Beat up by a four year old

Stone · 01-22-2005, 06:08 PM

This has been the day from Hell, Noah has been rotten since the minute he woke up, this morning he spit at me and hit me a few times so this time I put soap in his mouth and stood him in the corner, he kicked the walls so hard he put a hole in one. he fussed for an hour and calmed down.

This evening he kicked the walls again so I spanked his butt and put him in his room he thre all his stuff around the room screaming so I took a garbage bag and collected all of his things, everytime I turned around he hit me or threw somthing at me, he proceded to kick the walls so I heald him down so he couldn't he kicked my stomach several times, bit me in the face and put his hands around my neck like he wanted to choke me. this went on for about 1 hour. If I could have ducked tape his legs togeather for kicking the walls I would have but I would go to jail.

I almost called 9-11 and told them to get me away from my son before I friggin killed him myself. It's getting really bad, I've tried parenting classes, medication, extra special attention, Noah time, you name it we've done it and nothing is working... I can't imagine my life if he is this way at 8-10 or 15 he'll kill me!! and get us kicked out of every place we live. ( I think we are comming pretty close here).

I truley don't know what to do anymore. I don't know why he hates me so much, or why he only acts this way twards me, but I have run out of solutions. I am supposed to be keeping my blood pressure down and that is nearly impossible.

Samson · 01-22-2005, 06:14 PM

Good lord SH, you do have your hands full.

I'm not an expert in these matters, but I'm certain of a couple of things:

1. If not already, then you gotta be trained to restrain this kind of behavior WITHOUT hurting the child, and without him hurting you. I've received this training through the school system.

2. With all the social services available, you ought to be able to get some help. I'd call the school (or the central office) and ask them to point you in the right direction.

Stone · 01-22-2005, 06:20 PM

Hummm.. you think as strait jacket is legal HAHA ( kidding)

Samson · 01-22-2005, 06:32 PM

If it was, then I'm right......the freakin' school may have an extra one, but I doubt it.

Star · 01-22-2005, 09:55 PM

wow SH, you have a child that's totally out of control and he's only 4! 8O

If this were my child, Knowing what i know now (and learned from my past mistakes), I would remove abosulutely everything out of his room and leave nothing but the bed and dresser there. no toys whatsoever. All priviledges would be taken away as well and he would have to earn every single little item and priviledge back with good behaviour. This would take a lot of time so by the time he earns his things back, he'd be in a new frame of mind and somewhat controllable. (I watch Dr. Phil every day and this is what he suggests for kids like this)

You can't have him kicking your stomach, especially now that you're pregnant and the spitting and kicking you thing has to go. It's all so disrespectful. A temper tantrum once in awhile is normal but this is just unacceptable behaviour and you're right, the older he gets, the worst it will get if he isn't stopped now.

Somewhere along the road, he forgot who is in charge. He thinks he runs the roost right now. not a good thing. Spanking him won't do any good. It'll make him angrier then he already is and that will make his behaviour even worse, harder to handle then it is now.

Meanon · 01-23-2005, 05:57 PM

Heather I'm sorry to hear it's still going so badly with Noah. Often a child will be worse before they respond to a new system of discipline.

Above all else, Noah is doing what he is to get your undivided attention, even if you are angry with him. If he get's it, for him it's a reward. He will stop when he finds that only good behaviour gets him attention. The other things (removal/reward of toys etc) will help but you are more important to him than them.

I'll see if I can find any links with ideas that may help. An hour is a long time, maybe the punishments for his age need to be more frequent but shorter. 5-10 mins of time out is more usual but exclude him from your presence completely.

With Noah's special needs, you should be bale to get someone to come to the house to help you get on top of the problem, do ask social services.

Don't give up! I've seen kids as badly behaved as this completely turn around their behaviour. You'll find the way.

Meanon · 01-23-2005, 06:14 PM

Links about some of the stuff we dicussed:

http://www.practicalparent.org.uk/timeout.htm

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/paren.../time_out.html

Stone · 01-23-2005, 06:44 PM

Thanks so much meanon, I love those links and will bookmark them.

I am also going to look to see if I can find a child behaviorial theripist that knows sign language. The doctors always admit that he need threapy due to his disibility to learn about his "diffrences" and "why" he is diffrent now and not before ( 1 1/2 years ago before his stroke he was a normal kid) but unfortunatly there are no theripist or psycologist in my area at all that know sign language. I have been to the doctors several times in the past 3 months and all they want to do is put him on meds. Depacote or Lamictil I will always refuse Lithium witch one doctor recommended but I am for some reason afraid of Lithium especially at such a young age. .. but now I may now look in to the other meds a little further.

