Do you mean BYE forever?

[Merika]

When you say BYE to someone at the end of a relationship...do you usually mean it or do you get upset when they don't fight for the relationship....or Geez....at least call to see how you are doing?

[Paul]

for me bye is for good, there's nothing like a good clean break to help a wound heal, calling to see how you're doing is like picking at it. I'm sure I've hurt people because of doing it that way but in the long run it's for the best.

[Star]

When I say bye, I mean bye, see ya, have a nice life. Sounds colder then it actually is though. Like Paul, I believe that a clean break is best to help speed up the healing process. Out of sight, out of mind. Although, some are harder to say bye to then others.

[twinkle]

I'm a sap. When I have decided that it's over, it's over, but communicating this ... that's the problem.

I have only once taken someone back, my ex. The biggest mistake in my life. So I know I won't be doing that again. Right now, if I ever decided to leave my bf, I'd do it, but it would devastate me. I cannot stand hurting people, even if it's involuntarily.

[Duke]

I mean bye forever.

[twinkle]

I know it's tricky to do it, but when I started going out with my current bf, I think I dumped him twice or three times. Let's just say he reconsidered his position and we have developped a really nice relationship in the end.

It depends a lot on how you play your cards.

[Duke]

I assumed that this thread meant when it's over. I too have gotten back together once or twice but when the end finally comes it is the end. There is no susequent communication after the final breakup.

[twinkle]

You're sooo right. I have never believed that a relation could ever work after a big break up. I've seen one exception, but that was it.

[Samson]

Despite the fact that I've often found the world to be a small place, this illusion (reality?) has not prevented me from deviating from a scorched earth policy when it comes to almost any relationship (relatives, friends, aquaintances) that might have ended.

This is not to say that burning bridges is a way of life, but generally post relationship, if I don't hear from you first, then you might as well be on another planet.

[Meanon]

I mean it but I don't always stick to it. I find it very difficult to let go, even if it's something I want to do.

You're never calling to see how someone is, unless enough time has passed for friendship to be possible. Usually, you are calling because you miss them. Afterwards you miss them more, you/they call again and before you know it, you're back to square one.

Clean breaks are best when you are ready for them. If you're not, it can take several attempts or there may be things you need to say or truths you have yet to learn before you can find peace.

[twinkle]

I wish there were something to learn. I think that once you feel or think you should leave, you'd better start packing.

All the change of heart and struggling and lingering is because one is not ready or fear the change. Fear freedom. Usually they fear being alone. Having to face the world alone.

I guess we all know in our hearts when a relationship is over. Admitting it one thing. But actually doing something about is all about will and determination.


I fear change. But after my last relationship, I shall not stay a minute longer near someone I do not love. In the end, it just doesn't pay out.


Nobody learns anything by staying. It's the school of pain. That's all. The truth I have found out is that all you learn is the fact that you've waisted so much time, so much of yourself on someone who most probably after the breakup will refuse to see or hear you.Or be your friend. You're doing yourself a favour by leaving. Because it's Over.

Testing your limits, being sure, etc etc.... in my book: just bullsh!t. It's only fear. It's human. It's simple. And it will dominate your life if you let it.

[Meanon]

I've learned things about myself and life in the process of letting go of people I've cared about. With me it's not about fear, it's about loss of love.

Will and determination are necessary but so is understanding and acceptance.

[twinkle]

It depends a lot on how you see a break up. To me, it's the fact that I don't want to share my life, my days, my thoughts with the other person.

It's like a declick that happens inside my head. Of course, your life changes and your feelings cannot just simply be turned off as if they were pourring through a tap. But trusting your heart and going with your gut is the only way to survive. It's so easy to look at the past and find things in it to keep two persons together...

Acceptance? Yes, to accept the fact that you have changed and that you are different, that you have different needs and desires or at least that you're not comfortable the way you are, e.g. in that couple.

Understanding? Yes. Lots of it. For yourself, for the hesitations, worries, most certainly mistakes you're making. For the other person's ordeal.

But they all go hand in hand with courage. Having the courage to put in action as soon as possible what you've decided. The thing is the sooner you do it, the sooner it's over. Don't forget that lots of things cannot be explained or understood. Yet one must try to continue his/her life.

[Meanon]

My endings are rarely as neat as that, although I do follow through with my decisions. I see this with close friends too, that they may split up with someone but that the person continues to have a detrimental effect on their life such that they will not form new relationships (or if they do they are affected negatively by the previous one). Eventually, they find a way of reducing the impact of this effect on their life. Often (though not always) contact is neccessary to achieve this, even though it is rarely a positive experience.

[twinkle]

I know what you mean. Things are rarely that clear and easy, many times seeing the ex is needed in order to get closure. And as my bf says, there's nothing more common than wanting, trying or going back together, especially after a long relationship.

In my experience... it doesn't work. But both parties need to feel and understand this before moving on, or else they'll always be thinking of "what if". What I'm trying to say is that this time, the time you think and convince yourself that it's over.... this time is lost. The pain, the thinking... I compare it with band aid. The more you linger, the more painfull it gets... I've done this. Lingered. Not had the courage. Was afraid. Oscilating. Once I've just gone through with it, I wanted to take a stick and beat myself up for the coward that I've been... I'll never have that year back. I'll never be 22 again.

[Samson]

Don't beat yourself up too bad over one year, Twinkle..........while I agree that time's short.........compared to a decade.....you're really not too much worse off.