Lying

Stone · 02-27-2005, 06:53 PM

Noah is lying ALL the time.. I've laughed at his made up stories and passed most of it off as an age thing.. like Alligators are in his room, funny imagination stuff is great and cute..

Today at my mothers house I had to repremand him but I just told him that I would not accept the type of behavior he was having.. he ran to my mother and told her that I hit him!! I asked him why he said that and he just went along like I did and told me to say I'm sorry!! ( my mother knows I didn't hit him) We had the "lying" chat he didn't seem to understand but I tried the best I could to explain it.

We went to BK with Greg and came back home, Noah told me that Greg hit him in his mouth, scratched him in his face, ect... ( No he didn't.. Greg rarely spankes him and if he did before we always dicussed it togeather) Again I asked him why he was lying and he pulled the same crap " say your sorry" Greg, Noah and I sat togeather and I asked right infront of Greg. "Noah did Daddy Greg hit you?? He said yes, he hit me, scratched, me and he needs to say Sorry"

Why is he making this stuff up? It is very serious.. What if he goes to school and says we hit him!! I am very involved with his school and they think I am a great mom but they have mentioned that he was a little spoiled.

I don't know what to do about this, Should I say something 1st? Should I put him in the corner for lying? I don't know why he would say such things, maby for attention but the kid gets more attention that you can imagine!!! What do you think?

Star · 02-27-2005, 07:24 PM

Krystal took up lying when she was about 6 and never stopped. No matter what we did, she kept on lying. around the age of 13, her lies caused us a lot of grief. she was telling people in authority that her dad molests her and that we beat on her all the time. Of course children's aid got involved because whenever a child says things like that, they have to investigate and we welcomed them to. They found out that she was lying about everything and the counsellors that we had tried to get her to stop her lying too but that didn't work either.

She still lies! not about us anymore but other things. I wish I had an answer for you SH but unfortunately, we weren't able to stop krystal from lying either. She even accused her big sister of molesting her when she was 7!!! miranda was crushed! krystal later confessed that she lied and she did get grounded for that but it didn't stop her.

Kassandra doesn't lie about anything. I don't know why some kids pick that up and others don't. I don't know why she felt she had to lie in the first place! now it became a bad habit of hers that i totally hate! I always catch her in her lies, she never gets away with any lies with me and she continues to do it.

The only thing I can suggest is try real hard to nip that in the butt immediately or it'll never end. Ground him, take special things away from him everytime he lies, no matter how small or big the lie is. His lies could get you into trouble and you'd have to go through what we went through (it was pure hell). It's not nice when you have to defend yourself when you've done none of the things that you're being accused of doing. It was an extremely stressful time for us.

Duke · 02-27-2005, 08:52 PM

A lie is a lie and it is never cute. Punish him immediately for lying and allow no leniancy in your punishment. Eventually he will learn that it's unacceptable and hopefully stop.

Stone · 02-27-2005, 09:13 PM

I guess you can't count it as a lie when he is using his imagination.. all kids do. but I'll have to tell him that is only aqcceptable during play times.

Duke · 02-27-2005, 09:15 PM

All lies are imaginative SH and really shouldn't be acceptable. You know he's having a problem with it so I'd suggest that you clamp down hard on the situation right now.

Star · 02-27-2005, 09:19 PM

I agree. you need to not let him get away with any lying whatsoever. he's using his imagination when he lies about you and greg hitting him too. if you don't nip it now, he'll get worse.

Samson · 02-28-2005, 08:18 AM

I'm sure your question about what might happen if he reports abuse (real or imaginary) at school is rhetorical.

You need to carefully document what is going on and have some third impartial party coorberate that he is lying. Since you're actively involved at school, the counsellor might be a good 3rd party, but the issue will need to be handled delicately. Regardless, if this spirals out of control, its better that you initiate it than be surprised when CPS shows up unannounced during dinner one evening.

Meanon · 02-28-2005, 08:43 AM

He needs to learn not to do it but what progress you can expect very much depends on his age. Is he 4, SH?

Stone · 02-28-2005, 08:53 AM

yep he is 4

Meanon · 02-28-2005, 10:08 AM

At that age the distinction between pretending and lying is very fine. Kids this young are often unable to look at things from anyone else's point of view, which is one of the reasons they are very bad at predicting the consequences of their actions. That doesn't mean you shouldn't explain things or expect good behaviour, just that they may slip up more thanan older child and may need more help to remind them of what's right. My 4 year old blames her older sister for every naughty thing she does. Wishful thinking.

You know I'm a star chart fan for this age group

. It's a wonder cure. My friend has just used this method to get her daughter to go in to school happily. Every day before that there were tears and tantrums, she even refused to get dressed.

Make a card, draw some stars on in a line, cut them out of coloured paper. Stick a picture of a treat he wants at the end. Every day he doesn't lie he gets a star. 7 stars equals the treat. If he lies then take him to the chart (put it in your bag if you go out) remind him lying is naughty, it hurts peoples feelings, if he's naughty he doesn't get the star or the treat. Ask him the question again. If it doesn't work then have a break make the treat come sooner, give the star for half a day etc.

Bribery works and it's more effective than punishment because they want to be good.

Merika · 02-28-2005, 10:50 AM

First of all....I TOTALLY agree with Samson. Just due to how teachers have to respond if they hear anything similar to these types of stories....forces them to have to report it to authorities. I would meet with the school counsellor and also keep a notebook of 'situations' to be referred back to if needed.

As Meanon said....he is still very young. He is probably confusing thoughts, or perhaps even dreams, with reality. It doesn't mean he's a bad boy. He may just be confused or has an over active imagination.

As I've posted before, the first time I talked to her kindergarten teacher....the lady asked me if I would bring in the 'triplets'. HAHA! Kids can imagine stuff and it becomes very real to them.

Beyond all that...Noah's perception of various punishments, or you guys getting on to him, may be messed up. Since he has other physical challenges....it's possible he sees thing differently than they really are and these things are upsetting him.