Meanon as a professional what do you think about putting children especially as young as Noah on psych meds? he is on meds for seziures

twinkle · 01-23-2005, 07:15 PM

Sorry to hear that, Heather. I think he's very very afraid to become the second as far as attention goes.

I told my parents when I was three straight away that I didn't want a sister or a brother. I wasn't trashing the place or anything, but it's hard. I was very selfish also. So maybe that's what he's reacting to. Seeing that he's not the center of your world. HE's a dominant little man, that's for sure.

SH, maybe the stroke had other side effects you don't know yet. You shoud have an Xray of his brain... I think that's what they're called. Shows if there is any umbalance, changes, etc. The lobes, the distances, the blood circulation...

Whether physical or behavioral, before you put your kid on drugs, know what causes this. The pills, whatever they do, they only soften the effects. They don't treat the cause. They don't cure him. And you won't understand him either.

I mean, see a psychologist also, but check for a physical condition too. IT seems way out of control to be fixed by you alone. Get help. Soon.

Love,

Twinkle

Stone · 01-23-2005, 07:21 PM

He has 8 cysts on his brain

according to his last C- scan 3 months ago.

Star · 01-23-2005, 08:17 PM

stoneheather, i didn't know that your son had so many health issues. He's on meds for seizures? Have you had him tested to see if he's autistic? autism is often associated with seizures.

my niece had seizures since she was a baby. she's now 4 years old and last year, they found out she was autistic because of her behaviour. If he is autistic, this could explain a lot of his behaviour. If that's the case, then he would be able to go to autism therapy. My niece goes everyday and has worked wonders on her behaviour and progress. Autism comes in different forms where beviour is concerned. I would maybe ask your doctor to have him tested for it before putting him on meds. Wouldn't hurt.

Do they ever plan on removing the cysts on his brain in the future? Are the seizure meds working to control the seizures?

Stone · 01-23-2005, 10:36 PM

Autisim usually is a birth defect, Noah was fine untill he was 2 years old, his appendix ruptured ( while waiting in the ER) and the paritinitus seeded thru the gut up to his heart then attacked his brain giving him a stroke in the front temporal lobe of his brain he was in a comma for 10 days I actually made funeral arangements for my own son

He is my miricle boy. So I spoiled the crap out of him. and some of his behavior problems are because I have always treated him so fragile. He is recovered now except for the speach delay. He is no longer in a wheel chair and actually running around like nothing ever happened. He got his hearing back and his comprehension. He has always been my little fighter , poor baby fought for his life. Now he's fighting me. :?

twinkle · 01-24-2005, 07:16 AM

Heather, see a doc PRONTO! This is not only a behavioral issue. You don't know if he's suffering from a chemical imbalance causing him to feel this rage, you don't know if the chists provoked huge transformations in his little brain... I know it's horrible, but maybe it's not his fault.

I have never in my life heard of 4 years olds kicking the pregnant mother. Afterwards, when the baby is born, and they see that they cannot and are not the center of their mother's life, yeah. But before....??? this has little to do with your being pregnant. He is mad, and I don't see the reason...

No 4 year old can do those things... fight you like that unless something else caused it...

He may seem fine, his hearing his senses... but inside... he's not well, Heather. Even if indeed you have spoiled the crap out of him

Merika · 01-24-2005, 09:23 AM

I would imagine he is extremely frustrated with his handicaps and doesn't know how to deal with them. He may also subconsciously be afraid a new baby will replace him.

I think he should definatly see a therapist as soon as possible. Most of the time children lash out at the person they love the most...because it's safe. He knows you aren't going to quit loving him regardless....so you become the target. It's displaced rage he's feeling.....it doesn't mean it's directed at you personally.....he just doesn't know what to do with it. Does he pull these same sorts of stunts with the Grandparents?

The little fellow needs some outside help. Taking care of this BEFORE the baby is born and introduced into his life is essential. I would put it on top of the priority list.

Stone · 01-24-2005, 09:56 AM

He SEEMs to be extreamly excited he is going to be a BIG brother and likes the fact that he is big boy.. but you guys are right he may feel jellous.

I may have to go up to St. Augistine to see a theripist that knows sign language. That's about 6 1/2 hours away from me.. It's ashame more behavioral theripist don't know sign language in my area.