Selfish Kids

Star · 12-11-2004, 11:37 AM

I know that children are a little selfish naturally until they grow out of it but at what age should a parent start to worry about their child's selfishness?

As most of you know, my 16 year old now has a chaild that hubby and I are supporting. They're both living at home with us at this time. I can't believe how selfish my daughter is being! She sleeps most of the time so that leaves me to take care of the baby and if I try to wake her up, she gets all angry and screams and yells so it's easier on my nerves just to do what needs to be done for the baby. She gets angry with the baby in the middle of the night for feedings so I get up and do that too to make sure that the baby is safe. I get up as soon as I hear the baby wimper, I'm there.

Last night, she said some pretty aweful things to me because i wouldn't let her sleep over at her big sister's place. I had maybe 4 hours of sleep in the last 2 days and I had to work last night so I wasn't in the best of shape to be left alone with the baby; I needed her around to help with the feedings.

I let her go for walks during the day every day, let her go visit her sisters and friends without the baby a lot but because I said "NO" to last night, she didn't get her way, she had a hissy fit.

I told her she needs to stop being so selfish now that she has a baby. She's a mother now and needs to sacrifice herself so she can be a good mom to her daughter. She loves Erika to death but her selfishness is getting in the way of her being the mom she should be. I know she's a baby herself but I don't think it's an excuse. I told her that she can't have a "normal" teenage life now that she's a mother. She doesn't get it. ARGHH!

OK. I vented. I feel better now.

Duke · 12-11-2004, 11:52 AM

I can't understand why your daughter doesn't get the fact that her life is no longer hers alone. She has a new baby that depends on her for everything from emotional support, to comfort and safety. I think your daughter needs a good whack on the side of the head with a big, heavy "get a clue" stick because she's not just selfish, she's also being an idiot. As it stands, you and your efforts are the only reason that baby hasn't been taken away from her.

Star · 12-11-2004, 12:54 PM

she finally woke up at 1:30 this afternoon and fed, changed then p layed with the baby. She's good with the baby during the day; it's the night time that we have problems with. She does love her to death but I don't think she knows how to deal with being a mother. perhaps the reality of being a mother hasn't kicked in yet? I don't know.

I gave her a good slap in the face last week because she was yelling at the baby in the middle of the night and I took the baby and she slept with me for the rest of the night.

We have a public health and a cas nurse coming in every week plus she's got everyone in the family (both sides) and friends that are telling her that life is different for her now. I think she chooses this behaviour. She's selfish and very immature. I wasn't a walk in the park at that age either but I was way more mature then she is. I wish the counselling and all the parenting/anger management classes would start now! She needed it immediately and it's been over a month now with nothing. The system sux!!

The only way she has erika in her life is because of her dad and i. If she decides to live on her own (she's seriously thinking about that now), then children's aid won't be involved with us and the baby. they will only be involved with visitations supervised by children's aid and the baby. I've told her that living away from her child won't be any good for the bonding and she doesn't get it so; i have no choice but to let her make more mistakes and hope she learns from them. Erika will be safe and sound with me here and have a normal life without being yelled at by her mother. That only breaks my heart and infuriates me all at the same time.

Duke · 12-11-2004, 01:44 PM

You know, I wish there was a way to have your daughter locked up and have her rights removed. She just doesn't get it that her mistakes have created a flesh and blood lesson and she still refuses to learn from it. I have every confidence that if she moves out on her own, she'll blow it and maybe the end result will actually be worse this time around.

Is it possible that your daughter has a chemical imbalance?

darkangelism · 12-11-2004, 02:25 PM

Im not sure how it is in canada but in the US she wouldnt be allowed to move out without your permission and because she is still underage she would be subject to your rules so you could be very strict and not let her do anything if she doesnt take responsibilty during the night.

Star · 12-11-2004, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

Im not sure how it is in canada but in the US she wouldnt be allowed to move out without your permission and because she is still underage she would be subject to your rules so you could be very strict and not let her do anything if she doesnt take responsibilty during the night.

She's 16 and she can by law be as free as she wants to be. she can move out on her own if that was she wishes to do by law. here, kids have all rights at the age of 12.

we had her tested, cas had her tested and she again got tested when she went to the hospital about a week before she gave birth and nothing is wrong with her chemically. they did a hair test also and found absolutely no drug use either. her problem is behavioural. in her mind, she can do whatever she wants to do and nobody will stand in her way. in reality, she can, the law says so. this is what she's learned from the law. nice huh?

i'm letting her go sleep at her sister's place tonight. told her she better be back first thing in the morning. i'll call to make sure her sister gets her up and home then. maybe a break will help her.

darkangelism · 12-11-2004, 05:20 PM

oh, that is not like the US, here kids dont have full rights until 18.

Duke · 12-12-2004, 06:55 PM

I don't know how you do it star, just reading it infuriates me. I hope my daughter never tries anything even remotely close because I'll rip her head off and crap down her throat.

Star · 12-12-2004, 09:10 PM

I'm doing this because I know who my daughter really and truly is; a very good person with a huge heart. She's filled with anger right now and I know that when she gets the help she needs (hopefully really really soon), things will all fall into place. The main reason for me doing this is because I love my daughter unconditionally. She is my first born baby girl and I will always be there to help her no matter what it is.

You know, most of us have done some really dumb things in our youth, myself included (I've done more then my share) and I know what it was like to feel angry inside. All she wants is to be loved and cared for. I know that she'll "get it" someday and when that day comes, she'll still have her little girl and I know she'll be an awesome mother and she will aprpreciate what her dad and I have done to make that a reality for her. She just needs to get rid of all that anger that she's got bottled up inside and tear down that huge wall she's build around her.

She didn't end up sleeping over at her sister's house. she called me at midnight to tell me she was coming home. I have seen some improvements...baby step improvements. some is better then what i've seen in the past 3 years which is none. I guess i'm more patient than i thought i was.

Duke · 12-12-2004, 09:23 PM

I think you're just a really great person star with loads of patience. I could stand to learn a thing or two from the example you set.