Emotional Affairs

[Samson]

I suspect that often emotional affairs start because there's no love left in the marriage, no energy to redirect.

If there wasn't ANY energy, then there'd be nothing with which to begin the emotional affair....No, the NRG is there, albeit in different quantities...............what is missing is reception....evidence, if you will, that our signal is being received.......the old "communication is everything mantra" from Dr. Phil..........

[Merika]

Originally Posted by darkangelism

first we have twinkle eating stone, now we have merika and meanon loving each other...lol

HAHAHA....we all have to get 'emotional' love where ever we can!

[Samson]

It seems that some haven't much choice other than to use their imaginations.

[Meanon]

Lol. Sorry to disappoint, DA, but before you also begin to suspect me of an incestuous affair with my sister - I was referring to platonic love. That's what annoys me about most of the definitions of EAs, they seem so broad as to define all love outside marriage as suspect, rather than just sexual love.

It's interesting that most people I meet on the net feel that EAs are as bad or worse than sexual affairs. I don't and neither does anyone I've talked to about it IRL. They are a form of infidelity. If I was in an exclusive relationship, I'd see it as a much bigger betrayal if someone was sexually unfaithful. It's usually not just about sex. Some people can compartmentalise sex from emotion but most can't.

[Samson]

Perhaps your mention of "platonic" gives more definition to what an "emotional affair" really is: Lust.

[Meanon]

Half right. Lust (unlike sex) often can exist without emotional attachment. Lust and love, that's an EA. Fancy that! It's not quite as complex as I thought after all

[darkangelism]

isnt lust, unrecipocated love?

[Duke]

I don't believe so, isn't it possible to have a sexual encounter with someone based on lust?

[Meanon]

DA, your post made me remember that I once (MANY years ago) I didn't appreciate the difference between lust and love. Most find that as they get older, there is a difference.

When you're young you love when you lust but actually you often don't know the person very well. You've projected your love onto them, idealised them. Sometimes it turns out fine, your lust changes to real appreciation of the person over time. Sometimes there's a rude awakening when you realise the fantasy and reality are poles apart. Lust is fairly common (for some of us anyway ) whereas love is rare.

I've wondered if EAs are largely all about unrequited love. I know only one man who's admitted to having one. The sexual and emotional are important for both men and women and in stable long term relationship both will be expressed fully. In affairs so often for women the sexual seems to be expressed through the emotional and for men the emotional through the sexual. Maybe that's why women are more vulnerable to EAs.

[darkangelism]

i lust a lot.

[Stone]

Me to :?

[Samson]

i lust a lot.

No freakin' kidding. Happily I'm confident that whatever it is must have a pulse.

[darkangelism]

Yeah it has to have a pulse, walk upright, and be female.