Forgiveness...

[Luba]

I have been thinking long and hard about someone's post of forgiving their parents, and for the life of me, I can't remember who it was! (Must be the forgetting thing that comes with age which is why I'm posting it here)
Until I read that post, I thought I was the best Mother I could be and was pretty okay with that! Since I read that post, I have had second thoughts on that! I thought giving love to my sons and them knowing how much I loved them was "it"! Now, I know different!
I got to thinking about my own parents, and how I had forgiven them their parenting or lack of it sometimes. Well, I did the same! Love just isn't enough when you are pursuing your own goals which is what I was doing when they were growing up and still needed me. This is making me cry because though they had my love, they had very little else of me because I was working and studying to be 'better' than what my parents were, so instead of asking them how their day was or playing games or just sitting quietly with them, or being there for whatever they needed from me, I was studying and driving my one son crazy with my clacking typewriter (which is what we used in those days). I wanted to be a Legal Secretary because I loved the Law and with working full-time and studying two heavy courses every six months, I look back and know I gave my children very little of me! You know what the saddest part of this is?...I got my Legal Secretary Diploma hanging on the wall and I don't even like to fill out paperwork now...how sad is that? I'm doing work that is totally different now and love it, and requires a minimum of paperwork! And what happened? My beautiful sons grew up and I would give a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g to have that time back just to put my arms around them, watch some movies, eat some popcorn, and laugh with them!
I've forgiven my parents, I've forgiven friends who hurt me, I even forgave my father-in-law before he died, but I have a hard time forgiving myself for the ache I now feel for not truly being there for my incredibly wonderful sons!

[Star]

I forgave my parents for not being there for me and i'm so happy that i did.

I was at my parents place one day with my girls. we were sitting on the ocuch watching TV with my mother and my girls were sitting each on one side of me cuddled up to me. Krystal was 13 and kassandra was about 10. My mother, out of the blue, looks at me and says "you're so close to your girls. You're a very good mother. I wasn't a good mom to you was i." well, to answer her, I said, not really mom but you're a good mother now and you're good with my kids. She had tears running down her face and apologized to me. that's the day I forgave my mother and my relationship with her has been good ever since. I just needed to hear those words from her mouth.

I forgave my dad years and years ago. I had more anger towards my mother then i did my dad. I was always close to my dad but never to my mother. So it took longer to forgive my mother then it did my dad.

I realize that they did the best they could and knew how at that time. That's all parents can do is the best they know how. There are no perfect parents, including ourselves.

[Merika]

I avoid staying upset with a family member....no matter what. There's nothing to accomplish by not forgiving and forgetting. They are the only family you've got.

[Dwoing]

Luba is my Grandma and we get along ok

[Star]

Luba's your gramma? I didn't know that!!

[Merika]

Good thing I didn't PM Luba and say Duke was a great big A$$ or something. HAHAHA! :twisted:

[Star]

LMAO!!

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Merika

Good thing I didn't PM Luba and say Duke was a great big A$$ or something. HAHAHA! :twisted:

Quite honestly I'm suprised you didn't

While on the subject, just how many people have you PM'd and asked to join the smear Duke campain?

You kill me Merika

Oh btw, duck, flying trailer.

[Vautrin]

Originally Posted by Duke

While on the subject, just how many people have you PM'd and asked to join the smear Duke campain?

Darn. He is onto something here ...

[Merika]

HEY....it's not EASY for the Super PowderPuff Mods in here to keep the Froggie on the chain!


Thats: ME - STONE & STAR! LMAO!


If we need to bring in family help...we will!

[Vautrin]

Oh, great. Who gets to play the professor, and the mayor?

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Vautrin

Oh, great. Who gets to play the professor, and the mayor?

Since you are the smartest....Professor it is:

[Paul]

Dwoing you crack me up

[Luba]

Quoted from "Women Who Run With Wolves"...
"Oh, argh, forgiveness?" you say. Anything but that? But you know in your heart someday, sometime, it will come to that. It may not come until the deathbed time, but it will come. Consider this: Many people have trouble with forgiveness because they have been taught that it is a singular act to be completed in one sitting. That is not so. Forgiveness has many layers, many seasons. In our culture there is a notion that forgiveness is a 100 percent proposition. All or nothing. It is also taught that forgiveness means to overlook, to act as though a thing has not occurred. This is not true either.
A woman who can work up a good 95% forgiveness of someone or something tragic and damaging almost qualifies for beatification, if not sainthood. If she is 75% forgiving and 25% "I don't know if I even can forgive fully, and I don't even know if I want to," that is more the norm. But 60% forgiveness accompanied by 40% "I don't know, and I'm not sure, and I'm still working on it," is definitely fine. A level of 50% or less forgiveness qualifies for work-in-progress status. Less than 10%? You've either just begun or you're not really trying yet.
But, in any case, once you've reached a bit more than halfway, the rest will come in time, usually in small increments. The important part of forgiveness is to begin and to continue. The finishing of it all is a life work.
Some people. by innate temperament, are more easily able to forgive than others. For some it is a gift, for most it has to be learned as a skill.