Daughter is gone again

[Star]

My daughter, Krystal has left again. She left 2 days ago. She kept threatening to leave and I was trying to talk some sence into her (especially now that she's a mom) and that wasn't working so I called her bluff and helped her leave. I threw her things out the door and told her that if she leaves, never to come back again. Of course I didn't mean that, I was very angry at her selfishness.

She called me yesterday at around 3 pm. I told her to come home. She said she was going to but hasn't shown up at all as of yet. I told her that I didn't mean what I said about her never coming back home, that I was just angry and disapointed. I thought for sure she'd be back by now but no.

So now, here it is the eve of x-mas eve and she's still not home. The children's aid worker is coming here today at 4. If she isn't back by then, I'll have no choice but to let them know what's going on. This is not what i want to do! I can't believe that she's not here for erika! Now i'm wondering if erika's first christmas will be spend without her mom. What a selfish immature daughter i have.

Here i was looking forward to having x-mas with krystal here since she hasn't been around for the past 3 years and that doesn't look too promissing. Oh well, at least we have erika here.

[Stone]

OMG! I'm so sorry but I am glad that you have that baby there safe with you. I don't even know what to say, I'm floored. I'll keep you and your faimly in your prayers.

Do you have Cusody of Erika?

[Fayebelle]

*HUGS* I'm sure you've done the best you could raising Krystal but people will make their own decisions and many mistakes. I know that doesn't salve your heart much but you have to concentrate on Erika now. It's not fair- but that's what family does. ESPECIALLY for a child. You can't protect Krystal forever- she has to learn that actions have consequences so DO NOT feel guilty if she forces you to tell SS (she is FORCING you if she is shirking her responsibilities and acting in this manner)


Try to find some cheer- if Erika must have a Christmas w/out Mom- don't force her to see only sad faces round the tree.

More Hugs and Luv!

[Stone]

Sorry to say Star but "After Christmas" I would stop being nice and saving her A**. You guys have been thru Enough and you don't need it. If she can't be responsible and stop running away for her OWN good nevertheless her OWn daughter nothing is going to do it. Erika doesn't need to be raised with her mother abandoning her nip that in the bud right now. DCF will help you protect that baby, do what you have to do for her. They can keep you the custodial parent right?

[darkangelism]

Im sorry to hear that.

[Star]

I am and will remain the primary caregiver to erika either until krystal proves herself to children's aid or forever if she chooses not to. Erika isn't going anywhere; she stays here with us in a stable home and with people who love her to death.

I feel really sad that krystal won't be here for x-mas again but there isn't anything i can do about it. If she comes back before then, then she's more then welcomed BUT come after x-mas, if she continues pulling these stunts, she won't be allowed to live here anymore. I told her on the way out that i won't allow her to keep coming in and out of erika's life and that if i have to, i will get custody to make sure she has no rights to her. That doesn't mean that i will become "mommy" because i'm not. I'm gramma and always will be gramma to erika.

I am a little embarassed to go to our family get togethers now that krystal isn't here. the questions they'll ask and the "i told you so's". I really don't want to hear that because you know, with your own children, you can't help but give chance after chance. and she still is a child herself. But, Erika does come before krystal now so her well being is top priority. Erika will have a good x-mas even if mom isn't with her.

[Duke]

That story made me absolutely sick star, I'm really sorry that the saga must continue. I don't know how you do it. If it were me, now that she's broken her promise to come home when she said she would, I wouldn't let her back in before Christmas, regardless of how badly she wants to come back. I hate to say it star, but at some point your going to have to put your foot down and I say theres no time like the present. I actually hope it ruins your daughters Christmas because the selfish little brat deserves it, look what she's doing to her mother and daughter.

Sorry for the rant, but how your daughter treats you makes my blood boil.

[Stone]

Don't be embarassed to be around your faimly, they shouldn't make you feel bad, and if they do call them on it, just say " your comments arn't helping any"

How is your huysband handeling this? You two need to be the glue for this baby right now

[Star]

You know, 1/2 of me wants to tell her she's not welcomed back but my heart won't let me do that. She hasn't called me yet today which tells me she's not wanting to come back. if she doesn't show up in time for x-mas (she knows our schedule) then she won't be allowed to come back. She's done this to us since she was 13 (not be here for christmas). this won't be the last if she doesn't show up soon.

Hubby is extremely supportive. He supports any decision I feel I have to make whether he agrees with it or not. He keeps telling me that I'm such an awesome mother and he hates the way krystal hurts me but he puts that all aside if I decide to try once more, everytime. He's the best!

I was feeding the baby a few night ago (krystal was still here then) in our bed and he looks at me and says that this is what he loves about me the most, the love I have for my children and now my grandchild. Those words mean so much to me because when you have a child that ends up like my krystal, you do sometimes question your parenting skills and do blame yourself at some points.

Even if Krystal isn't here, I still kind of have her here with Erika. Erika is 1/2 her so that makes me feel a little better. I am very sad that Krystal isn't here but there isn't anything i can do about that now. she is 16 and she can do what she chooses. I hope one day she'll come full circle around. In the meantime, I'll keep assuring erika that her mommy does love her lots. She must be missing erika by now. I know i'd be missing her!

Hubby, kassandra, the baby and i are all going shopping after the children's aid worker leaves. We still need to buy our stocking stuffers and a couple of cute outfits for erika to wear at the get togethers and a couple x-mas first christmas bibs. I asked hubby if we still buy krystal's stocking stuffers and he's leaving it up to me. He's such a wonderful guy! I'm going against it though. She doesn't deserve the gifts under the tree let alone the stocking stuffers. Why waste my money? I'll just buy more for kassandra and erika instead.

The problem I've always had in my life was my heart always over-ruled my logic. My whole family's like that. I'm cursed.

[Duke]

star, in the short time I know you, I've developed a lot of respect for you. You are part of a person I wish I could one day be but will sadly never acheive. By my way of thinking, your a bit "over-gracious" and I just don't have that in me. That isn't meant as anything but a compliment btw.

[Star]

Thank you duke. I do take it as a compliment.

My daughter just now walked through the door. She was at a friend's (a boy she used to know 2 years ago.. seems like a nice boy too...I'm surprised! ) house and the mother drove her home. I was surprised to say the least when I seen her walk through that door. I really truly didn't think she would come back home.

I'll give her this last chance, and it is the last chance. If she does this again, she won't be able to come back. She's feeding the baby right now and when she's done, I will be sitting down with her and laying those rules on the table. She's going to have to comply with the rules or leave. I will not go through this again with her.

[Fayebelle]

Good Luck Star! I wish you all the best!

[Stone]

I still think you should tell DCF what she did, that baby isn't very old and she broke your trust already. I think it is in Erikas best intrest that you REMAIN her gauardian for at lease a couple of years.

Anyways she could of easily said mom I need a break form Erika, I am going to a friends house I'll be back __________. She's a mother now she can't just run off.

Anyways we're in a diffrent time zone so next time we hear from you your christmas will probably be over so MERRY CHRISTMAS STAR AND FAIMLY!!!!

[Duke]

Good luck star, let us know how it goes.

I have a question, if we were to clean up some posts (mostly mine) that do some daughter bashing, would it maybe be beneficial to have her come here for a bit?

Just a question and prolly a stupid one at that.