Adoption - Second thoughts

Star · 11-07-2004, 04:23 PM

I have been crying every day while my daughter's been in the hospital. I can't go through with the adoption.

I went to Zellers yesterday to buy Krystal and the baby a gift and I broke down in tears in the diaper section. I called my husband this afternoon and talked to him about how I was feeling. Turns out he's been having some second thoughts also. We both decided to bring the baby home with Krystal.

I feel such a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I really couldn't see myself leaving the hospital with Krystal and leaving the baby behind. It's not in me to do this kind of thing.

We had an appointment with the adoption lady this afternoon at 3 and I told her that we changed our minds. We're keeping the baby. She was very happy for us as are my family members and everyone at the hospital. They all know that I was having a hard time with it and were all hoping I'd change my mind.

I was trying to convince myself that adoption was the right decision. It's not the right decision for me.

I will show Krystal how to be a good mommy and get her into parenting classes, councelling and school. We have a very close knit family on both sides so we have plenty of support.

Krystal is being induced tonight at around 7:30 pm. I will be with her the whole time until the baby is born and I get to hold him/her (we all think it's going to be a boy!

) and spend a little time.

I'll let you all know if I have a grandson or grand daughter. I'm going to be a grandma!!

Duke · 11-07-2004, 04:28 PM

Wow star, congradulations. I can't imagine being in your shoes and having to make the choices you've faced over the past while. I think you've done very well considering circumstances.

That said, I did understand the adoption idea but couldn't imagine having to do it myself either. Taking the baby home is likely the right decision but I do believe it's imprerative that your daughter plays the roll of mom (whether she likes it or not). If you think your hurting right now, imagine how sad you'll feel when the child asks why you love her more than mommy does.

BTW, with all of this other drama, I've totally forgotten to congradulate you on the upcoming addition to your family. I think you'll make a terrific, loving, warm gradmother and I wish you and your family all the best.

Sincerely,

ken

Duke · 11-07-2004, 05:37 PM

BTW, I've added a news article to the main page that offers some information for grandparents raising granchildren. I've also created a topic for it here.

Stone · 11-07-2004, 06:34 PM

Well congradulations on the new addition to your faimly, If I we're in your shoes I would probably do the same thing especially getting closer to the moment

I hope your daughter turns out o.k. I am sure she will parenthood changes your life and I wish the best for you and your faimly, I will pray for you guys to have a happy healthy baby. Congrats and I know you will be an awasome grandma :wink:

Even though I have cusody of my son my parents help a HUGE deal in raising him, he spends just as much time there as he does with me and he is a verry lucky and extreamly loved child as this one shall be aswell,

Star · 11-07-2004, 08:52 PM

Thank you everyone! I am so happy now! Krystal is too. The adoption lady this afternoon was thrilled when i told her. She knew i was having a real hard time with this.

I will remain gramma and krystal will be mommy. She will get up in the night with me and do everything with me so she can learn. Parenting classes is a given and so is councelling and support groups. She's aware of all that's expected of her and she's ok with it. One of her old councelors is looking into resources for her in my area. We have a great support system going now so it should be just fine.

Kassandra is so thrilled and happy about the new decision. she can hardly wait to be part of this baby's life and help. my parents are awesome and are there for everything we need for this baby also. My brother's youngest daughter is 2 so he's going to give us the baby things he doesn'tneed anymore. I knew my family would help out. they were always there for me, even when i was a no-minded runnaway teen.

They're the best!!! and they are really happy to be young great-granparents also. we already love this baby to death and he/she isn't even born yet!

I only want what's best for this baby, nothing less then that. That's what we all want.

Duke · 11-07-2004, 09:17 PM

You should get your daughter to sign up here ;-)

Merika · 11-08-2004, 02:01 PM

I TOLD you that I though you and your daughter were going to feel differently after the baby was born and you didn't even make it into labor!

You got a tough path a head of you my friend....but love always prevails.

You'll have to post a pic on your website so we can all see what the little fellow looks like and what his name is.

I'm VERY happy for you and your family!!!

Star · 11-08-2004, 02:50 PM

Oh Merika you were so right! Did I mention I broke down when i was shopping in the diaper section? OMG! I almost made my dad cry! I got home, called hubby and talked to him. It's just not in me to do that. It's not the right thing to do for our family.

I'll let you know as soon as i know what little addition we have to our family. I really think it's a boy.

Duke · 11-08-2004, 06:14 PM

any reason you think it's a boy?

Merika · 11-08-2004, 10:39 PM

Star always referred to the baby as her grandson....so I assumed they had a test done to know for sure. I guess I was wrong!

Star will be all excited and full of love regardless.....

Duke · 11-08-2004, 10:41 PM

Well I know theres signs that the mother gives off when it's a boy such as carrying lower (or higher, can't remember), more extreme mood swings due to difference in hormones, etc.

Of course, the symptoms aren't 100% accurate because my ex was convinced our baby was a boy. I think she was a little off the mark on that one.