Don't Mess With Mom

Star · 01-12-2005, 05:47 PM

My son came home from school one day
with a smirk upon his face.
He'd decided he was smart enough
to put me in my place.
Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The "Children's Bill of Rights."
It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair,
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue and nose.
I can read and watch just what I like,
and get tatoos from head to toes.
And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with the crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
betterknown as C.S.D."

Of course my first instinct was
to toss hiim out the door
But the chance to teach a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
The next day I took him shopping
at the local goodwill store
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts and pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.,
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike airs.
And I've cancelled that appointment
to take your driver's test
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
Just save that raging appetite,
and wait 'til dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof above your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now,
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt bike and roller blades.
Check out the "Parent's Bill of Rights,"
It's in effect today!

Hey, hot shot, are you crying,
and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out
instead of C.S.D?"

-author unknown