is the same as an emotional affair. An emotional affair is when you spend all day and end up living for flirting with that particular person. LOL!

I can say that emotional affairs, so to speak, can really creep up on you. What you think is a simple exchange of words...can suddenly make your heart flutter. I think many marriages have been disrupted due to what started as a simple internet personal interaction between two people.

Then again, perhaps the marriage was already on the rocks and it was only a matter of time anyway.

[Adonaicole]

I think emotional affairs are perfectly ok and healthy as long as it doesn't involve any kind of sexual innuendo. Almost all people have some friends of the opposite sex even when they are in relationships. When you cross the line into sexual innuendo, then you are a step away from cheating.

[Merika]