so this is what it feels like...

[Weiser]

to get dumped...never had that happen before...

well i just got back from a walk with andrea. i guess she talked to one of her old friends on sunday who just moved back to town and is getting sober. they had a nice little heart to heart and caught up, it turns out that her friend is bi-polar and drinking is apparently pretty bad for that. well andrea is bi-polar too (though i never noticed anything wrong or anything) and she is going to start going to aa too and cut out everything. good for her too, cause when she starts she doesnt stop.

thing is though, i guess she was reading some of their books and it says that its not good to be in a relationship when starting aa, unless it was already on going (only been with her for like 1.5 months now). so, sucks for me i guess.

you know, the best times i had with her were when we werent drinking or partying. i'm kind of confused right now. she still wants to hang out and stuff (yeah, i've used that line waaay too many times before), so i guess we'll see how that goes. i know its going to be tough on her if she is really serious, because all her current friends are hardcore partiers.

it's kind of funny, i hadn't done anything for sooooooo long until i met her, and now she wants to stop it all and cut everything off from that part of her. heh, i wouldnt have done anything if i never met her. weird.

so yeah, i'm not really upset or anything, but i did really like her. hell i'm pretty sure i would like her even more now that she is doing this. meh, whatever.

[Vautrin]

That sucks extremely, Weiser.

It is hard to identify some people who suffer from bi-polar. Because they are good at "hiding" the illness, or because it is not very severe in their case. I talk from experience, BTW.

Was Andrea already on medication before, or is she starting treatment now? The medication serves to let people regain balance. The combination of alcohol and meds, makes the meds ineffective. The same goes for the other interventions. It is important for her to stop drinking. If she is already quite balanced, prospects are good for her.

you know, the best times i had with her were when we werent drinking or partying.

Which is a good thing. Of course, it would be foolish to set your hope on that. Just see how it goes. That is the only thing you can do about Andrea right now.

[Weiser]

she told me about being bipolar a couple weekends ago (the weekend i was up for 48 hours) and she wasnt taking meds, and she isn't now. she just partied like a freakin rockstar. and you know, it is a good thing that she is going to start going to aa, because she told me again tonight that she was bipolar - she didn't even remember telling me.

she was diagnosed when she got back from guyana (volunteering) and had to goto the hospital for exhaustion or something. that was a couple years ago.

i still want to be there for her, cause i know its going to be rough for her - she is literally going to lose all her friends. and hell, i could use some "sobering up" too. and by sobering up, i mean start saving some dang money. so i really dont know what to do.

[Weiser]

man, i am making her out to sound like such a bad person. she really isn't. 90% average in university, going to be a nurse practicioner - she wants to eventually do doctors without borders, she tutors 8 people during the week...only downfall is the damn partying...

[twinkle]

HEy, Weiser

Something's wrong with that girl. You know it and she knows it and now she's got a name to put on it. Actually, I'm happy for you because she's cutting you loose.

She's got lots of issues she needs to solve for herself. One way or the other. From my own experience, it only gets worse before it gets better. So prepare to see her drunk, waisted and stuff.... MAybe she won't, maybe she'll clear up her act... I doubt it.

YOu don't want to be caught up in that. Stay away and please don't take the "let's be friends" bull. Some people simply need to learn things the hard way.

Be strong, Weiser.

[Vautrin]

It is a real rough situation, in which you find yourself Weiser.

There are various severities of bi-polar, and the manic mood might now be the mood she is in. People in such moods have a lot of energy, are a lot less inhibited, need less sleep, feel like they can take on the world. The lack of inhibition can lead to a lot of problems.
Of course, the manic mood does not last forever, and the mood can change to the almost complete opposite: extremely exhausted (need lots of sleep), lack of energy, etc. Which can be very draining for the people around her.

Not all cases of bi-polar are very severe (there are various categories, but I won't bore you with that). In general, the better a person is able to handle him/herself properly and hide the illness, the less severe it is.

What is important, is that she gets help, and stops drinking (and partying, on the scale she used to). If most of her friends do not see the importance of that for her, then it will be extremely tough on her. Because then all kinds of social pressure start working against her.

