Paternity Test!!

Stone · 01-09-2005, 03:13 PM

AH, the plot in my life always seems to thicken.

Greg brought it to my attention, ( in a nice matter) that he would like me to take a peternity test to see if the baby is his since we broke up in Sep for 2 weeks. I told him o.k. I would but he was being an ARSE. I am kind of insulted but I understand where he is comming from.

I havent told him about the "other guy" I slept with, and I am pretty sure it is not the "other guys" child.... I guess this would be a pretty good time to confess though

What do you think?

twinkle · 01-09-2005, 03:21 PM

No way. Take the test and shut up. You've done it, you'll have to live with it. But that's it.

I think that Greg isn't strong enough to accept your little adventure. Think of how much you need and want him in both your lives. I'm a "woman" here: deny deny deny!

Meanon · 01-09-2005, 03:23 PM

No stoneheather, I think this is a very bad idea. There is time to sort all this out but wait until your health issues are resolved. Your health and that of your baby are the most important thing right now, there is Noah to think of too.

Once you've had your tests and are getting treatment you can have the paternity test. I'd wait until then, given the fragility of your family unit.

Duke · 01-09-2005, 04:01 PM

He doesn't need to know, unless he already suspects something.

I'm on both sides of the fence here. I agree with what Meanon is saying but wonder if you don't do it, how much additional stress will be brought on in the later terms of your pregnancy, especially if hubby starts acting like an 00ber arse.

Stone · 01-09-2005, 04:03 PM

I won't get the test untill the baby is born, I AM NOT gettin no needel in my stomach.

Stone · 01-09-2005, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

He doesn't need to know, unless he already suspects something.

I'm thinking the same thing, If I tell him now I'll have to hear it forever and I am 99.99% sure it is his baby. It would ALMOST be impossible to be the other guys.

twinkle · 01-09-2005, 04:07 PM

The docs can take some amniotic liquid for the test, but I say "don't do it", since, it's dangerous to the baby's development.

Duke · 01-09-2005, 04:09 PM

Then it's not worth worrying about.

Conversly though, if he were to hound you about it, it may make it easier to just cut him loose. You seem to walk this fine line between keeping him and sending him packing and I suspect that may always be the case.

Star · 01-09-2005, 04:09 PM

I wouldn't tell him about it either. What if you do that then the test proves that the baby IS his, then you've confessed for nothing and as a result, your relationship suffers and you have a whole new set of problems.

If of course turns out to be the other guy's baby, then you have no choice but to fess up and deal with that at that time.

Stone · 01-09-2005, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

Then it's not worth worrying about.

Conversly though, if he were to hound you about it, it may make it easier to just cut him loose. You seem to walk this fine line between keeping him and sending him packing and I suspect that may always be the case.

I was thinking the same thing... I am going to be a hiprocrite here:

"I keep saying so you don't trust me".. and he just says "well we we're broken up so I would understand" I KNOW if I didn't cheat ( if that's what you want to call it) He would be out, but I did so I am kind of feeling bad. At the same time I will be EXTREAMLY suprised if this relationship lasts another year.

Duke · 01-09-2005, 04:26 PM

To be honest, so will I. You think you're under strain now, wait till you have another person in the house that requires your full attention.

twinkle · 01-09-2005, 04:26 PM

Heather, you need PEACE in your life. Peace. So either you tell him and he starts packing like now, or you just take him, accept the way he is until you have your baby.

It's like a rollercoaster, 'cause you'll always need help and support. Be 100% sure that you are transmitting your baby all your worries and all your anxieties.

So instead of torturing yourself about telling him or not, why don't you start thinking if you want him in your life or not. And than choose. And than make it happen.

If indeed you do want him in your life, then this is what you do. You talk to this smuck(how dare he torture you while you're pregnant, specially since he knows the harm he's doing) and tell him:
"Darling, I really do want you in my life. But this is highly stressful for me. I promise you that the minute I have the baby you shall have the paternity test you desire. Until then, I don't want to hear the sound of it".

In you don't want him in your life, tell him he's got 3 days to finish packing.

Don't postpone it, Heather. Your both kids need stability in their lives. Don't think Noah isn't feeling your agitation.

Good luck,

Twinkle

Samson · 01-10-2005, 08:12 AM

September?

So, you're at about 4 months. Sounds like you will deliver the child regardless of paternity.

I though the Greg's level of commitment was going to be tested during your recent trip to Disney? Is his paternity question a result of this trip? Regardless, it seems to be so much water under the bridge SH, ONLY UNLESS he may be concerned at this point about planning his financial obligation: Will he, or will he not be held accountable for supporting your baby?

Is this is a question that can most easily be settled after the child is born? Depends, I suppose, on how well situated you are to handle the immediate costs (hospital, recovery with and without birthing complications, day care, etc.), without his help?

Based on what you've said about this guy, he seems extraordinarily immature, behaving like a guy 20 years younger than his chronological age (AND that's DISCOUNTING any mental impairments he may claim justify his behavior)! I'd plan for the worse, and contact an adoption agency that would deal with costs if he doesn't make his committment to you official before March (you'll need a few months to get all the legal stuff settled before birth).

Merika · 01-10-2005, 08:20 AM

Personally, I'd have more stress in NOT knowing. I would ask my doctor if it was totally safe and have the test done. As you said, the chances are much higher that Greg is the father. It would be a relief to know for sure.....so you guys can decide if you want to try to patch up the relationship mess or not.

If he's not the father....then you can deal with that when the time comes.

I wouldn't do it for HIM......I would do it for MYSELF.

Again, that would just be what I would do. You have to do what's best for your emotionally and medically at this time.

Samson · 01-10-2005, 08:30 AM

Like all medical procedure, there is a slight risk, in this case, to the fetus. One must weigh the value of "relief" against this risk. I've actually had to make this decision because my wife was over 40 when she had our daughter, and ambio-test is recommened to screen for Downs syndrom.

My question to Delilah was: If this test is positive for Downs, then would you abort? Since the answer was "No" then I asked what the point of the test would be? All was well without the test, and we simply had to deal with the unknown for a few months: Not a huge price to pay to avoid the risk, IMHO.

Stone · 01-10-2005, 09:15 AM

Yes this is a result of my trip.

I had my "other guy thing" in Septermber we wore protection and did not finish if you get my drift... bad