Daughter is gone again - Page 2

Star · 12-28-2004, 11:15 AM

Dealing with this I don't find too hard. frustrating at times, yes but not hard. I remember what it felt like to be 16. I can only imagine how scary it would be to be 16 and deal with everything that comes with being 16 naturally and a baby on top of that.

She loves erika with all her heart. I know it because i see the way she looks at her, plays with her, hugs her, kisses her and cuddles with her. That's one thing I always told my kids were that they won't understand how much i really do love them until they have kids of their own. I think krytal understands and feels this, i really do. She didn't want to leave that day. I know she didn't. I saw it in her eyes. She left out of spite, anger and pride. I know how that feels cause i remember leaving my parents place in that frame of mind too at 16. It's a difying behaviour thing. I just wasn't sure if she was going to come back. Hubby told me she would but i didn't believe it until i seen her walk through that door.

all that krystal can do is her best and right now, that's what she's doing, the best that she can being 16 and all. I think her sticking around is a huge improvement! remember that she's been living o her own with no rules for the past 3 years! It's an adjustment to move back home with rules again and i think she's doing OK with it. She'll mess up again, I know she will but I'll be there to help her back on her feet and on the right track. Bottom line is that she's still a child herself and she does still need guidance and she still needs to be able to feel like a kid too sometimes. I give her that. If I never let her be 16, she's lose it and would leave for good. then erika's without her mommy. that wouldn't be a good thing. so, compromizing with krystal is the path that's working and it's working well. I'm just doing my mommy job.

Star · 12-31-2004, 03:54 PM

Well, Krystal left. She got into an arguement with her sister last night and because things didn't turn out the way she wanted them to, she decided that she was leaving.

Again, I tried to reason with her...the you don't leave your child speach, etc... without success. Just before she was ready to walk out that door, I told her again that she will NOT be welcomed back if she chooses to do this again. I told her that she's choosing to leave (because we didn't tell her to at all) and that's a choice she'll have to live with forever. She chose to leave anyways.

She told me a couple days ago that the diddler was out of jail already. She's going to make her in back into Brampton to be with him I know it. So, she chose a low life scum bag over her own tiny beautiful little baby girl. I have zero respect for her now and as hard as it is for me to say this, I don't want her to contact me whatsoever, not on the phone, by mail, internet, nothing. She can live her own life being selfish as she is all by herself. I want no part of it anymore.

I just wrote an e-mail to her lawyer to let him know that she no longer lives here with us. He needs to know because on the 15th, she has court and if everything was going according to plan, her living here, doing good, behaving and comencing all her programs, school and counselling then the charges of breach would've been dropped. As it stands now, she'll probably have to do jail time because she chose the same path she's chosen for the past 3 years. I don't care. I will not be there for court, i will not go visit her in jail, i will never bail her out of anything again. It hurts me really bad that I have to "disown" my daughter at this time, but I have no other choice. There isn't anythig more I can do for her.

I am now a full time grandparent raising my grandchild. I don't mind at all. I'm grateful that I have at least Erika with me and I have the honor of raising her. She's my tiny little gift from God and I will take very good care of her.

Stone · 12-31-2004, 04:12 PM

Jeze Star it seems like every single holiday she pulls this, You and Erika and Kassandra don't need your holidays ruined. Again I am so sorry, what happened to the nice boy?

Star · 12-31-2004, 04:57 PM

I guess the nice boy is too good for her. she needs the bad one. I hope her choice is worth everything she's losing.

Duke · 12-31-2004, 06:35 PM

I wish I could reach out and smack your daughter.

Star · 12-31-2004, 06:53 PM

i'd love to smack her myself....if only i could

Merika · 12-31-2004, 08:51 PM

OH GAWD.....I'm sorry Star!!! She just seems to be having a hard time getting her crap together. Maybe you should rethink the state wanting to put her on some sort of medication. Do you think it may have anything to do with the erratic way she is behaving?

You DO have full custody.......right? Is there any way at all that she and that overgrown RETARD could get custody from you?

This would all be my biggest fears if I were in your situation....and you have years of it ahead of you. I know your motive is love though....and love pulls hard and long and doesn't get tired. It keeps giving and giving until it wins. It's a powerful force and you have plenty of it to get you thru this.

How is your hubby and other daughter holding up? I'm sure this is also an emotional roller coaster for them. Luckily, Erika is young and may or may not notice the absence of your daughter. Krystal has GOT to understand though....that one day Erika WILL notice and this will be painful.

I'm reminded or Faybelle's quote.....If it's not one thing - It's a mother.
The HARDEST job in the world!!!!

Hang in there my friend. You can always reach me by PM or phone.
Barbie

Star · 12-31-2004, 09:53 PM

Hubby and I are the primary caregivers to Erika. Krystal cannot take the baby or she will be charged with kidnapping. Anyone else that takes the baby without our consent will be charged with kidnapping. That loser diddler jerk has no rights at all so if he even tries to do anything, he will go to prison for kidnapping also.

The first thing I have to do on Monday is call the children's aid worker to notify her that krystal is gone and doesn't live here anymore. We will probably have to go for full custody of Erika at some point unless Krystal changes soon (and we know that it happening too quickly if ever). I wrote an e-mail to Krystal's lawyer so he's fully aware of what's going on and he will notify the courts and anyone else involved. Erika goes for her first needle on the 10th and I'll be notifying our doctor as well.

