Daughter is gone again - Page 3

Merika · 01-04-2005, 09:50 AM

She IS on a reliable birth control now......right?

Star · 01-04-2005, 10:51 AM

no she isn't yet. We had to wait for her new health card to come in before she can go to the doctors and since she's lost all of her id, it takes time for it all to come in. I am waiting for her to call me again and WILL have a chat with her about the birth control again because I cannot do this twice or three times.... This is the first and last time I can do this. I did tell her that prior to her leaving.

I just talked with the children's aid worker and told her that krystal is no longer here. I asked her about their involvment now that she's not here because now there is no danger to erika now that she's gone and she said that they will probably just disapear after a few months when they're sure that krystal isn't moving back in. I stressed that I will not allow krystal to move back in because it's not healthy for erika to have her come and go all the time. The worker is coming to see me this week so I'll talk to her more about all that then. I can't wait until they disapear which should be soon.

Duke · 01-04-2005, 12:34 PM

Well star, you are now the mother. I don't think I would even allow your daughter to think she is since she certainly can't play the role. This is one decision that will bite your daughter squarely in the rear later on in life should she ever wake up.

Star · 01-04-2005, 12:44 PM

i guess i am in that role now aren't i. I feel tired like a new mom does, and i didn't have to go through any pregnancy or labor pains. She is my little gift from god though and a treasure to have in the house.

i couldn't of asked for a better baby if this is the way it has to be. she sleeps through the night already (and she has since she was 1 month old), she only fusses when she 's hungry, needs a diaper change, wants to cuddle or has gas which even then it's only a tiny wimper. I put her to bed for the night wide awake and she's quiet as a mouse and falls alseep on her own. Why is it that teenagers always have the good babies? Mine weren't that good! they screemed every 2 hours to be fed and had colic for 2 months. It was pure hell! 8O

Erika's my little live dolly.

Duke · 01-04-2005, 12:45 PM

Star · 01-05-2005, 05:39 PM

Well, Krystal decided to show up tonight at about 6 pm at the door. That's the first time I've heard a thing from her since the 1st of january. She knocked on the door, i opened it and stodd there for a minute in shock.

I let her in, and she went right for Erika who was sleeping on the couch. She picks her up and holds her for about a minute then asks if the rest of stuff is ready for her to take! I said yes it is but first I told her she needed to call the social worker who was here today and the lady for school. Told her she has to call them both first thing in the morning and gave her the numbers.

She went upstairs, got her 2 garbage bags of stuff (left the box behind) and came back downstairs. went to the baby and kissed her on the cheek and walked out the door to where a guy in a red car was waiting for her across the street. She got in and left. Kassandra and I both stodd at the door watchiing her leave in this car.

I am so angry that she didn't spend anymore time than that with her daughter. She's a lost cause.

twinkle · 01-05-2005, 06:47 PM

I'm amazed. Where does she find men that easily? I'm not familiar with the American way of living, but I have at least two friends, good looking and single for at least 2 years. They're 24, btw, LOOL!!!

Sorry, just trying to change the subject a bit.

Star... try to ERASE Krystal. I know I'm not a mom, and it's a horrible advice, but one cannot help people unless they really want and Ask to be helped.

Watching your kid "drawn" must be devastating, yet one must "die" before is "reborn". Don't try to stop the process. Don't cover her A**, don't help her, don't call her. Just turn away. Let her that she is all alone. Meaning no support, moral or financial. Hopefully it will be the cold shower she needs.

Think Erika! She's a few months now, how about when she'll be 2 years old? Able to speak? To walk? How will she handle her coming and going? Doing all that she wants?

Please please please don't hate me for saying this, but my honest opinion is that you did the Christian thing to do: helped a little soul come to this world. Now you have to protect her like a true mother does. You have to protect her from Krystal. I think you should do everything in your power to cut Erika from your daughter. If indeed Erika and not Krystal comes first... then you have to have a controlled environment when they meet.

Krystal is walking away with a man she barely knew. I won't ever say STDs. Get someone else to keep coming there when she arrives. Other people spot things you may involuntarily not see. Make it tougher on her to reach Erika. Make her fight for her rights. That's the only way to appreciate it. If she walks away, she didn't desrve it in the first place.

