we need a way out and be together !!!

[nessie]

I need help urgently !!!
I live in austria and my fiance in america and we just want one thing to be together finallly
but its being hell for us to get there mostly because of his non supportive silliest parents they put a hard time on us his dad is the worst hes always getting aggressions and holding hour long speeches on how this is fantasy we live in and how he want him to have his life
we really have depressions and its getting worse everyday plus the urgent need to be with each other finally out of this hell but he has no one that can help him
he needs a passport but he has no ID no drivers license or passport so we dont know how to get and ID or passport for him because his mom wont help coming with him to prove his identity and were lost right now
i just wanna live with him in america forever away from this trouble and hell hes been trough all his life because of his parents
i just dont know how anymore
PLEASE I NEED ANY HELP I CAN GET TO FINALLY END THIS DEPRESSIONS THAT ARE KILLING US ALL WE WANT IS TO BE TOGETHER WE NEED A WAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


oh and no silly comments please im just asking for someone that can help not talk bad stuff i heard enough of that

[TKDLady]

First off welcome to the forums. I don't know if I can help other than to listen. First off, how old are you both? If he is under 18 in the USA he is still considered a minor and his parents are his legal guardians. Why doesn't he have a driver's license or an ID? If he can't come to Austria can you come to the US? I don't know what is involved in moving here from a foreign country but there are a couple people here who might know more on that subject. I guess what I am asking is for you to give us a little more information: how old you both are, what does he and you do for a living, either in college or still in high school, how exactly are his parents mistreating him? If the only reason you both think he is being mistreated is because they won't let him run off to Austria, well that is just being a parent. If he is an adult then that is a different story. Anyway, give us more info and we can go from there.

[nessie]

Thank you so much for being willed to help us
We are no minors anymore im 19 and hes 18 we both live with our parents just with the difference that mine are real parents always supporting me and his have never been parents to him neither do they care about him. Well the family ir really poor they sleep together in one room which means 4 people and hes still going to high school and for the ID if theres no else ID than passport or licsense he has none i guess. Yes i hope so because we were planning on getting married in the USA so its easier for me to get a Green Card and Visa but with a K-1 fiance visa hed need money again to submit it for me and i would have to fly around so much between the two countries it would cost extremely much and all my savings would be gone. And then i thoguth of maybe doing an internship for a year so we can organize it all durring that time and still being together but it has to be fast hes in danger with this devil of dad and im scared he might do something bad to him.
As i said we are both 18 and 19 i finnished school here in fashion design and he is about to graduate high school. His parents are from what i seen and heard they are hell his mother is a mexican who doesnt know a word english she works at mc donalds she really doesnt care much all she does is watching mexican tv all day and cooking. His sister is one of the kind no one would wish for a little 13 year old girl always calling him bad words and being annoying to him evevryday. Worst of all his dad a cuban from what i heard he made his life hell ever since even pointing a gun on him as child hes so agressive and when he sees us together on cam always calling me bad words and that all women are the same hurting and cheating that i have another guy and hell be hurted and that were in fantasy get a job go to school and all that stuff. Hes violent and agressive and im always scared that he might hurt him because in the past he did. So basically we are not taken serious or accepted by them which i wouldnt care if they didnt make our life so hard now. Oh and he cant go anywhere he has to sit on a table in the kitchen because thats the only place hes allowed to be. I think the dad he wants to controll everything he says theres only one way in life theres no other way than my way holding speeches for hours im really sick of it. Its just really sad to hear that parents could ever treat their child like that it must have been a very hard life for him im the only one he has and he said his parents have never been parents to him. I just want us to be together out of this hell but we need help there are sure much possibilities but neither have we discovered much yet nor do we know whats best.
I hope i could help

[Vautrin]

Welcome to the forums. Just a few questions first in order to understand the situation a bit better. I have been in a long distance relationship, I have even managed to get the distance out of the equation for the most part - but by no means is it as simple as just showing up and signing some documents.

Have you ever met in person? Have you actually spent some time with his family, and likewise has he spent time with yours? How did you meet?

What are your long-term goals? Being together, and being in love is one thing, but you also have to think about forming your own family, getting into careers and finding ways to pay the bills, getting an education (on his part), etc. What are your plans in that respect?

[nessie]

Of course its not as easy as showing up and signing documents not with such parents of his. He needs a passport or some other ID we need to get some paper work done and interviews and all those nice things. But thats our problem for later right now is to concern about how we can get together in america and wich way is the best.

Were tryng to meet in person and id never spend any time with his family of hell as he said there not existing to him and we for sure dont want them in our life were not traditional family people anyways. We met on gothise a website in october 2011.

Our long term goals are to life a happy and peaceful life wuth all it includes forever. Oh yes forming our family well marry and have 2 kids one boy Enovv and a girl Nessie and well life in Washington in a nice house. He wants to finish school we will do some regular jobs at first and then going into our acting careers and any other opportunities were creative.

