Your Marriage/Partnership Becoming Better

[Luba]

One of the threads on Lifers made me think of this question....when did your Marriage/Partnership become better? If it's not good right now, what can you do to make it better?

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Brief history on mine. I was a Mama's girl; I was spoiled because I was a sickly child. My parents were very poor and unhappy but they loved me, and I'm SO grateful for that! I was guarded against anything that could possibly hurt me physically since I was told I just about died as a baby.

Anyway, I took to still being a Mama's girl right into my marriage; my husband and I married young. I wanted everything to be MY way! We both drank coming out of alcoholic families. I was also a HUGE people pleaser which is totally different from being kind and also knowing when to say "NO"! I was extremely selfish! My husband was a very aloof man as he was left to fend for himself at age nine, looking after his alcoholic father when his Mother left. My husband never totally got over his aloofness except with me.

I think I really grew up around the age of forty; what a waste of precious years before then. Better late than never, the positive side of me states. I know when not to take things personally when my husband is having a difficult day, I just back off and give him space. I know when to stop talking when he needs silence and he reciprocates. I try to put myself in his shoes and his unhappiness at work. I gave up being needy and a Mama's girl and am my own woman. I give myself compassion, gentleness and caring that I need and, therefore, can give it to others. I am happy because I don't believe it is my husband's job to make me happy. We are happy together because we are not only a team, but we're individuals, too. We don't call each other names if a difference of opinion arises. My husband has this unique way he developed to deal with negative things with humor, which is just Wonderful! We have many different interests and that's okay. He prefers to stay home and sometimes I go out with the girls, it's all good!

What works for you and what magic have you discovered in your partnership/marriage?