Gentle Discipline

[Duke]

Linked from the article that can be found on Lifesupporters news here.

Any thoughts on this topic?

[Duke]

I spanked my daughter once in her life and only out of fear for her life. I'm not condoning the act but one positive did come from it, I never laid a hand on her again.

Now that I'm older, I have friends who have children as well and it sure is interesting to see them as parents. I use the term "interesting" loosely. I see kids that hit, yell, scream and lose their temper for sometimes little or no reason. I wonder where they got it from?

I think the only thing that spanking taught me was that I didn't want to put my children through it. I'm not even sure if it bothers the child nearly as much as it bothers the adult but I can say it's a toss up to who cried more, my daughter or me.

I also firmly believe every article I ever read that thinks hitting your child teaches them to hit. The same goes for yelling at them too.

[Merika]

Am I against spanking? No. Do I advocate spanking? No. Confused yet, I sure am

I agree with the author of the article. I never was able to find that fine line between discipline and being afraid I would break my children's spirits. I have some regrets about my choice to be more lenient. It comes back to haunt you once they are older. I think a little 'fear' is a good thing for kids to have. Once you've passed the 'instilling' age....it's almost impossible to go back to correct it.

Now, that I've spent some time researching and pondering the subject....I've come to think that the 'spare not the rod' in the Bible is referring to a measuring device (since they used it for that purpose!). Perhaps, we should make our children 'measure up' to more expectations early on instead of making excuses for their wrong behavior.

I know for sure a lack of it will come back and bite you later! I also think it depends on a child by child basis. Each kid is different in how you need to deal with them.

[Duke]

Thanks Marika, I'm the author of that quote and it's a true represetation of how I feel.

I'm not saying it's wrong to hit. I do believe that many parents use it as an excuse to not fully understand the situation whether they realize it or not. I punish my child if she does something wrong but I don't need to hit her to do it. She knows my tolerance level and my thoughts and feelings on matters and she adheres to them very, very well. When she pushes me and I blast off (verbally and rarely) she knows she's done wrong and is punished accordingly. Every time the punishment ends though, I sit and talk with her about it. In fact, often I won't even wait to explain my reasoning to her and do it right away.

Of course every child is different. I've just found that mine responds very well to punishment with ample communication.

[Merika]

I didn't know you wrote that Duke....it was a VERY good article. I thought some child specialist wrote it. LOL!

Think about this as an alternate thought. Time and finances play a big part on how many options you have in disciplining a child.

Once teens are too old for a babysitter, if you had to work and couldn't enforce a set 'restriction'....what other options would you suggest? I think this is a serious dilemma for many parents.

Trust me ...yelling doesn't work! LOL!

[Mondo]

I was spanked when I was a child...but then I was a hyperactive little git!

I guess I'll discuss this with the person I have kids with and come to a conclusion that makes us both feel happy...not that I've met that person yet...

[Duke]

I hear what you're saying Marika and agree that outside circumstances can lead to some aberrant behavior. I also believe that many children act up for attention, positive or negative, it's still attention.

Unfortunately, I don't live with my daughter. I am more of a weekend play pal than a father but it doesn't lessen my role. I do what I can to enforce my views with realistic expectations. I don't expect my daughter to be an angel, just a reasonably caring, well spoken, light hearted young lady. Since day one I've taught her to laugh at herself (even though I didn't realize it).

Life today can be so hectic and full of crap as you stated and it takes away from our family life. I think children know this and don't expect it to change. All they want is to be the center of your attention with the short time you do have together. If I have my daughter for only a few hours, we spend it together in a mutually satisfying way. No matter where we go or what we do, the focus of our time together is that it's our time together.

I'm rambling, sorry.

[Duke]

Mondo, all I can say is if you didn't like being spanked as a kid, it's a safe bet your children won't either. I'd recommend treating your children as you want to be treated then reap the benefits.

[Mondo]

Your probably right but I needed to be reigned in as a kid. I've always said to myself, I'll make up for all the short comings of my Father and his Father to him with my kids but Im not sure that the discipline they used was either to little or to much.

I'll guess I'll find out at some point.

[Duke]

I think of myself as a bit of a handful as well as a child. The funny thing to hear it is my mom says I was a total angel but I still got spanked from dad. I think perceived reality plays a bit of a role in parenting styles and often gender may even have a hand in it.

I'm sure though that you are aware of the mistakes your parents have made and should try and steer away from the same behavoir. It's not always possible but awareness is half the cure.

[Merika]

You know what Mondo....when the time comes....there will be days when you think you are a great parent and there will be times when you know you missed the mark. At the end of the day though....it's the love exchanged which makes or breaks the parent-child relationship.

HINT: They are more lovable BEFORE they are teenagers!!

[Duke]

Merika, give me a link to where you're getting all these gifs and I'll add them to the site.

I'm looking foward to my daughter becoming a teenager with mixed enthusiasm.

[Merika]

I love stealing bandwidth because I have no cyber pride. I'm not sure you could download them into here without probs though. I'll PM the link I'm using today.