Advice on letter to Noah's DAD

[Stone]

I am trying to get Noah's father to let me change his name ( legally I can't do it without his consent) Noah also asked why Daddy J doesn't love him here is a letter I wrote pleading what do you think?



Jeremy,

Today your son asked me why you don’t love him and I was speechless and had no clue how to respond, Sometimes I forget how much he knows at such a young age, it seems that you have forgotten but he Turned 5 years old on May 29th and we didn’t hear anything from you or his grandparents again for the 3rd year in a row. For some reason he already feels abandoned by you and I knew this day would come sooner or later but you are in and out of his life so much that as soon as we give you another chance you blow it and be a half assed parent. I will never again let you or your family jump in and out of Noah’s life and disregard his feelings when you are not involved. This causes great pain for children and it is my job to protect him as much as possible, I have had the same phone number for 3 years and I rarely get calls from you in regard to Noah, I have made myself available to work with you on visitation and you don't take them.

Your chances are over, and I will no longer let you hurt Noah, even if it is by pure ignorance on your behalf. You have no excuses and either do your parents. What kind of Parent or Grandparent forgets their own family? My son may hurt over the next few years but the ones that have missed out on such a loving child is you and he is better off without you. Noah now has to suffer and live with a last name to a family that he doesn’t belong to, a family that forgets him, a family that neglects him, a father that he doesn’t know, a father that can’t control his addictions, and a father that is inconsistent in his life. Children are supposed to be proud of who they are and proud of there name, do you think Noah will grow up Proud to have the Harris last name? Do you think he will want to carry the Harris name on to his children? Chances are no, if you had one ounce of decency in your soul you would do what is right for this little boy and let him have the Stone name. He has a sense of belonging to the Stone family, he is the middle of our entire world and he should be an equal to his siblings and have the same last name as his family. You and the Harris’s have proven time and time again that you are not his family. One selfless act on your behalf could really make a little boy’s future just a little bit easier. Noah is a Stone, not a Harris why can’t he legally get his family name.


Sincerely


Heather

[darkangelism]

thats so sad that noah said that. Anyway, that letter sounds fine. I read it for both content and grammer,lol.

[Star]

that's a very good letter stone. I wouldn't change a thing about it.

I'm wondering if it works the same in the states as it does here where last names are concerned. Krystal didn't get the normandeau last name legally until gerry adopted her when she was 7 but, she used his last name at school even though it wasn't a legal last name. The only place where she ever heard her legal last name was when she went to the doctors or something like that. Could you use the name Stone with him at school even if it isn't his legal name? Can you do that in the states?

[Merika]

Stone....I think it's a great letter. I'm not sure how easy it will be do to if he comes against it though....and he may very well do so. If he does...you could file to change Noah's name to a hyphen (Stone-Harris) and then slowly drop the Harris part. That would probably work without many problems.

[Fayebelle]

does he have to AGREE to the name change or simply not contest it?

[Stone]

He has to sign off on it, he is such an arse he probably won't do it :?

[Merika]

I'll just throw this out there as an odd thought....but he IS a boy and Biblically....they carry the family name. Even if his dad isn't a part of his life...I don't know if that would count. Then again....kids are adopted...so maybe it's a dumb thought.

[Stone]

I'd rather give the respect to Greg's faimly for Noah to carry there name, They have adopeted him as there grandson and Greg is Noah's dad just not Biologically

[Star]

Originally Posted by Stone

I'd rather give the respect to Greg's faimly for Noah to carry there name, They have adopeted him as there grandson and Greg is Noah's dad just not Biologically

I totally understand where you're coming from. I felt the same way where krystal's biological family was concerned. The only difference with my situation back then was that her biological father was dead.

[Duke]

I wouldn't sign that letter if it were sent to me. All it would do is put me on the defensive and if I were as ignorant as Noah's dad seems to be, I'd let you stew over this letter for a while.

The entire letter is extemely confrontational and will only serve to make a bad situation even worse. I think this is a very important topic and would hate to see you and Noah suffer more than you already have.

If you don't mind, I'll take a stab at softening it up some and post it here for your review. I'll see if I can get to it when I get home from work tonite. You don't have to use it but I'd suggest you do try to soften up your letter because it's asking for trouble IMHO.

[Duke]

This is what I came up with. I believe it's far less emotional, confrontational and much less insulting in nature. I understand that Noah's father may be the biggest loser on earth, but writing a letter telling him to go to hell and giving him directions won't make him very helpful in this matter.


Jeremy,

Our son posed a very interesting question to me the other day wondering why dad doesn’t love him. It is understandable as he recently turned 5 years old and hadn’t received so much as a phone call from dad or his grandparents. I’m sure you must understand that this is difficult for anyone to comprehend, especially a child. Sadly, this is the third year in a row that this has happened which may be the reason for him feeling unwanted in your, and your families life.

I’ve had the same phone number PHONE NUMBER HERE for over 3 years now and it’s extremely rare that I receive any phone calls from you in regards to our son Noah. I have made myself available to you when it comes to visitation with Noah but it seems you either have no time or interest in seeing your son.

As you can imagine, this is taking its toll on Noah and it really must come to an end. A young child needs both parents and if one parent is continually unavailable then the child starts to wonder why. Sadly, most children come to the conclusion that it’s somehow their fault, which is completely unfair. I’m not sure what’s keeping you too busy to be a part of your child’s life but it’s not really my concern. I’m concerned about Noah’s well being which is why I’m writing to you.

It’s quite clear that the Harris family has abandoned our son. For this reason I believe he should carry the Stone family name. We take care of Noah and give him the sense of family, warmth and security that all children deserve. It may also help to make Noah feel a little more secure to carry the same Surname as the rest of the family around him. I should hope you agree that it is in our best interests to allow our child to feel included as a member in the family that is his main source for nurturing and growth.

Sincerely,


Heather.


I'm not saying to use it, but I'd definately recommend toning down your letter. The best advice I've ever received in writing was a Business Writing for Results course I took a few years back. Essentially, write what you think and walk away for 24 hours, then edit what you wrote. Chances are you'll completely re-write your letter and see where all the glaring errors are.

Good luck with whatever you decide SH.

Sincerely,

Ken

[Stone]

I thik I'll use that letter Thanks so much for taking the time to do that for me!!!

[Duke]

No problem at all SH, good luck.