Should Men Have a choice?

Stone · 12-29-2004, 07:30 PM

I was thinking today about all the choice ladies have during pregnancy keeping the child, abortion, adoption. I wonder why men don't have a say in this.

Example if a lady is pregnant and wants to abort but the father wants to keep the child why doesn't he get a choice to be a parent?

If a unwed mother wants to give a baby up for adoption is the father notified or if the bio father steps foward can he adopt the child?

A fathers role is just as important as a mothers role.

Star · 12-29-2004, 08:23 PM

yes, they do have rights. I know this from what i recently went through with the adoption agency when we had planned to give erika up for adoption. We were asked what the name of the father was and if we would've given a name (Krytal said she didn't know his name), then he would be contacted to make sure it was ok to give up the baby for adoption. Same thing goes for abortion. If the father is known, he has a say in whether or not the woman can abort his child. If the woman insists that she doesn't know who the father is though, then it's all up to the woman. That's how it works where I am. I don't know about the states though.

Duke · 12-29-2004, 09:30 PM

Don't give a father any choice. If I had my way my daughter would have been aborted which was exactly the wrong decision. I based it off of my own self serving and shallow reasons and am glad my ex never listened to me for this decision.

Merika · 12-29-2004, 09:35 PM

Morally it would hard to say the Dad of a child had no say so. Then again, if a person was pro-choice they may see that differently.

Great question......hard answer.

darkangelism · 12-29-2004, 11:10 PM

i think men should have a say but not the final say for what happens.

Star · 12-29-2004, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

Don't give a father any choice. If I had my way my daughter would have been aborted which was exactly the wrong decision. I based it off of my own self serving and shallow reasons and am glad my ex never listened to me for this decision.

Precisely the reason why we chose to put the father down as "unknown". He showed no interest in erika but to diddle my daughter. Didn't have anything to say about an abortion but that he would help pay for it (he told krystal this) or try to stop an adoption. He didn't make himself known to be the father to anyone which tells me he has no interest in erika. so, we made that a reality for him. His loss. We get to have her all to ourselves and watch her grow with good morals and values.

Fayebelle · 12-30-2004, 08:02 AM

I think if the father is willing and able to raise the child then abortion and adoption should not be allowed. Likewise I think that the maternal and fraternal family should be consulted- if anyone is willing and able to raise the child- they should have a shot. I have a HUGE problem w/the # of women who consider abortion birth control and if there is a family member willing to adopt then I don't see why the child should have to go off to a stranger - this way the parents can still be a part of the child's life if they choose. It also helps w/medical history and giving the child info on their heritage.

Stone · 12-30-2004, 10:07 AM

I really don't think that here in the states anyone has to be contacted for an abortion. I think it is confidential and the Father isn't contacted. I also think that is sad, for example if my brother got a lady pregnant he or my parents would be more than happy to adopt the child. but bio fathers and grandparents don't get that choicle.

Merika · 12-30-2004, 10:18 AM

It's another unanswered 'pro choice' problem. I've always understood the premise for pro choice....I just don't see where it works for all concerned. If I were pregnant and didn't want the baby....I wouldn't tell anyone else involved. I would probably feel guilty about it not informing all other parties....but it's the only way you could make a choice peacebly.

Many mothers, even one as young as Star's daughter, think they don't want the baby until it's actually born....then they glad they have the child and can't imagine life without it.

In the beginning though....it's a tough choice to make.

Star · 12-30-2004, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merika

Many mothers, even one as young as Star's daughter, think they don't want the baby until it's actually born....then they glad they have the child and can't imagine life without it.

In the beginning though....it's a tough choice to make.

Many young girls think abortion is the quick answer to their being pregnant problem. A lot of them don't have a family who are willing to stand by them and help them out with the baby which is a very sad thing. When my daughter told me she was pregnant, abortion didn't cross my mind, I immediately told her that we'd be there for her. She thought of abortion and brought it up and I said absolutely not. It wasn't a solution for us nor was it for her. I think she would've been more messed up from the guilt of it if she had gone and done that. She's happy that she didn't go get it done now (and she could have without my consent) that Erika is here.

Fayebelle · 12-30-2004, 11:16 AM

A lot of people think abortion is a good choice for teens b/c they feel that they can't handle carrying a child. I think (unless it was rape) that they should have to- if they could handle sex they can handle pregnancy. The mental reprocussions from abortion can be so severe, and once the choice has been made- there is no going back.

Star · 12-30-2004, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fayebelle

A lot of people think abortion is a good choice for teens b/c they feel that they can't handle carrying a child. I think (unless it was rape) that they should have to- if they could handle sex they can handle pregnancy. The mental reprocussions from abortion can be so severe, and once the choice has been made- there is no going back.

I totally agree.

If they can have irresponsible sex then they should have to carry that child to term. If they choose not to mother the child then adoption is an option. With open adoptions nowadays, the mother and family members can still be part of the child's life. At least this child has a chance at life.

Stone · 12-30-2004, 12:14 PM

I am STRONGLY Pro Coice for personal reasons. ( but not the use of abortion of birth control) I just think it should be a joint decision.

Merika · 12-30-2004, 12:36 PM

In decades past....girls used to marry and begin having babies at 14. I think they are more physically fit to carry babies than we may think. Emotionally....it may be harder.

I'm in my 40's....carrying a child physcially or emotionally now would seem like a hell in itself.

Duke · 12-30-2004, 12:47 PM

Only because you wouldn't be allowed to drink ;-)