Scary Signposts vs. 400+ hp

[Samson]

While recently pretending to have a single life, I ran across an article describing dating that described 5 "scary signposts," or inexcusable behaviors that rear their ugly heads after the "magical," but extraordinarily short lived first 3 months of a relationship.

Scary Signpost #1: LIES.
PULL OVER BECAUSE: Trust is the foundation of every relationship; without it, there is nothing on which to build a relationship.

Scary Signpost #2: CHEATING (on someone else)
PULL OVER BECAUSE: If he cheated on her, he’ll cheat on you.

Scary Signpost #3: NEGLECT.
PULL OVER BECAUSE: If someone makes you feel like a bother because you want his attention, he’s not worth the bother.

Scary Signpost #4: ABUSE.
PULL OVER BECAUSE: No one worth having makes you feel worthless.

Scary Signpost #5: ADDICTION.
PULL OVER BECAUSE: You don’t want a man or a woman who can only manage being dateworthy on a “when I’m not incapacitatedâ€Â� basis.

My goodness!

Given 15 years of marriage, I'll admit to being on the scary giving and receiving end of each "signpost." I'm also not aware of anyone with a different experience.

Consequently, I'm not sure human nature is designed to maintain a "perfect" relationship longer than 3 months with another human, and am completely convinced if I had it all to do over again, I might just limit my concentration on longer term relationships to those with 8 cylinder engines and over 400 hp. Perhaps the Dodge Viper.

So, what would be your inanimate choice, if you came to the same conclusion?

[Merika]

Well.....real love is when you love beyond all the imperfections. Some people seem to have a greater capacity of accomplishing that....than other people do. EX: Star is very happily married and has been for many years. I know other couples who are happily married also.

I also know a great many miserable couples.

Maybe the miserable ones DID neglect to follow the red flag signs you posted.

[Star]

about the only signpost there that would apply to my marriage would be the lies one and even that isn't to the extreme by no means. We lie to eachother about how much money we have on our person. LOL!

If I have 100.00, i'll tell him i only have 20.00. he does the same with me and we both know it. it's been like that for years! so, that's no big deal. never know when i'll be able to sneak off to bingo one afternoon. LOL!

I know a lot of people who are happily married and i know some who aren't and are on their way to get divorced or are divorced. People look at hubby and i and wonder how in the world can we be happily married because of the way we are with eachother (we are a very strange couple at times) but it works for us. I only knew of one other couple like us and they were happy too. I can't even explain how it is that we are different, we just are. Let's just say we're very with eachother when it comes to everything but money. LOL! and when we fight, it's a fight because we're both very stubborn and neither one of us wants to back down.

I married a libra. one of the worst signs for a virgo to be with. LOL! we but heads a lot but we do love eachother deeply. We're so opposites that we're perfect together if that makes any sense at all.

We are happily married but we do also fight and argue like everybody else does. We're not perfect by any means. We were fighting last night in the parking lot of the grocery store over a 25.00 ham i bought for tonight's supper. LOL! we made up this morning. :wink:

[Samson]

I didn't think about this when I originally posted, BUT Delilah and I are entering the dreaded 4th month (according to Signpost Theory), and I see clear parallels between initial "dating" experiences and our "marital reconcillialtion" that began shortly before the new year.

For those that cannot recall, or were unaware, after many "Hell DAYS" I was in a divorce lawyer's office and left with worksheets designed to divide our assets/liabilities. Delilah had agreed to an amicable divorce if she could move to Florida with the kids.

A couple of days later, she begged for a reconcilliation, I told her she needed to get a job and stop obsessing about my past "emotional affair." We both agreed to have a change of heart, and sex was plentiful for a month, during which she went to work.

Work, it seems, is quite unpleasent for Delilah. You see, she has a "boss" that "tells her what to do" and "how to do it" and even, <<<<gasp>>> "when to do it." She returns home with the baggage, unabashed, as punishment for forcing her into working. In addition, she makes every excuse to interfer with my own schedule; wherever collaboration would benefit me, it is avoided at all cost.

But I have so far not flinched, carrying out the additional duties she has assigned. Bought her flowers to celebrate her employment, and schedule Friday "Happy hours" with her, returning home from work with wine and hor'deurves, bought her a new (used) car, painted the upstairs of our home..........

Perhaps its time to have another "attitude" discussion.

[Stone]

I am so happy things are working out for you samson. Greg is trying to pull me into therapy now and I am refusing... but your story is hopeful.

[Samson]

We'll see.

[Stone]

Has she considered looking for a new job?

[Samson]

Yeah.

You know a job that has no demands?

[Stone]

[Samson]

Wicked Woman!!! :oops: :P

[Star]

what about going into some kind of business for herself? She might be happier if she were the boss. Didn't she used to be a teacher? maybe she can do some tutoring or something? Just a thought.

[Stone]

Yep that's What I was thinking what about one of those Sylvan learning Centers or something.

[Merika]

Samson....if the main problem with the marriage is Delilah not wanting a job outside of the home....why don't you just arrange the finances so she can do so? An additional income would help towards some of the toys in life...but those aren't always the most important things. Quite frankly, if I was married and had younger children.....I wouldn't want to work either.

[Stone]

If she likes to stay home so much tell her to open a HOme Daycare.

[Star]

Originally Posted by Merika

Samson....if the main problem with the marriage is Delilah not wanting a job outside of the home....why don't you just arrange the finances so she can do so? An additional income would help towards some of the toys in life...but those aren't always the most important things. Quite frankly, if I was married and had younger children.....I wouldn't want to work either.

I was thinking that too. I was always a stay at home mom (besides the times i did get a job - not for too long). The problem with me when I did try and go out to work, I'd worry too much about my kids so that affected my work; I hated it too. Do you think that she's unhappy because she'd rather be home with her kids instead? that could be the problem.

[Stone]

IMO Samson has a very VAlid argument with this one. She went to college to become a teacher it's a shame to waste that PLUS the kids are in school now and I think he wants to save for there retirement, now a days it is crucial that retirement planning starts as early as possible.

[Merika]

Even kids who are in school need mothering and nurturing. I think one of the problems with kids today is that they have to come home to an empty house.

I remember when I was in elementary school and my Mom went to college. I hated to