Proper Punishment?

Merika · 09-01-2005, 01:42 PM

I didn't mention this yesterday...but here's what happened. I was putting the new virus protection thing on Chloe's puter in her room. I rarely go in there and never snoop. BUT.....as I was sitting there I noticed her daily calendar was there and it said: Party Sept 2
It went on to list who is bringing what. She had herself down for pepsi and advil (lol)....and I would've probably overlooked the liquor....but then there was the $50 for pot that her little Ho friend Danielle was bringing. (Her parents are old hippies and sell pot. They don't consider it a 'bad thing' for teens.)

I wasn't sure what to do because I felt wrong for opening her personal journal thing. Oddly enough, I asked Jackson this morning what he thought I should do (he's 13) and he suggested I tear out the page, write in red on it that she is grounded for two weeks and tape it to her door.

I decided to do that. Point is....when she's off of being grounded (I picked until Sept 10) she'll still do what she wants to do.....but at least she'll know I cared.

What do you think?

Weiser · 09-01-2005, 03:30 PM

Overlooked the liquor, but not the weed? That sounds a little weird to me.

Anyways, you did what you should have. I would just talk to her more, ask her more questions, be a pain

But not that big of a pain...

Merika · 09-01-2005, 04:03 PM

To be totally honest...I think for anyone to expect 16 year olds not to drink or smoke pot is probably living in some unrealistic Bible Land. As a parent though...I guess you have to do something....even if the end result is them knowing that you care and they learn to do a better job of hiding it.

If nothing else....maybe during her 'stuck at home time' she'll log on here (Isis) and read how I feel about it.

Maybe I don't explain it right when I post on here how I feel about raising an older teen. I think if my kids didn't try stuff....I would think they were pretty d*mn fruity. However, for them to learn to manuvre thru life....they need to know what you can and can't get by with in society. For now in THIS country....16 year olds aren't of legal age to drink and pot is illegal period. Due to that...I'm only teaching legal standard. Morally....kids are kids and I don't think experimenting will make someone a loser. We all had OUR time...and they need their learning experiences too.

Maybe I'm just a flake...but for the life of me...I can't understand what I could possibly do to stop her from doing anything she wants when she isn't in my presence.

I've got a son who posts on here sometimes too....his name is Sn00py. He had quite a year last year also. Luckily, jail scared him and he straightened right up.

Maybe I'm just a crappy parent.

Merika · 09-01-2005, 04:07 PM

Let me add.....my Mom was a teacher (and my teacher for 3 years of German) at my high school. I coudn't do SPIT! By the time I became an adult....I had no life experiences to speak of. I just got married and had a baby so someone would treat me like an adult instead of running my life.

I had great parents....but they were over bearing. I don't want to do the same thing to my kids. The oldest one turned out just fine. He got his Master's Degree and has a great job. The next two were from a different gene pool and have been a little more difficult to raise. :?

Stone · 09-01-2005, 04:07 PM

The only thing I have to say is

WELCOME TO THE TEENAGE YEARS!!

:? :?

Merika · 09-01-2005, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stone

The only thing I have to say is

WELCOME TO THE TEENAGE YEARS!!

:? :?

Bite me.... with my luck she'll act like YOU did when YOU were a teen!

Weiser · 09-01-2005, 05:58 PM

Ah, I can't offer too much advice. I don't have any kids and I had the best parents a person could ask for. Read some of my posts to get a feeling on what I did when I was younger...

Stone · 09-01-2005, 06:49 PM

All you really can do is try to educate her on the subject.

Star · 09-02-2005, 07:07 AM

all you can do is talk to them about these things, the long term effects, the dangers, etc.... it really is out of our control when your teens aren't with us. she knows that it';s wrong and that you don['t approve, now the rest is up to her.

raising teens. isn't it fun? NOT!!

Merika · 09-02-2005, 09:27 AM

She never said a word about it. She saw the note on her door and asked me if she could use the phone for a couple of minutes. She made a muffled call to a friend and then asked me if I wanted her to cook dinner or do anything else. :?

hezekiah · 09-02-2005, 01:08 PM

"Maybe I'm just a flake...but for the life of me...I can't understand what I could possibly do to stop her from doing anything she wants when she isn't in my
presence. "

"Maybe I'm just a crappy parent"

I was moved when I read this-teenagers are really individuals and they've only got a marginal sense
that they need anyone's guidance-you've certainly made mistakes-people always do,but too strict is just as dangerous as too lenient and maybe a little more-
if they learn your compassion they'll have an invaluable coping skill.
Teenagers have to go through hell-society is taking on some hellish aspects-if you didn't care or were resigned "oh well,Imight as well not even try"I would say you were a bad parent-but you care and you're trying!!!

Merika · 09-04-2005, 07:20 PM

So far...so good.

I can't make her moral calls....she's old enough to call her own. But I am responsible for her legally...so she'll have to keep the rules. One of those rules is not breaking the law while you live in my house.

I think she understood that more than if I had passed a judgement call.

Luba · 09-04-2005, 08:26 PM

You, for sure, are Not a crappy parent!! You are a very caring Mother and a caring person!

I would ask her why she didn't tell you about the party, no anger, maybe she will share some insight about what she needs from you! I wish I had talked more to my boys instead of burying my head in the sand a lot of the time. It wasn't until years later that I found out what they've done and tried and it was a shock! I just wish I was more involved...

Communication is so important but I think definitely angry words have to be kept out of it, she will be able to talk to you more!