Having a rough day...

[JJhowler]

I've been doing really well coping with my husband leaving me. We havent actually spoken in over a month. Today, its been rough keeping the resentment at bay. As i wrote in my previous post... he wont talk to me. He moved back in with his mother 1000 miles away, i have not tried to contact him in the last month. I even made it through a family wedding to which he was suppose to attend, without having a nervous breakdown. Im going to support groups, a therapist, a psychatrist...etc. but today... today i cant shake the resentment. I want to move forward, im workimg on me, but feel stuck today. If there is no communication, do i just send him divorce papers? How is it that he can lie,cheat, and steal from me and we take steps for inprovement like seeing a counsler, but i get upset and yell, and that entitles him to shut me out completely? Are men complete incapable of thinking about anything but themselves? I dont mean to sound like a man basher, but given i havent experienced anything to the contrary... I really wanna know if there are men that are capable of "being a man". I apologize if that offends anyone, but like i said... i havent experienced anything different. From my father to my relationships, whethet friends or lovers, they all seem to eventually dissapear from the face of the earth. I went through a "it must be me"phase, but have gotten multiple responses that it is not the case. Not that im claimimg complete innocents to my life... ive made plenty of mistakes. I just dont think i have any faith left... nor do i know how to get it back.

Anyway, thanks for giving me an opportunity to vent.

[Luba]

This is a good place to vent, please come any time to do so.

It's been slow here due to summer, but when some do come, there will be replies with caring and understanding.

For myself, I've been rather busy this summer and haven't had an opportunity to read your posts, but will try to find them, read them and reply accordingly. Until then, sending you good thoughts that you are not alone.

[Vautrin]

Sorry if your soon-to-be-ex husband is such an ass-hatter. Let some of your frustrations out. Your husband is acting like an ass-hatter. Of course you can (and should!) be somewhat frustrated with that.

Not all men are like that. It is probably his way of dealing with issues: shut down completely, and process things - or simply ignore problems in the hope that the problems magically go away. Naturally they won't. And whenever you threaten the status quo (i.e. when you want to address the problems / issues), he feels threatened by the impending change(s). You can't really "win" in such a situation, since it is the emotional equivalent of an upset teenager who is upset that he does not get what he wants.

Please don't take these comments as a critique (they are only meant to give you something to think about, with regards to healing, and getting more insight in yourself).

What I think may have happened in your life is that you gravitated to men who were similar to your father. If that is the case, it is not surprising if your husband proves to be very similar to your father. Which would be very interesting for you to get to the bottom of, so that you won't find yourself in similar situations with men who suffer the same problem. It is not you, but it is perhaps more the men you are attracted to?

It is also very interesting to note that you excuse yourself for venting. Since you are in counseling, it may be something to look into: the priority for you is to heal and to turn your life into something you can be happy with, and that means it is beneficial for you to get a better understanding of yourself.