Stay at Home Moms vs Working Moms

[Star]

I wanted to start this thread because this did come up on another topic and I did want to address it a little further.

I chose to be a stay at home mom and am very happy that I did make that decision and so is my husband, even if at times extra money would've come in handy.

Being a stay at home mom is like holding 2 full time jobs. The only thing is that we don't get a weekly paycheck for the hard work that we do. We do however get to see our children grow, witness their first step, first word, first smile and first laugh. We are maids, cooks, nurses, counsellors, teachers, cab drivers, secretaries, finance experts, mediators, and the list goes on and on.

I don't sit at home all day every day eating bon bons and taking naps. I clean every room daily, do laundry, make the meals, change diapers, make or change the beds, make formula, pick up everyone's mess from the night before, make the lunches, make breakfast, do dishes, take the garbage out, etc....

Hubby and I weighed it out if I did get a job to help pay for food or bills. It wouldn't of made much a difference after we pay for child care wekkly. I would be working to pay for childcare in the end so we thought, why do that then? Why not stay home and be with my kids as they grow up. So that's what I did.

I don't have anything against the working mom. I know how tiring that must be also. The working mother works all day, comes home and picks up the mom at home job from there.

My point is that both stay at home moms and working moms are very overworked and lead stressful lives. I am really sick and tired of people looking down on either one of those 2 choices. Us moms do what's right for us and what's right for our kids.

[darkangelism]

my mom was/ sorta is, a stay home mom, she didnt work until my sister was in school and now she just works part time during the day when my sister is in school.


It makes life a lot easier and the kids have a better life.

[twinkle]

My mom is my role model. After the revolution (15 years ago), she (with my dad's help) had the courage to set up her own private cabinet - she's a dentist.

Ok, the kids: mom would be doing all the housework all alone, she'd shop, she'd clean, she'd buy hings for us, she'd cook, she'd talk to us, she'd listen to us, she'd make homework with us, she'd drive us to ballet lessons, to painting classes, to English classes. It was exhausting. At one time, she wasn't sure if she should leave or not her old place of work, so she had 2 full time jobs... I can tell you it's when we missed her most.


My mom is one incredible woman. she can read people, she has this energy boiling up inside her, she'd solve all her problems when she had to and would always ALWAYS put us first. As a child, I know it may seem terribly selfish, I soooo wanted she'd spend more time with me. I'd stay with her in the kitchen only to spend some more time together.

I can confirm you, star, that my sister and I were world champions when it came to getting dirty and messy. IT is unbelievable the toys and things we'd keep in our rooms. I mean it was war. when I was around 6, I hated her. Called her "Hitler" behind her back. My sister's nickname for her was "wild puma" - dad had taken us to the circus and it was the thing that she thought was most viscious. She'd rule the house like an army, LOOL!!




As a little girl, I really wanted my mom more with us, but I think everyone would have been miserable. She's got the strongest personality ever and would have most probably crushed us. Would have been very unhappy too. I think she would have redecorated, washed, and cleaned all the carpets each week, LOOL!!!




Anyway, my dad changed jobs and as we grew up, started to become more involved and help us with our homework and cook. Turns out his a much better cook than mom - now he's the one doing all the cooking. He'd also have more patience with us, so, of course, we'd understand much easier from dad than from mom.Mom would go crazy: not very patient.

Dad is a vet and has a pharmacy for animals. The company where he worked for years had been bought and he decided to leave as his income was practically slashed. About 6 years ago he left and opened his pharmacy. He rarely ever attends it. It's working out and not really. Yup, my dad is the one staying at home. We have a house at the countryside, an orchard, a garden - he attends to it all. We bought an appartment - I choce it and closed the deal -at Bucharest and my dad was to one to do EVERYTHING: from walls, to electricity system, to checking out the heating system, all. He likes it too. Won't tell you the money we saved because he was there.



My point: it works. Mom knows that if dad would take a job, also her kids don't live with her anymore, she'd be paralised. Dad would be more stressed, could not attend well his stuff... he has his pharmacy from time to time, but it's a rather small place... They're fine with it. It depends on individuals.

At times, staying at home, especially when they're young, is most beneficiary for the kids. But if the person's unhappy... what's the point?

[Star]

I think that parents should do what's best for them and for the kids and of course what makes them happy. It all has to balance well or it won't work in the end. Your parents did what worked for them and that's awesome! The outcome? you, as an adult now, have tons of respect for them.

My kids wouldn't of had it any other way but to have me at home with them. When I did work ( for 2 years up until september), kassandra was miserable. She would tell me almost everyday that she wished it could go back to the way it was, me at home. She loves to see my face when she leaves for school and again when she gets home from school. She loves having me at home. To her, this is where I belong and I feel the same way.

Working outside the home did not work for me or my kids. I was planning on taking some college courses last month and perhaps finding myself a career that I would enjoy but then I got Erika. So, the sacrifice that I did for my children, I am now going to do for my grand-daughter for as long as it takes. I will remain at home and take care of her and continue to be here for kassandra as well.

