Sabatoging relationships

Stone · 11-11-2004, 09:30 PM

I have been guilty of Sabatoging two relationships and I think I am doing it again.... I don't know why I do this. Does anyone else have a pattern of this?

Duke · 11-11-2004, 09:33 PM

I do and it's pathetic. I think it goes back to that fear of being alone and fear of commitment thing.

You are not alone.

Stone · 11-11-2004, 09:37 PM

LOL Yep that's where I thought of that.

I think I just pick people apart and some subconsious way it makes me feel better or deal with issues I can not figure out. I actually feel pretty bad for the men I get involved with I should come with a warning label. I think I come pretty close to mentally abusive :?

Duke · 11-11-2004, 09:52 PM

I do the same thing. I spend countless amouts of time digging finding bad traits in others then the rest of the time focusing on them.

Stone · 11-12-2004, 05:24 AM

HAHA Maby we can get a discount on group therapy duke !! LOL

Duke · 11-12-2004, 08:40 AM

Lol, prolly not a bad idea Stoneheather.

I wonder how a relationship would work if both people had the exact same problem?

Merika · 11-12-2004, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

I wonder how a relationship would work if both people had the exact same problem?

Double-Dysfuntion? HAHA!

Duke · 11-12-2004, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merika

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

I wonder how a relationship would work if both people had the exact same problem?

Double-Dysfuntion? HAHA!

or harmony?

Two wrongs making a right?

Stone · 01-16-2005, 04:16 PM

Hummm I have noticed with the relationship with Greg lately that I am 110% sabatoging this relationship, I know I am and I remind myself to stop but I can't..... Maby I don't want to change.... or maby I don't know how. But I am getting to the point where I am very mentally abusive to him andhe has done some pretty harsh stuff to me but he doesn't deserve to come home to a Bi**h, and he doesn't deserve to be called names when he aggrivates me.. the problem is I would NEVER EVER speak or treat anyother person this way and I am doing it with him as I did with Noahs father... maby the resentment I have twards the both of them has pushed me to be abusive or maby it is a pattern after I have become comfortable.

Greg used to be my best friend and now he isn't I try to remember our friendship and I can honestly say if we we're just buddies and he was with a girl like me I would tell him to RUN!! he is really a good guy, I just don't see him that way anymore.

I don't know why I just can't let myself be happy and stop picking at everything.

Meanon · 01-16-2005, 06:37 PM

When do you realise you are being unfair? After the event, during or before? How do you feel when It's happening - are you concentrating on whatever it is you don't like about him or are you thinking of yourself, thinking about how what he's done (or not done) is making you feel?

Duke · 01-16-2005, 06:41 PM

I've done the same thing plenty of times SH and can understand what you're saying. It's a big hurdle to get over and I know it's almost impossible to change if the hurt is already too deep. I think maybe you need to have a good talk with Greg and try and sort some of this stuff out.

Star · 01-16-2005, 10:02 PM

it could all be because of stress also. Stress can cause a person make a mountain out of a hump. You have been extremely stressed in the last couple months. it could've all caught up to you at once.

Samson · 01-17-2005, 09:07 AM

Quote:

I would NEVER EVER speak or treat anyother person this way and I am doing it with him as I did with Noahs father... it is a pattern after I have become comfortable.

Quote:

Greg used to be my best friend and now he isn't I try to remember our friendship.....he is really a good guy, I just don't see him that way anymore.

Familiarity breeds contempt for us all SH. It isn't you fault, it is our nature. Dr. Phil and other legions of marriage counsellors reiterate the platitude: Marriage requires hard work. I would add that indeed, a successful marriage requires work, MOSTLY because a successful divorce requires MORE work.

I am convinced that long term monagomous relationships for humans is more a social construct than a natural one, and that evolutionary forces within society are working to change the unnatural tendancy to expect marriage to last more than about 7 years.

Stone · 01-17-2005, 09:10 AM

Ahhh yes is that what they call the 7 year itch HAHA

Meanon · 01-17-2005, 11:19 AM

You're too young for the 7 year itch!

Most people choose to live in long term monogomous relationships. I agree, they tend not to last forever.

Stonheather you've had many difficulties with Greg, maybe too much damage has been done to repair the breaches of trust in your relationship. There's still something there, though. It's not long since you split up and you chose to get back together. The best thing to do is try and get to the bottom of what it is that's bothering you so.

You know he's a good guy yet you don't see him that way. Try and decide if your current impresion of him is accurate or whether you know the good guy is there under all the crap that's got in the way. If you decide the relationship is worth trying to save, tell him why you now see him differently and let him do something about it, if he's able, rather than punishing him for it.

Either way, take things slowly, make no hasty decisions. You may need Greg's help for some time yet. You are pregnant with his child, you are entitled to his support even if you know things will not work out in the long term.