I don't know how or when Krystal will change. If ever. I do know she needs to reach top bottom before she does. Don't prevent her from doing so.

Love,

Diana

Duke · 01-05-2005, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinkle

I'm amazed. Where does she find men that easily? I'm not familiar with the American way of living, but I have at least two friends, good looking and single for at least 2 years. They're 24, btw, LOOL!!!

putting out

Sorry star but that will land you a new guy right away, every time. I'm not saying that's the case here so don't read that into it but it is a sure fire way to get a guy very quickly.

twinkle · 01-05-2005, 07:55 PM

Well, Duke, putting out is not so much a problem unless you let it become one. If one is able to keep his/her life toger and put out, great. The problem is handling it.

My two friends there feel unable to do so and will probably die old spinsters. Educated, yet alone.

It's not so much the lifestyle to criticise, but the ability to control the effect of it over each person. Krystal was ready to take off with her new fling in the heat of the action. That's because she's young, impressionable and not sure of herself. Should she have kept this affair out of her mom's reach, see the guy(or more guys) and still be able to raise Erika, go to school, be a good student and work, that would have been great. What each person does in the privacy of their own bedrom does, with whom and how many times.... we risk to become bigots if we het into it...

She can't do all that. Now, that's the bad part.

Duke · 01-05-2005, 08:43 PM

I couldn't agree more, I was just answering the question.

Merika · 01-05-2005, 10:44 PM

Maybe Krystal feels she still has personal issues to deal with in her life and that she is doing the baby a favor by staying away. I'm sure she isn't a cold mean person. She's a very confused teenager who doesn't know how to juggle motherhood and her own rebellious lifestyle.

She knows her baby is in the best hands possible. When she's ready....she'll probably turn herself around and straighten up. Right now...being with Erika is possibly making her feel too guilty. She won't be able to play the 'out of site....out of mind' game too long though. These things and her own motherly instincts will kick in eventually.

I think she is being selfish....but even adults can be selfish. It doesn't make her a bad girl....just a silly one....for now.

I agree with Twinkle though in that you may just have to let it all go....focus on the baby.....and let Krystal make her own mistakes until she gets to the point of realizing she is being her own worst enemy.

Duke · 01-05-2005, 11:23 PM

I doubt that she's given it that much thought at all. I don't even think she's capable of any kind of rational at this point. I could be wrong but that sure is what it looks like.

Star · 01-05-2005, 11:37 PM

I do believe that she's feeling guilty which is why she didn't stay long or spend a lot of time with Erika. Erika is the first one she ran to when she walked through the door so that says something.

I also believe that she is very confused and not wanting to be a mom at this point. She might be feeling the baby blues, who knows. She is only 16 and a very immature 16 year old to boot so I can't say that i should expect anymore then this from her.

The guy that drove her was an old friend from her old high school (that she never got 1 credit from and got kicked out of). He's a nice guy so I know she's in good hands.

I have let her go. there is nothing i can do to help her anymore; heck, there wan't anything i can do to help her at 13 so even less now! You can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves. She is 16 and she chose to leave on her own so now she's going to have to live with that consequence of not being able to move back home. the door is closed. she knows it. she knocked on the door tonight. Letting her go doesn't mean that i don't love her or listen to her when she calls or not let her see her child. I will never stop her from seeing her child. That would be the wrong thing to do for both her and erika. it wouldn't be fair. Erika will need to see her mother.

The ball's in her court. it's all up to her whether she's going to go through with all of her programs or not. She's got to make the phone calls and participate. If she chooses not to follow through with everything, then she will lose everything. Hubby and i will hve no choice but to go for custody of erika (when erika is 1 year old) and then she'll have a bigger hurdle to jump if she has a turn around. I KNOW that erika will be well into going to school way before krystal shapes up. i also know that krystal will eventually shape up...this isn't going to be a forever thing. She does have a heart and feelings too. I have to believe that the morals and values I taught her will shine eventually. They're in there.

For the meantime, we will live our lives and raise erika with tons of love, hugs and kisses. Erika is my number 1 priority between her and krystal. she has to be, she's my little grasshopper.

I have so many pet names for her, i don't think she'll know her real name for years! LOL!