When is enough, enough?

[Duke]

As some of you may know, I met a lady online a few years back. I was not looking to meet anyone as I had my own demons that I was dealing with. Well, we talked daily and started growing closer toward each other, mentally of course. For me it was the first time that I ever knew as much as I do about another person because I've always started off phsical and never much cared about the mental. This was the first time for me to actually get to know my partner and I thought it was great, the key word being thought.

She was slated to fly down on the 23rd but couldn't due to a close cousin being hospitalized in a diabetes related coma. Of course it was in her best interests to stay there until everything was settled. The problem is, the morning of the 23rd was also the last time I've heard from her even though she promised me she'd call the night of the 23rd. I understand that things get in the way sometimes but here we are, 3 1/2 full days later and not a word. I've been sitting in my apartment the whole time waiting to hear something which means no Christmas Eve at my brothers and a Christmas Day full of wondering and worry.

I personally can't believe that a person who cares would allow this sort of thing to happen so I'm considering telling her to go to hell when and if she ever calls and giving her instructions how to get there. I don't feel I'm overreacting either as we've been in similar situations before, the last one I actually called the whole thing off. It made her miserable (or so I was led to believe) and I was assured that I would never be left in the dark again. Here we are and I'm so PO'd that I'm actually shaking as I write this message.

Sorry for the rant, but I hate feeling like this.

[Samson]

Do you have her phone number?

[Duke]

Not any more as she was to be moving here so contacting her is impossible.

[Samson]

Anyone else you can call: You've a right to be concerned?

Perhaps the sick cousin's family?

[Duke]

I have no numbers for her, her family, brother, sister, no e-mail, etc. In other words there's no way for me to actually find out what's going on or I would have already.

[Star]

do you think the cousin got sicker maybe? If so, that would explain why she hasn't called you in the last 3 days. Perhaps the family is extremely worried and they're spending their days and nights at the hospital? I don't know, just a thought.

I really do hope that you hear from her really soon duke. It might not be a good idea to flip oout on her right away until you hear what she's got to say as to why she hasn't been in touch with you. She just might have a ligitimate explanation. You'll know if she's telling the truth or not by her reason(s). If you feel she's being dishonest, then by all means flip out, I would too!!

I understand how you can be upset. You were looking forward to this reunion. I hope things work out for you duke.

[Stone]

O.K let me get this strait, YOu don't have any way to contact her, she ws supposed to visit you for christmas but bailed ( excuse or not she should have called), she hasn't called you to tell you what's going on and she is expecting you to wait around for her call/ contact/ im whatever....

This doesn't sound fair and you have every single reason to be pissed off. I have never meet anyone online so I woulnd't have any clue on what to expect, but Duke I know you are alot like me and I tend to believe everyone untill proven wrong, Well I think this is your proof. She atleast didn't have the common curtosy to call you so you do not need anyone in your life that won't give you that type of respect. So the awanser to your question When is Enough Enough I would say now.. before you get burned.

You are such a nice, funny, sweet guy, and a absolutely wonderful father. You do have one little woman in your life that thinks you are the best man on earth and you should embrace that ( as I know you already do). Why don't you try to meet ladies in your area?

[Duke]

Thanks star, I won't be flipping out, at least not right away. I always try to understand where the other persons coming from before I say what I have to say. I've also considered the family going through virtually every scenario possible but still can't find a legitimate reason to not pick up a phone for one minute and actually let me know what the hells going on.

[Star]

sometimes when things like a family crisis hits, it's so overwhelming that it does occupy the mind to the point that you don't do what you should do. I've done it myself in the past to my husband because of my relative's crisis (i was out of town). It does happen.

one more thing i need to say though is that you shouldn't of cancelled your christmas plans to wait for a phone call. You should've went to your brother's place and had a wonderful time for christmas instead of sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. I wouldn't of cancelled those plans but that's me.

I've never met a potential partner online so I don't have any idea of how that feels but I do know that honesty is important to you from what i know about you from this forum. Hopefully she'll have a good honest explanation and the plans can get on their way of becoming a reality for you, the both of you. If for some reason she finds another reason not to have this reunion soon then i would deffinately question her honesty and motives for "leading you on". I hope this all works out for you duke, I really and truly do. You deserve to be happy. you're an awesome guy and any girl would be lucky to have you as their partner.

[Merika]

I sent you a PM Duke....not to take away from the thread....but due to some other factors.....

I understand the hands shaking thing....it makes me want to cry for you in remembering how that feels. Christmas two years ago after a two year relationship.....but we had met.....and now he was going to war.....and I find out his wife, living in a different part of the country, was not AWARE they were in divorce procedures. I felt like I was going to die.

Internet/ LDR's have their place and can work out wonderfully. It is also relationships where people can play and hide a myriad of truths. You can know them SO WELL.....but it's that one portion of their life you aren't aware of which can throw a clog in the wheel.

To make it worse, due to distance, there is no way to demand closure or explanation. It's as though one day everything is wonderful....and the next day....it feels like the person you knew all this time died. They disappear. You feel stupid and vulnerable and hurt.......

It's always possible there is an explanation. But as your post suggested...when is enough, enough? Only you can make that call. It's the most painful call you'll ever have to make. I wish I could take it all from you my dear friend.....but life just isn't that kind.

Wecome to the world of bitterness. It'll pass though....and you'll either get this thing patched up or you'll move on. Either way...it won't ever be the same.

I have NO IDEA how one person can hurt someone they love like that. You know they haven't been involved with you for years without having deep feelings....they had to mean SOMETHING they said. But you begin to wonder.....and the wondering drives you nuts.....and makes your hands shake.

[Duke]

I can't imagine an explanation that's reasonable enough to cover the past several days but I won't be ruling it out. It'll be interesting to see if she ever calls me again but I'm not holding my breath at this point. I can tell you the bitterness I'm feeling is growing more and more ugly with each passing minute though.

[Cindy]

I just want you to know how sorry I am, Duke. Relationships like that can be rough, especially when one person is afraid, which seems to be the case, in my opinion. Time will tell.

You're a great guy; you don't deserve this. And for that reason you will find something much better!

[Samson]

there's no way for me to actually find out what's going

I'm astonished..................unless this is by mutual design, and has been part of the construct of the relationship from the begining as sort of a "safety valve," allowing an eazy escape? Since she can contact you, and not vise versa, it is a one way mechanism, and as surprised as I am, surely you new how this might work.

Anyway, it could be that she's just been preoccupied to the extent she's completely forgotten any commitment she made to see you, but I find this just a little far fetched, unless it is she herself that is in a coma!

Sorry Duke.

Lesson learned (maybe I'll need to file it away):

Next time WE visit THEM first.

[Merika]

It truly sux when you feel you are in the middle of a really bad B movie....and know there is no way you can turn it off. The first couple of weeks are the worst....then the numbness evolves into something you can figure out how to deal with.

I'm sorry ANYONE has to go thru it....and feel even worse that it's you Duke.