I have nothing against any mother or in some cases father that choose to either go to work or stay at home and make raising their children their career. I have 2 sister in laws on my side of the family. One works full time and the other is a stay at home mom. They are both very good mothers to their children. So it works either way as long as they've chosen the way that makes them happy.

I don't consider myself a lazy bum that leaches off of my husband. I am the mother to his children (and grandchild) and am running this household and taking care of his children on a daily basis. Making sure the house is nice and clean, laundry done, kids bathed, fed and dressed and having dinner ready for hom when he gets home. That is my contribution to this family and it balances out very nicely. It works for us and it's what makes us happy.

I just don't like the comments, the looks or the disrespect us stay at home parents get just because we chose to stay at home with our kids. It is a job and a huge job at that and we should be respected as much as the working parent does. I just wish that people would stop judging both sides and just respect the fact that moms choose what's right for their families and what makes them happy. doesn't put them any lower on the "life" scale then the other one.

[Stone]

Originally Posted by star_64

Being a stay at home mom is like holding 2 full time jobs. The only thing is that we don't get a weekly paycheck for the hard work that we do. We do however get to see our children grow, witness their first step, first word, first smile and first laugh. We are maids, cooks, nurses, counsellors, teachers, cab drivers, secretaries, finance experts, mediators, and the list goes on and on.

I clean every room daily, do laundry, make the meals, change diapers, make or change the beds, make formula, pick up everyone's mess from the night before, make the lunches, make breakfast, do dishes, take the garbage out, etc....

Hubby and I weighed it out if I did get a job to help pay for food or bills. It wouldn't of made much a difference after we pay for child care wekkly. I would be working to pay for childcare in the end so we thought, why do that then? Why not stay home and be with my kids as they grow up. So that's what I did.


.

Sheesh I am tired reading that, I tried the stay at home mom thing and it's not for me needless to say I didn't get a fraction of that stuff done.. I have to now work harder to hire someone to do it, babysit, clean ect but it does need to be done.

ALOT of stay at home moms I know don't get much done and still have a cleaning lady!!! and I can see where there spouces are pissed.

[Star]

That's what i'm saying though. Everyone has that choice. It's the best thing for me, might not be for someone else. I don't need a cleaning lady (although that would be nice so I can get a break once in awhile :wink: ), I get all this done daily and by the time I finsihs the dishes after dinner and put the baby to bed, I'm free to sit and watch a movie and relax with hubby.

The stay at home moms that don't keep a nice house or do things with their kids, I can understand why the spouse would get pissed at that also. All I'm saying is that being a stay at home mom IS just as much of a job a mother working outside the home.

I don't judge either way. I just wished that people would stop judging a mother's choice to either stay at home or work outside the home.

[Duke]

I think women are the glue that hold families together and men are the muscle and last line of defense. This may sound old fashioned or just plain ignorant but that's how I see it. I don't think either sex is more important than the other and they should be seen as equals. Stay at home mom, working mom, who the hell cares?

[Merika]

I've been both and both have their merits and negative points.

Everyone has to find what works best for themselves, their family and the finances involved. Generally, a good mom is a good mom regardless of her choice.....and a bad mom is a bad mom regardless of her choice.

It also depends on the job and the hours......I've worked far too many hours in the past and it took a great toll on my children. They had to do a lot of things for themselves and I believe the resentment will always be lingering. Sometimes though, you have no choice. You just have to do what it takes to financially care for the family.

If I were married....I probably would chose to be a stay at home mom if at all possible.

[Stone]

Originally Posted by Merika

It also depends on the job and the hours......I've worked far too many hours in the past and it took a great toll on my children. They had to do a lot of things for themselves and I believe the resentment will always be lingering. Sometimes though, you have no choice. You just have to do what it takes to financially care for the family.

:? This is why I am terrified of being a single mom all over again

[Star]

Being a single mom scares me also. I'd hate to leave the kids to have to work 2 jobs just to make ends meet. I feel for all the single moms out there that have to do that. It's tough and I give them a ton of credit for making it and taking good care of their children. They are the super moms IMHO.

[Merika]

There are also Mom's who wouldn't be happy staying home at all and would resent being forced to. Some are better Moms when they have the chance to follow their career choices and would totally be frustrated without having the option to continue working.

I wonder if it comes down to having a career choice or just having to take a job to make ends meet?

You are right SH. Unless a woman makes some really good money.....having the expense of two children in day care is not much of a financial boost when you also add in the additional clothes and expense of going to work.

I wanted to stay home with my kids so much when they were babies/toddlers that I was willing to go without having a personal vehicle for 2 years. We also had to stay on a really tight budget. Some women chose to work because they want the additional freedoms which comes with having a job.

I don't think either choice makes someone a better Mom than the other choice. It depends on the Mom and what her preferences are.

After being single...I DID have to work. What I resent are the stay at home Moms who passed judgement on the time I was away from home....rather than helping out. I refuse to do that to a woman who has to work. Now, that I'm home, I let my kid's have friends over who's mom's are at work...even when I would prefer them not being here...just to help out the other mom.