Andrew - Page 3

Scott · 04-05-2007, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinkle

Hope things go well at home as well.

I find myself not really wanting to know how things are going on at home. I spend two or three nights away every week. I had been calling once a day (3-4 times while he was hospitalized). Now I just don't want to call. Nor do I receive any calls from home. my wife and I really are tired of talking about "it." I sense she is angery, with me or with Andrew, or with us both.

twinkle · 04-06-2007, 05:01 AM

Not talking about "it" won't make the problems go away. But maybe you are right to wait, she must be ready to have this type of talk - I mean not just talk, but actually try to overcome this situation, work your way through it...

I may be repeating myself, don't give up on your family...

Star · 04-06-2007, 01:19 PM

i understand how "talking about it" gets tiring. it's on all your minds 24/7 and there comes a point where it seems that's all you have in common is what's going on and that topic. gets tiring. taking a break is healthy for everyone IMO. helps to clear the mind and maybe a new idia will pop up while taking a break from the topic.

being a mother to a troubled teen, i know the pain you and your wife are going through. the hearbreak and disapointment is undescribable. but, as long as you two work as a team, make team decisions and work together on everything to do with your son, things should improve. but, nothing will improve overnight. it would be nice to have a quick fix to this but unfortunately, there is none (believe me! i've searched for the quick fixes). time is it so work with time and stay strong and possitive.

Luba · 04-08-2007, 10:01 AM

Always hoping for the best for your family, Scott! I'm a firm believer in HOPE and I always refuse to lose hope about anything!

Meanon · 04-08-2007, 10:18 AM

That sounds really positive Scott. When achieving anything difficult that can be overwhelming, I find the "one day at a time" approach works best. Focus on the small goals and successes and they will give you the heart for the longer term.

With things like this, I'd always assumed that it would bring couples closer together. Often the opposite is true. A big change as traumatic as this is like a loss and grief is a process that people need to go through at their own pace. I would think she's angry at pretty much everything right now. It's better than being flattened by it though, it's part of fighting back. She'll come through it. Whether she expresses it or not, she still needs you.

It won't always be like this Scott. There will be time for you to deal with all that later, those blank pages in your album will be filled in time. For now it's a matter of one thing at a time, one day at a time.

Scott · 04-08-2007, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luba

Always hoping for the best for your family, Scott! I'm a firm believer in HOPE and I always refuse to lose hope about anything!

Thank you. Thank you to all This Easter Sunday.

You've all been a great comfort during these past weeks. This situation is not one that I casually share, but also one that I'm reluctant to discuss with anyone. Having the annonymity here gives me the freedom to say what is on my mind and in my heart without hesitation.

I haven't lost hope: I've just sort of changed it. For example, signing Andrew up for Karate, I hope he really likes it, but he does it for just a month, then that's great too. I hope he likes fishing, but if he doesn't, that's OK, I'll still go. I hope he'll do well in school, and stay out of trouble, but if he doesn't then I'll have done everything I can do as a father to prevent it.

There is an interesting parable of two farmers that pray for rain. Afterwards, one farmer prepares his fields to be soaked. Which one really believes his prayers will be answered? I want to be the farmer that prepares his field; the father that prepares his son.

Meanon · 04-08-2007, 10:41 AM

He's lucky to have you as a father Scott. It's the greatest gift a parent can give a child: belief in them, love that is unconditioned by our expectations of what we want for them.

Luba · 04-08-2007, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meanon

He's lucky to have you as a father Scott. It's the greatest gift a parent can give a child: belief in them, love that is unconditioned by our expectations of what we want for them.

Does he have loving grandparents around? Just curious....

Loving grandparents can provide a LOT of wisdom; trust me, I know!

Scott · 04-08-2007, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meanon

He's lucky to have you as a father Scott. It's the greatest gift a parent can give a child: belief in them, love that is unconditioned by our expectations of what we want for them.

Well, my beliefs have changed: I just want him to Remain SANE enough to live with for the next 5-6 years!!!! 8O

Scott · 04-08-2007, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luba

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meanon

He's lucky to have you as a father Scott. It's the greatest gift a parent can give a child: belief in them, love that is unconditioned by our expectations of what we want for them.

Does he have loving grandparents around? Just curious....

Loving grandparents can provide a LOT of wisdom; trust me, I know!

I know what you mean: No. Wife's parents in Florida, and I haven't told any of this to my parents in Texas. I'd like to Adopt Star!!

Meanon · 04-08-2007, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Well, my beliefs have changed: I just want him to Remain SANE enough to live with for the next 5-6 years!!!!

Sounds reasonable to me!

Scott · 04-08-2007, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meanon

Quote:

Well, my beliefs have changed: I just want him to Remain SANE enough to live with for the next 5-6 years!!!!

Sounds reasonable to me!

Its nice that SOMEONE believes I'm reasonable!!!

Star · 04-08-2007, 11:09 AM

I've seen a change in you scott since your first post. you seemed to be lost at first but now, you have a lot of hope, acceptance and faith in your son and your abilities as a father. i love what i see and i know your son notices it also. thinking positive helps and from what i can see, you're doing awesome as a parent. andrew is very lucky to have a father like you. one day, he will tell you that.

I wish my husband was more like you. he's so lost in his dispair over our daughter that he's afraid to open himself up to her in fear that he'll be hurt by her again. he's getting there but they're baby steps. he doesn't understand how i can be so forgiving with everything that our daughter does but i know one day he will. how can i not be? she's my daughter, my first born and i will always love her unconditionally, no matter what she does.

one day at a time is a great thing to follow for many of life's hurdles. as long as there is love, faith and hope, there will be resolution and the outcome will be as it should be. that's what i believe. took me a little while to see life that way but i finally did and it works for me.

keep up the great work scott. you know you always have a venting place here with us.

Scott · 04-09-2007, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Star

I wish my husband was more like you. he's so lost in his dispair over our daughter that he's afraid to open himself up to her in fear that he'll be hurt by her again.

I know how he feels and why he might feels this way.

....I walk the line, often giving into this feeling, but occasionally conquering it. Its a strange feeling of...... resignation, more than dispair...I suppose rather than feeling dispair, its easier not to feel anything.

I felt that way tonight. Andrew seemed exausted from his day at school, and I just asked if he was too tired to go to Karate. He said he was. I wasn't upset, happy, or anything: I was apathetic. I really don't care if he wants to invove himself with anything I suggest....in fact I feel my concern for his living life to its fullest fading.