I don't think Krystal will try to take the baby. I think she wants to live like she has no child. She was trying to do that when she was pregnant (pretending that she was only fat and not pregnant). I really don't think she'll try and take her. She doesn't have a house key and we are home all the time and with our dog, we'd know if someone was trying to break in. If that happens, the police are called immediately and she'll go to jail. I don't think she'll do that though. I don't think she wants to be a mom at this time so I'm really not worried about it right now.

Krystal's has screwed up major this time! I told my brother and he's totally disgusted in her (her godfather) and agrees that I should close the door to her coming back home. My whole family will be disgusted when they all hear about it and I'm sure they won't have much to do with her until she proves to get her act together while she's on her own. That could be years and years from now.

I'm very sad that I have to do this to krystal but what other choice do i have? if i don't, this is what she'll do always. can't have it! She's a very self-absorbed, selfish, greedy, coniving girl and it's not healthy to have her around Erika right now. Not to mention her brutal temper. It's very peaceful here right now and I do feel bad for even saying that it is, but it is. Doesn't mean that I stopped loving her or missing her because i didn't. i do miss her terribly and i do love her very much. She's my first baby girl. I'll always love and miss her but I don't have to put up with her crap anymore if i don't want to. That hurts us more then missing her does. Hopefully she'll grow up and come to her sences someday. When she does, I'll be there for her, not until then though.

She comes into a LOT of money when she turns 18. What she doesn't know is that she doesn't get it if I don't sign on the dotted line. Guess what? I'm NOT signing! She'll get her money when she matures and grows up. I don't see that happening in the next year and a half so no money for her. I might even be able to take over the trust fund when she's that age and set a new age....like 30!! She should be grown up by then! I hope!

Stone · 12-31-2004, 10:13 PM

I'm sorry to bring this up again star, but are you SURE she is not using drugs? This just doesn't make any sence to me and I myself was similar to her and many many friends of mine constantly ran away.

Myself and myfriends ran away when there was something we couldn't do or get away with (partying of course) and X-Mas eve and New Years eve are pretty big party nights. I think she'll comes back again soon and she'll be sorry but as soon as another party or plans with friends arrive, she will leave again, it's a common behavior I volenteered for a short time at a troubled youth center and this among many other things was a common problem for kids and parents. I could be wrong about this but something is deff fishy. If this guy is a prison type I am 100% sure he is a drug user. It doesn't seem right for a girl who doesn't use, or party to be with this guy.

Has she contacted him? Teens can be VERY VERY creative when it comes to sneaking around. Maby this "nice" boy was linked to the other guy somehow? Is she intouch with any of her other friends? I just don't get it when I had my son I had a hard time leaving him to go to the store when he was that young. Is she breast feeding? Has she been screned for PPD?

Stone · 12-31-2004, 10:18 PM

Oh and about the money thing. Is it due to a lawsuit? or a will? I know the laws in Canada are diffrent than here but I am pretty sure it is all on the same guideline.. Maby you can set up an EIA? If you have any questions reversing trust funds, or life insurance payouts I should be able to help a little, I have TONS of resources and I specialise in Life and Annuities.

Star · 12-31-2004, 10:47 PM

there is no drugs, not yet anyways. this is just a i want to do what i want to do and nobody's going to stop me thing. she's very selfish. the diddler guy probably does drugs but i know she doesn't. she was very closely screened and tested (hair stand test). I used to hang with many people (and still do ) that do drugs and i never did them so it is possible.

The good boy wouldn't know the other one at all. she knew him from grade school in the 1st grade. here. he's 16 too and doesn't know the other one at all.

the money comes from her father's death. we sued the truck driver that killed him on his way to work. his 3 kids and i got money granted to us from the truck driver's insurance company. Krystal gets the most because she's the youngest. she was 11 months old when he died. the trust fund is in the canadian bank.

Merika · 01-01-2005, 01:31 AM

She seems quite enamored over this idiot who got her pregnant in the first place. Now that's he's out of jail......she may go that route for awhile. OH....if only murder was legal.

darkangelism · 01-01-2005, 02:10 AM

wow, that sucks, i think you are doing the right thing. She seems to know what she is doing, yet doesnt care. I wonder what goes on in her head, and im sure you do too.

merika, would murder solve the problem? i think she would not get better if he was taken care of. Otherwise id have offered to do it.

is talking about murdering people a "famly forum" topic? if i didnt have the need to respond i would have stayed away...

Cindy · 01-01-2005, 06:44 PM

Star, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. There is no worse pain than that which a child can inflict on your heart. No matter what they do or say, you will always love them unconditionally, and they count on that, sometimes to the point of taking advantage of it. But like you said, there is a time when enough is enough and you have to do what is best for you and the rest of the family.

There is nothing harder than "tough love." I went through a few bouts of that with my son Jason. Kicking him out of the house was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I thought I would never stop crying and thinking I had made a huge mistake. But, luckily for us, it woke him up and made him do some quick growing up. Later, when he asked to come back home, it was on our terms and he understood that we would not hesitate to kick him out again if he didn't follow our rules. It doesn't work for everyone, but sometimes it is your only option.

I think you have a very good handle on doing what is right with your daughter and your granddaughter. They are very lucky to have you! Sooner or later they will both realize that.