Divorce -vs- Breakup

Merika · 10-04-2004, 09:29 AM

Do you think that a divorce leaves more emotional scars on an individual than a relationship breakup?

...other than the obvious pain of lawyer fees....LOL!

Samson · 10-04-2004, 03:06 PM

It depends a lot on the "externalities" (things outside emotion) of the marriage that hold it together. If a marriage is void of emotion, no kids, few assets, little debt, then divorce has no meaning. I believe a marriage would easily end in divorce based on the void of emotion, but often holds together because of kids, social pressures, embarassment, or simply the inconveinences of haveing to start a new life.

But I'm guessing by a "relationship breakup" you mean people that stop dating. Usually, these people haven't exausted the last shread of emotion they might feel for one another. So, the emotional turmoil might match that of divorcing couples that, finding themselves beyond the emotional ties to each other, must deal with the pain of separating themselves from their children, and even physical assets.

Duke · 10-04-2004, 06:34 PM

Personally I don't think you can compare the two splits as Samson says. However, to say one can scar a person more than the othe may not be entirely accurate either.

It will be interesting to see how everyone answers this topic though.

Wapwap · 10-05-2004, 04:19 AM

I think it's just how close 2 people are together..

If you're really emotional connected with someone, the breakup can be pretty tough. It doesn't matter if you're married or not.

I know someone who has been married for like 25 years, then they broke up.. he was actually happy about it.

Merika · 10-05-2004, 02:10 PM

I know someone who has been married for like 25 years, then they broke up.. he was actually happy about it.

I concur wapwap. After the marriage was FINALLY over...I remember the day I moved out as being one of the happiest days of my life! My moving truck was just beep-bopping down the road in a fit of joy and happiness!

I've only been in one relationship which, once it was over, left me feeling like I had just been smacked by a train! I was numb for about a month...then I got totally pissed off.....

Duke · 10-09-2004, 02:57 AM

The sad part is that these couples that divorced after long periods of time have likely been miserable for several years. At that point, being miserable becomes a way of life and is pretty hard to shake.

Behold, the crotchidy old fart.

Paul · 10-23-2004, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wapwap

I think it's just how close 2 people are together..

If you're really emotional connected with someone, the breakup can be pretty tough. It doesn't matter if you're married or not.

I know someone who has been married for like 25 years, then they broke up.. he was actually happy about it.

Sounds like my parents, married 25 years and one day my mom takes off with this old welfare bum. Of course my dad was hurt but my mom was obviously past it and had moved on. Now I'm proud to see that he has too and has a wonderful girlfriend who actually deserves him.

The only reason I can see that my parents didn't split earlier was because of my brother and I being at home, as soon as we left, within a couple of months, she was gone. Kids complicate things and once you just have you and your mate left, the decision becomes a lot easier.

So I'd have to agree with Wapwap's answer on this.

sn00py · 10-23-2004, 08:36 AM

I think there would be a difference because like if you lovd eachother and you broke up you never have to see that person agin

But if u are married and git a divorce you will have to see them in court .....

Merika · 10-23-2004, 03:15 PM

Good point Snoopy!

Duke · 11-02-2004, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sn00py

I think there would be a difference because like if you lovd eachother and you broke up you never have to see that person agin

But if u are married and git a divorce you will have to see them in court .....

Some people carry the hurt after break up from a relationship they cared about for many years. I have an ex that just called me a year ago, we've been split up for over 10 years now and she still misses me.

I never returned her call.

Star · 06-15-2005, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Do you think that a divorce leaves more emotional scars on an individual than a relationship breakup?

I don't think it's any different whether you're married or not. a breakup's a breakup and your heart aches in either situation. Marriage is a relationship. only difference is that you have a piece of paper stating that you are legally a couple. The pains are the same IMHO.

twinkle · 06-18-2005, 01:14 PM

I certainly don't think so. I've never been married but I imagine that one has much higher hopes and wishes in a marriage than in a relationship. One tries much harder, puts everything out there, lets the other person totally and completely into their life. Regardless of how many times they've had their hearts broken in the past, this time they think "wahow, this is it".

I think divorce scars people a whole lot more, it impacts much more a person, all the riends, the two families. IT's a failure. That's how I see it.

I know, one person can really be inlove and have this incredible relationship and have high hopes and all... marriage is much more than that. IT's actually letting inside your life this person, officially, socially, emotionally, it implies sharing everything from a house, to debt, to children, to vows.

My 2 cents.

Star · 06-18-2005, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinkle

I know, one person can really be inlove and have this incredible relationship and have high hopes and all... marriage is much more than that. IT's actually letting inside your life this person, officially, socially, emotionally, it implies sharing everything from a house, to debt, to children, to vows.

A relationship can also be like a marriage too though. I've lived with 4 men (including my husband) sharing everything like we were married and I can tell you that I was just as devestated after breaking up with them as I would be if I got a divorce.

I've had many relationships and now i'm married. I felt the heartbereak of failing in a relationship. It would feel the same if i failed at this marriage. Time heals everything and there comes a point where you just move on and it's over and done with whether it's a divorce or a relationship break up. they're both relationships so it's the same thing. kids or no kids. JMHO.

Merika · 06-19-2005, 11:13 AM

A divorce probably effects more people....but I think a heart involved in a breakup or divorce is effected the same either way....depending on how long and involved the relationship was.

Twinks brought out a good point though....Divorce has a tendency of making the people involved feel more like failures than a relationship breakup.

Star · 06-19-2005, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merika

Twinks brought out a good point though....Divorce has a tendency of making the people involved feel more like failures than a relationship breakup.

it probably does have more of that kind of affect - the failure part. i've never been divorced, i only imagine it to be the same kind of heartbreak though because love is love ya know?