Misbehaving Boy

Stone · 01-14-2005, 09:13 AM

My son is driving me NUTS!! and has been for weeks he is 4 1/2 years old and he still cries about EVERYTHING!! He is on meds for behavior and I've tried parenting classes, tapes, tough love everything and nothing will work.

In the last 72 hours he has

Spit in my face
Kicked me
Tried to strangle me
Threw toys in his room
Talked back to Greg
and constantly threw himslef on the floor.

This morning I had it, so I flipped out on him, I screamed and spanked and slammed doors I even called him a bad boy ( I NEVER EVER DO ANY OF THIS) Now I feel so guilty I want to go pick him up from school and say sorry, but he is so out of control. I don't know what to do.

I am thinking of taking the TV out of his room along with all of his toys and making him earn them back. I don't know if he is to young for this.. What do you think?

twinkle · 01-14-2005, 10:20 AM

MEds or not, he is at the age where he feels the need to contest all authority. Push the limits and see what happenes. Test you. It's a phase, but a very significant one. Like a test he's making you pass.

If you give in now, you'll always always give in. I say still be very upset with him when you take him from school, tell him that you were mad and upset becaus of him and ground him (tv sounds like a great idea) and STICK to it. Explain to him why he's being grounded and emphasise the fact that talking back will only get him more time alone in his room.

Maybe he doesn't quite understand everything, but he gets authority. Little boys need that. And you have to lay out your rules very clear.

Just my 2 cents, from a person who doesn't have kids but hates spoiled ones!

Star · 01-14-2005, 10:44 AM

SH, taking absolutely everything out of his room is the best thing to do to him. especially at his age! He'll learn early that this kind of behaviour won't be tolerated. I would just leave his bed and dresser in there. that's it. Earn everything back one by one with good behaviour and if he starts up again after he's earned it all back, do it all over again. That does work. It's a really good idea to do that. (spitting in your face? that's grownds for a spanking)

Star · 01-14-2005, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinkle

Just my 2 cents, from a person who doesn't have kids but hates spoiled ones!

bet you spoil your own when yo have them? Everyone does.

Stone · 01-14-2005, 10:53 AM

He is disabled and he playes it up, he can't talk but he understands EVERYTHING! so when I talk to him he act's like he can't understand me.. then when I ask him a question like " Why did you do that" he just barries his head and cries..

Personally I think he is getting to old to be crying and screaming and I think someone will call HRS on me soon because when he throws a tantrun it sounds like I am beating the crap out of him.... I wish I had a rubber room!!!

I do feel really horrible about what I did and said. I don't think it was healthy I was Fimming pissed when I yelled at him and I said alot of not so nice things.... I feel like a criminal

I called him a cry baby, and told him he is to old to cry that he is now a big brother and needs to act like one.( my Parenting class would call this mental abuse.... Do you think it is?)

twinkle · 01-14-2005, 11:19 AM

Saw today 2 little blue eyed angels at the supermarket. I tell you, star, I was breathless.

. I really was mesmerised... And they weren't even mine.

I'm scared to think of it. Hopefully I'll still be around and pray for good sound advice also.

twinkle · 01-14-2005, 11:26 AM

Prepare yourself for some serious jealousy acts along the way, SH.

I think everyone loses it from time to time. And I also think that also he was scared, he saw you had some limits also. YOu cannot always be the perfect parent.

Talk to him a lot. During the day, as much as you can. Helps develop some great bounds. My mom was even deciding which food to cook with me

. I was also around 4.

Bottom line: stop beating yourself up! You just have to make it through the day and love him a lot. That's all.

Tell us how it works out after picking him from school.

Samson · 01-14-2005, 12:51 PM

I've 10 and 8 year old boys. They never have had a TV in their room.

You didn't mention if your son's behavior is in any way associated with his disability? If it is, and it manifests itself at school, then they cannot discipline him for it. They can only put him in a more "restrictive environment."

As for the crying/tantrums, I'd just ignore it. I know....easier said than done.

Removing items/privilages until he returns to normal seems like a good plan. Corporal punishment might be effective (depends on the kid), but it doesn't sound like it works with your son. It works well on mine, but I'm not sure it is effective because of how it is administered, or because they have a particularly low pain threshold. Since I do not deliver particularly painful punishments, I believe it is the former, rather than the latter.

Stone · 01-14-2005, 01:13 PM

[quote="Samson"]I've 10 and 8 year old boys. They never have had a TV in their room.

You didn't mention if your son's behavior is in any way associated with his disability? If it is, and it manifests itself at school, then they cannot discipline him for it. They can only put him in a more "restrictive environment."

quote]

I made a huge mistake by giving him a TV in his room :? Won't be doing that again.

I can't tell if his behavior his from his disibility he has a communication problem due to his stroke but not with me, I know sign language... He's good at school and with his grandparents. So I am pretty sure it isn't disibility related for now.

Samson · 01-14-2005, 01:21 PM

Since his misbehavior only happens around you (and Greg?), then contact with you seems to be the only common denominator.

What do you (and/or Greg) think sets it off?

Stone · 01-14-2005, 01:47 PM

When we are busy and not giving him every single bit of his attention..or when he doesn't get his way.

He also acts up ALOT in public places because he knows there is little we can do about it. He acts bad infront of other kids and won't share when his peers are around.

Meanon · 01-14-2005, 02:59 PM

Don't feel gulity, SH. You do so well with Noah. Saying what you did is not mental abuse.

There are some really very effective systems for helping control this type of behaviour. I've seen them work, even in schools with kids with behavioural difficulties where discipline has broken down. PM me if you want details. They all work on a system of rewards, punishments and very consistent application of the "rules".

I'd take some of the toys out of his room and restrict access to the TV (putting it up on a wall stand and removing the remote is a good way of achieving this). Don't do it as a punishment (too long has passed since the event) but to enable you to reward him when he does well (no spitting, hurting etc.). At this age, the rewards/punishment need to be very closely linked to the good/bad behaviour to have maximum effect.

I find exclusion to be the best form of punishment. A naughty step on the stairs or some such place. A warning (if you can fit it in) works well too.

Merika · 01-18-2005, 10:20 AM

I'm sorry SH.....every now and then I'll be looking around in here and notice I've missed a thread. This is one of them.

Have things gotten better or have you found anything which works the best?

My kids were brats and I fed it like a big stupid green monster. I wish I would've quit making excuses.....and been more of a disciplinarian with them. AND NOW....they both agree I was a complete pansy by putting up with their crap.

Stone · 01-18-2005, 10:59 AM

I took his TV away it's been about 3 days so he is at the point where he will do anything to get it back...

I don't know if I want to give it back though... He has been falling asleep reading books and staying in his bed instead of on the floor, so he MIGHT get it back today with the rule that TV is turned off at 8:00 but I am not sure that will work :?

Merika · 01-18-2005, 11:57 AM

I used to lock up stuff in my trunk. Then, one day I realized the back seat could be pulled down and they were getting their stuff back and hiding it in their rooms. LOL. Enjoy the power while he is still young.