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Separation and Divorce Discussing issues arising from and giving support to those dealing with seperation and divorce.

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Old 02-22-2012, 07:09 PM
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Unhappy Been Told To Move Out...

My fiance and I have been together now for 7 years. We recently were blessed with a beautiful baby boy and he is my pride and joy. She has recently told me that I should go stay with my parents for a while as she doesn't want me around. Being a younger couple myself 23 her 22 it was a big adjustment having a child. It was not an unexpected or accidental pregnancy. I have a very demanding job working 12 hour days with constant overtime with projects that deal with me directly. Anyway I feel like I am rambling. The situation is this prior to the child being born we we're preparing to have a big lifestyle change we are no longer #1. I like to play sports, computer, and I am an avid hockey fan. She always accepted me for who I am and it is apart of my habits. Since our baby boy was born I did everything in my power to put him first. All of my old habits I tried to make sure they took a back seat. Doing chores around the house, grocery shopping etc stuff I have rarely done as she was always amazing and took care of it my job is household maintenance in which I look after. She is a stay at home Mom and I realize the stress that they encounter 24/7 I tell her she is amazing with him everyday and she is a super mom. I work 7am-7pm so I am home for a few hours before I go to bed, I put those hours dedicated to my family. I get up with my son in the night to change diapers and feed him. This is where we encounter the most of our problems. It seems every night we fight about the same things about how I am not helping, I ask her too many questions about parenting, that I get to go out and do stuff but she does not. It also feels like I can never do anything right in her eyes. I am constantly walking on eggshells. I do take some time to myself to keep sanity. I rarely play computer any more which isn't a big deal but I like to go to the gym for 1-2 hours a day on my days off work. I like to play hockey 2 days a week for 2.5 hours. This is the only time I ask for myself the rest of my time is either spent at work or at home with my family. I was told that I am never home and never help her out. That "You just don't care." In my eyes I have significantly changed my habits to better suit the needs of the family. I help out more around the house, given up old habits or at least tried to. I have done my research and I do realize that women who have recently given birth tend to deal with hormone imbalances. I try to talk in each situation in a calm manor. She keeps telling me that she doesn't get any sane time to herself. I tell her to go visit friends go do something she enjoys I am capable and would be more than happy to look after my son. She doesn't take any time to herself ever doesn't go anywhere doesn't visit anyone. I am looking for advice as I am crushed. I don't want to separate from the mother of my child with him only 8 weeks old but I believe it is imminent. I have tried giving her space, tried being right there every moment I can be, I tried talking. I am so lost. It is making me deeply emotional to the point where I cry and then get very angry.
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Old 02-23-2012, 03:39 AM
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Re: Been Told To Move Out...

From what you describe it does sound as she may be suffering from post-partum depression. She is probably overwhelmed with the changes to her life. She seems to do not many of the things she used to do. Part of the problem may be the constant interruptions of her sleep, and a lack of sleep can certainly be emotionally draining. Some babies are really crybabies, whilst others are a lot easier. If your first child is a crybaby then it can be really overwhelming for a first time mother to deal with one.

Moving out would not address these issues at all. She may think it is you, but it is probably the situation - she has little control over when the baby cries, when it needs to be fed, defecate and all that.

At the same time, because she spends 24/7 close to the baby, she may feel only the best is good enough, and that she is the best. Perhaps she suffers from a need to make life perfect for the baby? That would explain why she may be more homebound than she should have been, or why you can't do anything right in her eyes. However, it is completely unrealistic, and bound to result in more anger and frustration. As strange as it sounds she needs to spend some time away from your child.

Keep on talking. Ask her what kind of "sane time" she wants. Suggest to her that she go out on an evening, and you'll look after your son. I am not sure if there is any family close-by, but it might be a good idea to let grandma & grandpa babysit on an evening (I fear she'd be too wary for other babysitting options), so you can spend the time together.

Things will get better.
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Old 02-23-2012, 10:31 AM
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Re: Been Told To Move Out...

Welcome to Lifesupporters, Quikk.

Vautrin gave great advice and even though I wouldn't have said it as well as he did, I totally agree with everything he said.
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