Ever feel guilty

Duke · 10-26-2004, 09:28 PM

over something you said or did to your child? I believe I'm a good parent and think that way because I'm never truly happy with my skills. That may also have a small role to play in why I started this site in the first place.

I find I feel badly about something virtually every time I have my daughter. I go over the time we spent together in my head and analize what I could of done differently. Sometimes it nearly brings me to tears when I think of when I've overreacted or said something I shouldn't have.

Is this normal?

Merika · 10-26-2004, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

Is this normal?

NO!

Just teasing you Duke!

I guess since you aren't with her all the time you worry about these things...... but chances are they aren't even crossing her mind one way or the other. The only important thing to your daughter is that you love her and are there if she needs you.

Every now and then I'll think over something and apologize...but usually it's a past issue by the time dinner is ready anyway.

Duke · 10-26-2004, 10:25 PM

Ya I wish I did live with her. Imagine saying goodbye to the most important person in your life once. Now imagine doing that every weekend or so, it sux more than anything I've experienced in life to date.

Merika · 10-26-2004, 10:34 PM

I cried when my daughter went to live with her dad for the few months because I felt like it was such a mistake.

I DO NOT cry when they leave now to go here or there with friends! I am very happy to say BYE BYE and consider it Mama's party time!

Paul · 10-26-2004, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

Ya I wish I did live with her. Imagine saying goodbye to the most important person in your life once. Now imagine doing that every weekend or so, it sux more than anything I've experienced in life to date.

If you don't mind me asking, why don't you get a better arrangement for custody? I don't know how this works but basically it sounds to me like a good father, one who actually wants to be part of his daughters' life, is getting the **** covered end of the stick.

Merika · 10-26-2004, 11:42 PM

Yeah.....I was wondering what the 'joint custody' rules were in Canada. In the USA they can actually be very liberal. Keep in mind also....once she gets to a certain age and if she wants to live with you for awhile....there really isn't anyway for that to be stopped as long as you agree.

Star · 10-27-2004, 07:51 AM

I think every parent has said or done something that made them feel guilty at one point or another. There is no such thing as the "perfect parent" and we do make mistakes everyday.

Our 12 (soon to be 13) yr. old daughter asked us if she can go to a dance once a month with her friends. We didn't know what to do. If we let her go, will it be a mistake or not? We allowed our oldest to go at 13 yrs and look how she turned out?!? we were so scared. We decided to let her go. we drove her and her friends there and picked them all back up and drove everyone home safely.

My daughter had such a good time and she felt good that we trusted her enough to let her go. but, the question still remains in my head, did we make a mistake? maybe she's too young? we don't know, all we know is that she's worthy of trust and should be compensated for her exceptionally good behavior.

we, as parents make mistakes out of good intentions most of the time. we're not perfect and it's OK.

Merika · 10-27-2004, 08:10 AM

I've screwed up plenty. I used to go out a lot and then last year I was hardly ever home due to working. We've had times when finances were very difficult. We've had Mr. AssClown screwing stuff up. We've been through some hard times.

Life isn't perfect.....neither are families. But, we've always managed to hang in there together. If everyone is sure they are loved...then we'll all be okay.

Duke · 10-27-2004, 08:05 PM

I have full visitation rights but can't fight for more. Her mom has no problems getting into screaming matches (and has) with my daughter in the same room. I don't like this and know the only person who suffers is my daughter.

I used to get her every weekend but now that she's older she has more commitments on her life. I abide by what she wants to do and get her as often as I can. I can't do any better than that and refuse to go back to the bickering stage.

Luba · 12-03-2006, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

I find I feel badly about something virtually every time I have my daughter. I go over the time we spent together in my head and analize what I could of done differently. Sometimes it nearly brings me to tears when I think of when I've overreacted or said something I shouldn't have.

Is this normal?

It's either normal or inherited! Twenty years later and you've been on your own all that time, I still analyze what I could have done differently.

It's not getting any easier taking her to her Mom's house, is it? It's not easy for the both of you...I've witnessed it a couple of times and it's been heartbreaking to watch....