There might be other issues (like setting realistic goals and targets), but the same applies: she needs a healthy environment in which the behaviors that cause a lot of problems, are effectively combatted, so that she will have a better life.

To be honest, I am a bit surprised by the recommendation to break of the relationship if it did not exist that long. What counts is the quality of the relationship, the influence a person has on the bi-polar person. Granted, bi-polar people are not the easiest to be around, as moods can fluctuate between elated and depressed, and meds do not suppress bi-polar completely. It takes quite a bit to be able to handle that.

You can always try to be there for her. I know, whatever you do, it will be hard on you as well. But if she does indeed go to AA, does indeed make a serious effort with her issues, I don't see this as preventing a good relationship being created. However, you can't make yourself 100% responsible for her.

My suggestion would be to be a bit of support, which she will need. If you expect her to lose all her friends because of this, then that will affect her adversely as well. If she does indeed fight the bi-polar succesfully, it barely is an issue. If not, then she will be extremely hard to be around, and ultimately you will cut her loose completely.

[Weiser]

Twinkle - she's got some issues, but so does everyone. she's no different that i was 2 years ago, hell i was way worse (well, except for the bipolar thing). i've been there and done that, which i think is part of the reason i want to be there for her. i know how it is.

vautrin - she hid it pretty well if you ask me, but i am no expert. i had no idea anything was wrong though, i just thought she liked to party alot.

with her friends, she lost all her good friends (and by good i mean no partying) because she started hanging out with her current friends. all they do is party though, other than that I dont think they have all that much in common. i do know, from first hand experience, that once you quit the party life, you will never hear from your party friends again - which i know is going to happen to her.

i am surprised that the aa books recommend that she not be in a relationship either, i would think having support would be best.

ah i don't know.... i have zero problems meeting / dating girls at all, so i'm not worried about that. in the numerous girls i've ever dated...girlfriends, whatever, she was one of the few special ones that i actually felt that "connection" with.

[Vautrin]

You may not be an expert on diagnosing people, but you did not suspect anything was wrong with Andrea either. That is a good sign.

From what you describe it seems that a solid friendship can be formed now.

Relationship might be possible too, but as for a time-table, it is very hard to make a good predicition - and it is true that the less inhibited part can be very debilitating for a relationship. In severe cases the loss of inhibition might lead to a lot of dangerous addictions, which can make relationships almost impossible.
However from what you describe, chances are good that this will not be the biggest issue. Much will depend on the severity, and how she is going to cope.

Tough call to make.

[Weiser]

I guess we'll just wait and see I guess. I can deal with her as a friend and only a friend, she really is a good person. i guess time will tell what happens. i just talked to her, she's about to leave for her meeting. she's going to call me when its done.

she's hoping to meet some new friends there, which is a good idea.

[Star]

weiser, i'm sorry that you lost andrea.

she right though. if she's going to go to AA and try to work on herself to get clean, she can't be in any relationship. it will interfere with her recovery. If she is bi-polar, partying is the worst thing for her. people with this disorder who are on some pretty heavy meds shouldn't be doing any drugs or drinking. it's doesn't mix well with the meds she should be taking for her disorder.

andrea won't be ready for a relationship until she feels secure enough about staying on the wagon. but, that doesn't mean that you can't call her once in awhile and ask her how she's doing. she might really appreciate that.

[Merika]

Welcome to the cruel world of the Broken Hearted and Bitter!

[Paul]

Glad to hear she's getting help! Once she's into it or through it, she'll probably realize that you're a source of stability in her life, that's how it struck me anyway. You're the man, you know it, just another day with a speedbump bro!

[Weiser]

well so much for the no girls thing *cough 2* well it was a fun night. glad i can goto sleep tonight though

[Merika]

I figured you wouldn't live the life of a monk too long! LMAO!

[Weiser]

Yeah....what can I say. It's not like I went out looking for it. Nope, I was just out having a good time with the guys and some girls and the girls just wanted to have a better time. Who am I to say no and ruin their night?