Dating

[Samson]

Originally Posted by Merika

I'm not walking away...but she's too old for me to push in a stroller or lead her by the hand. If she falls down....I'll be there to pick her up. But I really do believe at some point you have to let them make alot of their own decisions and even mistakes.

You keep comparing her to a 9 year old, or less, and accounting for the maturity gap

I keep comparing her to a 23 year old or more, and accounting for the maturity gap.

Maybe the average of our comparisons would be most accurate?

[Merika]

I don't expect her to act like a 9 year old OR a 23 year old. She'll be 16 in a couple of weeks....and she acts JUST LIKE THAT! Breaking rules and playing with a few odds is part of the territory. If I don't back off and give her some space...... then she'll be a retarded adult with no life experiences.

I even expect her to make a few mistakes.

[Weiser]

My parents were pretty...strict I guess you could say, in that I could never have the car out overnight (even though I owned it) and my curfew was always way earlier than everybody elses. If I broke curfew or stayed out with the car, I got grounded. That all changed once I turned 18. I was an adult and could do what I wanted. I think if my parents weren't like that, I would have made many more bad decisions than I already did. Who knows where I would be now if they let me do what I wanted.

I think if you DO back off, she will be a retarded adult with some shady life experiences.

[Merika]

See....I never figure out how other parents pull that off. If I didn't let her stay out past 10:00 or something....she would simply spend the night at a friend's house and do what she wanted to anyway.

So far....all has been well. I don't consider an occasional skipping school or trying to buy cigarettes as the end of the world. I think that's normal.
SHE doesn't know that I think it's normal though.

Maybe it depends on where your kids grow up. I live in an area where the kids are pretty tough and if you can't learn to take care of yourself....your doomed to die.

[Weiser]

If my parents ever caught me skipping school or smoking when I was younger...yep, grounded for atleast a couple weeks. And my groundings were as followed - No TV, no phone, no going out, just sit at home and be bored out of your skull.

You can't do that?

I was lucky, always lived in the nice neighbourhoods and went to the good schools. Bullying and stuff was basically unheard of. Yeah there was one or two, but they never bothered the cool kids. I just happened to be one of them.

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Weiser

You can't do that?

Oh good Lord NO....then I'd be stuck with her crabby mood for two weeks!

Ok...seriously.... she is involved in lots of school activities which take her out of town (she's a state opera champion!), she sings at the local football games...plus she just got a job. Putting her on restriction wouldn't be do-able.

My point is that I don't think breaking rules here or there means there is something wrong with a teen. I think it's part of growing up. Other than that....she is in all gifted (advanced) classes, has aspirations and goals and is very mature for her age. This summer she went to UK to stay with Meanon, for a month, and managed to handle everything all by herself.

But every now and then...she'll do something goofy...like being caught with a false ID. I didn't consider it that big of a deal.

[Weiser]

I never needed a fake ID...

Well she sounds like she has her head on right. And yeah, teens will do all that. I did, just not as much as everyone else, because I hated getting grounded - Spending quality time with the 'rents is not my idea of fun.

[Merika]

Actually....one of the worst things that happens as a parent ('rents...that's cute!) is when the kids become teens and you aren't their choice of the best person to hang out with. My kids are now gone almost all the time or they have friends here. Either way....no one wants to play board games or watch
tv with me all that much anymore. Sometimes they do....but not like it used to be.