[Vautrin]

Just bear in mind that it is one thing to live with the fantasy of each other and another thing to actually live with someone. Having been in a LDR, I can tell you that spending time together in real life is completely different than spending time together online. I too met my ex online, and we managed to build and have a relationship for 5.5 years.

I'd strongly suggest that the two of you spend some time together in real life, so you can get to know each other. Since the two of you are still young, I know it will be hard to find the financial means to do so. But I would definitely be looking into your options (and he in his).

For instance he may have some bad habits, that you don't know about simply because he does not tell you. He may not even be aware of it. The same can apply to you. We tend to make the faulty assumption that the other person is who they claim to be, and fill in the blanks to suggest that we are better matches for each other than we really are.

Living in a foreign country will be a big change as well. Not only will you miss your family (or he his), but there are also concerns about language, local culture, which can really put a lot of stress on the best of relationships. Judging by the way you write, you seem to enjoy interacting with people, so that is something to bear in mind as well.

Another concern would be how he and you would make a living. Is he going to go to college, or does he have a decently paying job lined up for him? With the economy being bad as it is, and the two of you having the qualifications you have, it is not like that the two of you are guaranteed to rake in the big bucks. So expect a lot of hard work being involved to make the money to pay the bills.

I am just reminding you, since it is a reality we tend to forget. Love, sadly does not pay the bills. And sometimes love is not enough to sustain a relationship.

Since he is still living with his family, it is a bit more complicated than just you buying a ticket and flying out to meet up with him. Is it an option for him to fly out over Christmas or something to meet up with you? At least then you will have a somewhat natural setting. The alternative would be to fly out when he has a place of his own, so the two of you can enjoy some privacy. You don't want to be living in some kind of cheap motel for two or three weeks, because that will get awkward soon enough, is rather expensive, and highly artificial.

For him to get a passport,
First Time Applicants
should give him enough information to get a passport. You don't need a driver's license (though it would make things easier), but he will need to make some effort to get all the paperwork sorted for it.

For you it might be an idea to look into volunteering jobs in the US, near where he lives? He needs to finish school, and either go to college or set up his own place and start his working life soon enough (I am sure his family won't pay for it). I'd suggest looking up some international volunteering organisations from the EU and see if you can find something that appeals to you. Usually you don't need a ton of qualifications, even though you have to go through some interviewing processes to make certain that you are decently equipped / qualified for what you are going to do.

[nessie]

Oh gosh his silly dad is yelling around again saying he will break all computers so he cant be with me no more and hes calling me bad things freaking out i seriously need to get him out of there

[nessie]

I know its different when well meet in real life but i have nothing to loose and from caming i already seen much of his good and bad sides.

Oh yes we really need to meet and we want it so badly i just need to safe him his dad scares me hes so violent even wnat to hurt him it kills me seeing and hearing what he says and does i need to get him out óf this hell but its not easy

I dont feel at home in austria i never did all my life i wanted to life in america and the last thing he will miss is his parents and im willing to make sacrifices in order to be with him. And the language haha no problem for me and america is not asia or africa so im sure it wont be such great differences in lifestyle. Haha im a very cautionous person when it comes to people i dont trust anyone easily.

Job and education is all good but at this time we really have the concern to escape from his devil parents because i rather life on the streets with a husband thats alive than having money house and car all alone with a husbands killed by his violent father I understand those things are important but life goes before all that

Sure not if love would pay the bills id be billionaire but it safes lifes

He cant just go away from home for a while theyd never take him back and hed be on the streets if he goes it has to be forever and it has to be fast im really getting worried Miami is the worst pplace for jobs it would take ages for him to have his place i have to rescue him we dont have much time if the passport doesnt work its up to me and i have to get an internship thats the only way id do everything to get him out of there even selling my soul

On the passport it says secondary ID and he has a school ID and social security card the question is is that enough.


Gosh i dont know what to do anymore his father brings so much pressure to us it hurts me so much everytime he says im no real girl and he should get real ones and have fun having tons of girls i could throw up hed never do that hes having speeches for hours telling him all stuff about whats right and silly stuff thats never true all the fantasy hes making up in his mind about me its so mean and i better never get near him or i dont know what id do to him i just wish that this hell is over soon

[Vautrin]

If his family is giving him such a hard time, the first step for him would be to move out to a place of his own. He must have some friends, with whom he can stay? Or start working some job, so he can try and rent a small apartment for himself? No matter what you do on your end, he needs to take his life in his own hands, and that means moving out and getting away from his parents.

He should be able to get a passport. It will cost some money, but nothing excessive. What he will do with it, is something the two of you need to discuss. Either he looks for work and gets himself an apartment, or he does do some volunteering program (working holidays may be an option too).

In the first case, you can visit, in the second case, it may even be possible to go and work someplace together. Both have their positives and negatives.

Either way, it won't be easy for him, but if he is not going to make the effort to change his life around, you have an answer too .