Can ex bf/gf ever remain as friends in your life?

twinkle · 12-14-2004, 05:46 PM

Arrgghhh, I'm so angry. I've learnt so much about friends and about appreciating people and about being alone this year...

So I've decided to write some of my friends back home, whom I have niglected. Ex bf included, since he wrote me a few times. I thought he was cool, I was even happy to hear from him.

I got a strage email telling me "good bye" and that he had moved on. Like... who cares? Good for him, but all I did was to try to keep in touch not through him in the face my happiness with someone else.

It's like beside my own experience, it was all for NOTHING. I got to preserve nothing. No friendship, no nothing. All 4 years totally waisted. Soul to soul talks for NOTHING. Jesus, I feel sooo used.

I feel like a total moroun to have chosen HIM. I cannot believ that's current. I remember I got to stay friends with those before him. I was much younger, true.

Do people just get dummer as year pass by or after a certain age it's all about using the other person for phisical and emotional needs? Ever stayed friend (close friend) with your big exN

Duke · 12-14-2004, 07:10 PM

I have no friends that are ex's, it just doesn't work. You've seen all the best (and worst) that they've had to offer and it didn't work out. Even if you think your friends with an ex, chances are you perceive it that way but it's likely not true. There's not a lot of men that talk to ex's either.

Merika · 12-14-2004, 11:15 PM

I'm with Duke on this one.

Now, you can run into each other down the road and be 'friendly' for the moment.....but that's not the same as REMAINING friends. Usually the party who can remain friends....is the one who dumped the other person. The person who got dumped.....does NOT want to be friends afterwards.

Not because they are mean.....but because being around or hearing from the person who dumped them is painful. It brings about a remembrance and maybe even hope.....and it's just not a good thing.

A good-bye should be just that.....a good-bye. I've tried it both ways.....and nothing works other than walking away.

Wildcat · 12-15-2004, 12:46 AM

Shoot, it's hard enough for me right now to hang out with friends if you've asked one of them out and got turned down. But we're working on it.

Merika · 12-15-2004, 12:58 AM

You know....the only bad part about asking a friend out is that you kinda steal their joy of just loving you as a friend. Once the date card is played....it's never the same.

Before I would ask a friend out...I'd make dam sure they felt like I did....or I would totally avoid it.

Duke · 12-15-2004, 01:12 AM

I only ask people out that I don't like.

twinkle · 12-15-2004, 02:25 AM

Can't feel but used. I understand your point... It's like everything has a job desription: bf=romance. And if there's no romance, Good-bye!!!

The sharing and knowing eachother serves at... exactly nothing. Then there's all just a waiste of time and effort, 'cause most romances end up badly.

I'll just drop it. I know better than that.

darkangelism · 12-15-2004, 09:32 AM

I disagree that it wont work. The majority of my female friends are girls that i have liked and asked out and gotten rejected. I have friends whose ex bfs hang out with her current bf and it isnt an issue.

Wildcat · 12-15-2004, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

I only ask people out that I don't like.

haha. Great Duke.

Star · 12-15-2004, 01:01 PM

I've had a lot of boyfriends in my life and I'm not friends with any of them. I will say hello if I happen to bump into them but that's as far as it goes.

You can't stay friends with a person you've been intimate in all ways with. It's impossible. I tried to stay friends with one of my old boyfreinds and it was a disaster. You end up reminissing about stuff and get all confused. I don't think hubby would like it much if I were friends with one of my x'es. He'd wonder if there's still feelings between us and that would make him feel insecure. It wouldn't be fair to either one of them. The same goes for me. I wouldn't want him to have a friend that was an x-girlfriend. I'd feel insecure also. The thought is always there that you did at one point share deep feelings and intemacy. doesn't work.

twinkle · 12-15-2004, 04:28 PM

HE's the only ex in my life (understand what I mean) and we had a terrific relationship.

Anyway, it didn't work out romantically, but I swear... more than bf/gf, we were best friends. Same values, same goals, same style of jkes...

I do miss that. Especially since we met (after 6 months) this summer and talked. It was weird, but I was hoping it would get better in time.

Maybe you're right and it doesn't work that way in the real world. Maybe I was expecting to much or just being selfish. I don't know.

The weird thing is that I dont even know if I miss him as a friend or that time when I was really carefree and happy. 4 years and a half won't be that easy to give up.

Duke · 12-15-2004, 06:38 PM

Ya but time will move on and you'll forget once again.

I'll mark this day on my calendar and see if this post re-surfaces in 4 years lol.

Star · 12-15-2004, 10:44 PM

I had a hard time getting over my first love (we dated for 4 years) many moons ago when I was 17. We broke up when I was 21 and I was the one to break his heart. He'll always be in my heart but I know we could never be "friends". Too many real feelings there to be just friends. It's best that I never see or talk to him again and he the same for me. I have wonderful memories of us being together and they will stay with me my whole life. It's not easy to move on but you will. Another love will come along that you won't want to risk losing and you'll be happy again. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't so stupid as to break it off with him back then but then I think of the life I have with hubby and I would never think of risking that just to find out. I think maybe I'm just hanging on to a memory. Such is life.

Merika · 12-15-2004, 11:14 PM

I don't think it's unusual to get to the point of your life of wondering what would have happened if Plan A would've worked out. I BET....we would find out we were much happier in Plan C.

I personally believe, life has a way of turning out the way it was supposed to. This doesn't keep someone from wondering though.

I think I posted this on here...but I once had a conversation with my daughter about what would life have been like if I had married someone else besides their Dad.....and then I said....I guess not....because then I wouldn't have you and Jackson.

She replied.....'Oh yes you would.....we would just have different faces and last names.'.

I always thought that was a good response.