A Thing Called Trust

Merika · 10-07-2004, 08:42 PM

Would you maintain a relationship with someone you felt you have to check up on.....such as their internet clicks, their wallet, the miles put on the car, their where-abouts, etc.

My feeling is that as soon as that sort of doubt enters a relationship....it's already doomed.

I may be wrong though. I was wondering what everyone else felt about this and how far they would go to check up on the person they love. Do you think it's sometimes justified?

Duke · 10-07-2004, 11:00 PM

If I couldn't trust my partner of felt she didn't trust me then I'd end it in a heartbeat. That's just the beginning of a lifetime of trouble.

Star · 10-24-2004, 02:26 PM

It wouldn't be a very happy relationship if all you do is check up on your partner. I'd end it. Without trust, how can love bloom?

Duke · 10-28-2004, 12:49 AM

I'd agree, a relationship without trust is no relationship at all. In fact, I can't even be friends with someone I don't trust.

Paul · 10-28-2004, 12:53 AM

Yes I agree, trust is essential. I totally trust my gf and am never concerned, if I thought I had reason to be or if there were doubts, I'd definetly end it.

Duke · 10-28-2004, 12:54 AM

You gotta get her registered here d00d. I'm interested in meeting her, well not meeting, reading what she has to say I guess.

Paul · 10-28-2004, 12:58 AM

Ya I'm trying to get the computer I built for her to work, it's giving a blue screen error which flashes on the screen before windows even boots then the computer immediately reboots, so I don't have time to read the message, very frustrating. Once I defeat that, I'm mailing the computer to her so she can join us online.

Duke · 10-28-2004, 12:59 AM

Delete won't even take you as far as the system config?

Paul · 10-28-2004, 01:03 AM

I can do that but honestly I don't know where to go from there, time to do some site searching. We should TS sometime, I always look for you on MSN but I think you appear offline or something... hit me up and we'll stop making this our private message board!

Duke · 10-28-2004, 01:07 AM

I never sign on anymore. I'll try and keep it up and running more in the future.

I'm also thinking about creating a Lifesupporters.com IRC channel.

twinkle · 10-28-2004, 03:07 AM

It depends when this happenes. If you trust him first, then you've got reason to believe he might be doing other stuff he's not telling you about, I'd think about leaving the guy.

At the beginning, my relationship with my current bf was very laid back. We would see eachother once every 2 weeks (no sex), just enjoy eachother's company and taking it real one day at the time. I knew he wasn't working all the week ends and I was convinced he would go out with his friends quite often too.

I guess I liked the excitement, the challenge. I know he could have gone out with tons of other girls in the mean time, but to tell you the truth, if a man wants to do this, wants to get laid, wants to see other women, no checking up, or threats or wild horses will keep him from doing so.

My two cents, anyway

twinkle

Merika · 10-28-2004, 09:19 AM

I have a wierd philosophy about that. If I were with someone who just went out on occasion and got laid elsewhere....I wouldn't care. I don't want to know about it....but it wouldn't be that big of a deal with me.

I work with guys who live out of town and am also around a lot of military guys who have families elsewhere....and I don't think if they sleep with someone else while they are away from home that it means they don't care about their families or love their wife.

I don't consider a one night stand or a fling as a marriage killer....AS LONG AS they don't speak negatively about their wives or share secrets.

Star · 10-28-2004, 09:38 AM

then you are a much more forgiving person than i am merika because that would be the one thing that kills my marriage. To me, that's betrayal, disrespectful and insulting.

It's the one thing we have that we hold dear to our hearts is our intimacy with eachother. When you choose to marry, you choose to be with that one person, and only that one person for the rest of your life. That person is your partner for life. If he were to go and have a one night stand elsewhere behind my back and i find out about it (and I would most deffinately find out about it, i'm a good detective if i have to be), his bags would be packed and on the front lawn when he got home with the locks changed. the next time he'd see me is at the lawyers office with divorce papers.

How can you truly love someone and take that intimacy elsewhere? If you can do that, then you truly don't love that person. It's over so break it off before you cheat. It's only fair.

My husband and I feel the same way about this issue. He would do the same if I were the one who cheated on him and I can't say that I would blame him! I'd expect that. The trust we have for one another would be gone forever.

Merika · 10-28-2004, 09:50 AM

I used to feel the same way Star.....really I did.

It was only after I worked with guys, and actually knew them quite well, who are away from their wives for months at a time. They travel around the world working in various ship yards.....or they are in the military and are deployed for 6 months or a year!

In other words...lets say I were married to a sailor who was deployed for 6 months. The ship pulls into port in Malta. He picks up some girl in a bar, probably not for free, and does his thing. I would have no reason to take issue with it. Again, I don't want to know about it....but if I found out....I'd let it go.

It's relevant depending on the situation. Funny thing though....I don't see it the same the other way around. I always have been and always would be a faithful wife.

Star · 10-28-2004, 11:15 AM

women and men both have sexual needs. if my husband couldn't "keep it in his pants", for lack of a better phrase, long enough to wait for me, the one he supposably loves, he's not worthy of my love and that goes for the other way around as well as far as i'm concerned.

I don't feel there is no reason why a spouse should be unfaithful. These guys that give the excuse of being away from their wives for 6 months are using a cop out excuse for their actions. Makes me really happy i don't have a man with those standards!

another thing that really peeves me are those women that know the man is taken and they go ahead and have sex with them anyways. Homewreckers that have no respect for anyone.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like such a prude because i'm not really, i just feel really strong about this issue. I was cheated on by man in the past (my oldest daughter's father) and it really didn't feel good. It made me feel inadequate, unattrative and used. My self-esteem got hurt big time after that. Thank god my husband came when he did. He brought me back up again and I know he would never be unfaithful no matter how far or how long apart we were and I would be the same. We both know how it feels.