What IS it?

twinkle · 05-17-2005, 05:49 AM

So I was thinking about love, about sex and about being happy when having both. Well, not necessarily. You can have sex and be unhappy. You can have love and be unhappy. You can have love and sex and be unhappy. How's that? What's your theory?

Star · 05-17-2005, 05:55 AM

I think if you settle for someone that you don't truly love, you won't be happy in the relationship. The person can love you to death and treat you very well but if you don't love that person in return, you will be unhappy.

Duke · 05-17-2005, 06:42 AM

Is love and sex all there is to a relationship, if it were and both were good then I think you'd be happy. I think relationships need much more in order to flourish such as:

- communication
- understanding
- support
- humor
- trust
- compromise

Certain things are important to certain people, not everybodies alike. I think you have to be honest with yourself with what you can and can't live with and then look for a partner who posesses the traits most important to you.

Adonaicole · 05-17-2005, 10:55 AM

Quote:

You can have love and sex and be unhappy.

Not me dude, no way...

twinkle · 05-17-2005, 11:00 AM

I mean that maybe it's just possible that 2 people that are inlove and have a good sex life to be incompatible. I'm just saying... I don't know, I feel like it's a glue that keeps 2 people together and I've accidentally lost it. What is that glue that makes both partners to want to work together and make compromises?

Star · 05-17-2005, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinkle

I mean that maybe it's just possible that 2 people that are inlove and have a good sex life to be incompatible. I'm just saying... I don't know, I feel like it's a glue that keeps 2 people together and I've accidentally lost it. What is that glue that makes both partners to want to work together and make compromises?

sex is not the glue that holds 2 people together. a couple can have a great sex life and not be happy at all because all of the important factors are missing. Such as what duke mentioned...

- communication
- understanding
- support
- humor
- trust
- compromise
- respect
- appreciation
- friendship

those are the MOST important things in a relationship above sex. A couple can have an almost non-existant sex life and still be happy together because they have all other ingredients that make them a couple in whole.

Gerry and I are happily married and we're not always in the bedroom. We might be lucky to get "lucky" once a week. If sex was the glue that held us together, we wouldn't be together.

Rock · 05-17-2005, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinkle

I mean that maybe it's just possible that 2 people that are inlove and have a good sex life to be incompatible. I'm just saying... I don't know, I feel like it's a glue that keeps 2 people together and I've accidentally lost it. What is that glue that makes both partners to want to work together and make compromises?

I have never really though about this twinkle. It has always seemed to me that I have not needed to make a compromise or work together with anyone about a relationship. Either we like to do the same things and we do them, or we do not. If we do not like to do the same things then I find someone else to do them with or I do them alone.

I am not sure what you are saying. It sounds like you compensate. When you compromise, you mean you do things that you do not want to do with another person? You feel that you may have been "short changed," until sex happens? Then you feel that things are even?

Duke · 05-17-2005, 03:20 PM

Are you saying that you've never had a long term relationship that never involved compromise Rock? If that is indeed the case then your one person in a million who experienced it. There's simply no such thing as absolute compatability when it comes to relationships.

Rock · 05-17-2005, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

Are you saying that you've never had a long term relationship that never involved compromise Rock? If that is indeed the case then your one person in a million who experienced it.

I've never dated one person longer tha 18 months. Is this a "long term relationship?" I think so.

Duke · 05-21-2005, 06:12 AM

So you were with this person for a year and a half and never once had to compromise? I find that very hard to believe actually.

darkangelism · 05-22-2005, 01:09 AM

i think you can be happy with both or with niether...the right mindset is what is important. I certainly have niether and there are times that im happy.

I think sex makes a relationship closer and some people do need it for a relationship to work.

Star · 05-22-2005, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

I think sex makes a relationship closer and some people do need it for a relationship to work.

then it isn't love, it's lust. If the foundation of your relationship is sex, it won't last.

Merika · 05-22-2005, 11:44 AM

Maybe people can't find happiness in a relationship if they aren't happy with where their lives are to begin with. Love can make you feel all giddy, sex can keep you preoccupied....but at the end of the day.....you are still stuck with yourself. (I'm not saying that about YOU Twinks....I'm just making a general statement).

Paul · 05-22-2005, 01:10 PM

Soo soo true. It seems to me that who you are with is a reflection of how you view yourself, if you're unhappy then no one person is going to make you feel whole and that relationship can't last. You have to be a happy individual in your own right first before you go looking for anyone else. That's just what me thinks.

Duke · 05-22-2005, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Star

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

I think sex makes a relationship closer and some people do need it for a relationship to work.

then it isn't love, it's lust