Bonding with Mom from Birth

[Star]

It's no secret to anyone who knows me personally that my mother and I really never had a bond with eachother. That caused us to have a really bad mother/daughter relationship for most of my life to the point where I didn't think she loved me. Sad considering I am her only daughter.

Two weekends ago, the whole family was at my parent's trailor because it was their 45th wedding anniversary. Of course, having the whole family together is the best gift my parents can have since they absolutely love being with all of us, despite our faults.

I was in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast when my mother and I started to talk about when I was born. She told me that when I was born, I was so sick that she couldn't bring me home for over a month and they (hospital staff) wouldn't let her take care of me because she wasn't all that well herself. This went on even after I came home. My mother was ordered bedrest for a couple months after that; she couldn't even attend my baptismal ceremony.

Throughout all of this, I had bonded with others instead of my mother. My mother said she cried everyday because she wanted to be the one to take care of me and missed me so much.

She said that when she was back to being well again, she spoiled me, took me everywhere with her and held me close to her all the time. She had bonded with me but I didn't with her.

I told my mother that all my life I thought she loved my brothers more then me; that I didn't feel a whole lot of love from her. She started to cry. Something clicked at that point in my head. I never bonded with my mother from the get go!!! I told my mother that I now understood why I felt that way and it wasn't anything she did wrong, or I for that matter. We talked about the importance of bonding from birth and how that affected me all of my life. We hugged, she assured me that she did love me and how could she not and that chapter was closed. I found the root of the problem and am very happy that I did. Now my mother and I can only go forward from here as mother and daughter.

It is extremely important to bond with your child from the minute that child is born. Otherwise, the child will feel unloved to some degree and not know why.

[TKDLady]

I never considered that.

[Fayebelle]

Originally Posted by Star

It is extremely important to bond with your child from the minute that child is born. Otherwise, the child will feel unloved to some degree and not know why.

It is equally important for the parent to feel empowered and capable in their roles too!





This link shows how dangerous a lack of bonding can be for children. It is a severe development (usually from a lack of attachment a bit later in infancy) but can show just how important bonding is. Some of the links within the info show other useful information on bonding

Reactive attachment disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[PepsiChic]

wow thats so incredibly sad star, but in true fairytale style, you found your happy ending and im so pleased for you.

sometimes understanding is the best gift a person can have.

not being a parent yet its never really crossed my mind about the importance of bonding with a child straight after birth, but it is certainly something i think more people should be aware of!

[Meanon]

Hi Star Bonding at birth is extremely important for the mother as your story shows. For the baby, bonding with someone who cares for them is important and it's easier with the mother, but babies are designed to bond easily with whoever cares for them.

What surprises me about your post is the comment that you never bonded with her. Babies do usually bond, if the care giver persists. I wonder whether after all that missing and crying and worry about you becoming attached to others, your mum feared you would not bond with her. This would be a natural fear in those circumstances and may mean that she didn't persist when she did finally get to hold you. Maybe she gave up and felt rejected and that this was there between you as you grew up, making her hesitant to express the love for you that she so clearly felt. I'm so glad she found a way of reaching you now, Star.