Dating

Stone · 08-21-2005, 08:37 PM

When do you think is a good age to give your children the OK to date??

i think my parents made a HUGE mistake with me, they let me date in Middle School and in HIgh school I was dating JR's & SR"s as a freshmen.. I became premiscious very young ( I don't blame my parents) but I also had opportunitys to have sex young...

If I had my way I would say No dating untill your JR/ SR year but that's unlikley to happen

Star · 08-21-2005, 09:01 PM

I didn't get a chance to allow krystal to start dating as she started running away at 13 so i missed out there.

I let kassandra go out on a few dates to the movies and dances with a boy this year. she's 13. This was in the middle of the shcool year. She hasn't had a little boyfriend since then.

I think it depends on the maturity of the child. If the child isn't mature enough, it'll backfire but if the child is mature enough, it'll be okay.

Samson · 08-21-2005, 10:20 PM

It will be interesting to face this dillema.

This is one of those teachable moments: When can a child really take care of themself? What evidence is there to support the argument that they can "go out on a date" and demonstrate an appropriate level of self control? Isn't it necessary to provide opportunities for them to demonstrate maturity (or lack thereof)?

I think the last question is the clincher: We parents really don't know if they can fly until they step from the nest.

So, in summary, I'm selfish: It is immaterial when my kids are ready. What is important is my own readiness.

Merika · 08-22-2005, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samson

I think the last question is the clincher: We parents really don't know if they can fly until they step from the nest.

Good point. I'm not particularly strict in this area or possibly any other area when it comes to teen socialization. If they are going to be hanging out with friends...then there is no big difference if they call it a 'date' or not.

I would PREFER Chloe to be on a date with one guy....instead of being out with her goofy a$$ed girlfriends walking the streets with thousands of sailors driving by. And if she DID want to date when she was younger and I said no...then she would simply spend the night at a friend's house and do it anyway.

That's why Star can't second guess the situation with Krystal. There is no guarantee that anything would be different if Krystal would've stayed at home all those years. Girls who live at home get pregnant too.

It's tough raising kids. Sometimes all turns out well...sometimes there are snags along the way. I'm not sure that 'the rules' are the determining factor. It's a hit or miss.

Duke · 08-22-2005, 10:23 PM

I'm hoping my daughter never dates or doesn't start dating until she turns 40.

Merika · 08-23-2005, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

I'm hoping my daughter never dates or doesn't start dating until she turns 40.

I bet you are looking at more like 4 years.....better get ready for it Pops!

Duke · 08-23-2005, 01:12 PM

I'm ready but I'm not ready. I already have my "scare the crap outta the boy" speech ready though.

Adonaicole · 08-23-2005, 03:01 PM

Since I'm kind of an older dad, I have the opposite philosophy than this.

Quote:

I'm hoping my daughter never dates or doesn't start dating until she turns 40.

I'm hoping my son elopes at 16 and get's her pregnant right away so I can enjoy my grandchildren.

Star · 08-23-2005, 05:38 PM

what it comes down to is that kids will do whatever they want whether it be with your knowledge or behind your back. You can't really know until you're there.

Merika · 08-23-2005, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adonaicole

I'm hoping my son elopes at 16 and get's her pregnant right away so I can enjoy my grandchildren.

I guess Star is living your dream! LMAO!

Star · 08-23-2005, 09:18 PM

i was thinking the same thing merika only i don't think it's a dream. more of a nightmare. LMAO!!

Merika · 08-23-2005, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Star

what it comes down to is that kids will do whatever they want whether it be with your knowledge or behind your back. You can't really know until you're there.

This is true also. Jackson was telling me that Chloe had a fake ID. I asked him just what was I supposed to do with that information....tie her to a chair and make her eat it? We can say alot of things as to what we would and wouldn't do....but the truth is that when the time comes....teens will do what they want to do whether you think they will or not. (And truthfully as teens...we all pulled a few goodies on our parents without consent also.)

Samson · 08-23-2005, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merika

Quote:

Originally Posted by Star

what it comes down to is that kids will do whatever they want whether it be with your knowledge or behind your back. You can't really know until you're there.

This is true also. Jackson was telling me that Chloe had a fake ID. I asked him just what was I supposed to do with that information....tie her to a chair and make her eat it? We can say alot of things as to what we would and wouldn't do....but the truth is that when the time comes....teens will do what they want to do whether you think they will or not. (And truthfully as teens...we all pulled a few goodies on our parents without consent also.)

OK ladies, not to be critical or nothin'.............BUT;

1. Kids might change their behavior if they know you disapprove of it. Yeah, I know, I'm just spouting some wild and crazy stuff here, but I've run into more than a few kids that have dramatically changed their behavior based on my threat of calling their parents so that they can "communicate with" them.

2. Being ignorant is one thing. But choosing to be ignorant is another: Merika, you know I luv you, but this is what, IMHO, you're doing when you know Chloe has a fake ID, but do not even question why she'd need this. Having a fake ID isn't such a big deal, but if it allows her to get a job as a waitress at the local jiggle-joint (yeah the extreme example), then it is a big deal.

Essentially, ou're setting up any future scenario so that you will be able to claim convenient ignorance.

Honestly,
Samson

Merika · 08-24-2005, 09:21 AM

Good Lord ....if it helped her get a job and earn her own money....I don't care WHERE she works! I imagine it's being used to buy cigarettes or assure some sailor she is of legal age. The bars check too close for her to use it for anything else.

She'll be 16 in about 3 weeks. She's old enough to work and date. In some states, she's old enough to drive and get married. To sit on her like a 9 year old would be silly and a waste of time.

Either everything she's learned up to this point will keep her out of trouble...or it won't. If she skipped school or had poor grades...she would lose priviledges. However, if she choses to walk out of the door anyway....there isn't a thing I can do about it legally but report her as a run away after a week.

She likes living at home, enjoys her life and has career aspirations. BUT...If she wants to screw all that up at this point....it's her own choice. I don't think a parent can live their kid's lives. We can only raise them up feeling loved, secure and assure them their dreams can be met if they are willing to go the long road to get there. After that....the choice is all theirs.

Star · 08-24-2005, 11:19 AM

I agree merika.

I find that people who don't have any teenagers really don't understand what it really is to have them.

We raise our kids the best that we can and we use the tools that we should. we teach them right from wrong but it comes a time when the child will do what he/she wants regardless of what you approve or disapprove of.

Krytal knows of everything that she has done that we don't apporve of. is that stopping her? NO! we can talk to her until we're blue in the face and it makes no difference. in one ear and out the other. You can't control their every move. People who think they can are in lala land. perhaps planning putting them in a cell at home under lock and key would be the only way to do that. we all know how absurd that scenario is.

It's easy to raise little ones. it's not so easy when they become teenag