liking more then one person at a time

[darkangelism]

i thought a lot tonight about this, tried to stop with drinking, which worked for awhile, but it came back, i even reached the point where i had a cigarette in my hand b4 i realized it wasnt gonna help and gave it back, i think im gonna write her a nice poem then walk away, i dont want any more nights of crying myself to sleep. i need an escape from life. I started having suicidal thoughts, like what would i say b4 i go, what would happen after, i have studied suicide in school throughly, and my thoughts are scary. i just hope id call somebody b4 it was too late, bcause if i try i wont fail. i have a suicide hotline number stored on my computer.

[Duke]

Whoa man, you really need to stop and take a look at your situation. Girls is not your problem man, you've got way deeper issues than that and use women as your vehicle for expressing your anxiety.

You're well on your way to a nervous breakdown my friend and that's not good. If I were you, I'd back out of all the things that are pressuring you and take a breather. Finish the semester and take some time off away from school, get a job you enjoy and start living life. If you're parents are part of the problem then you owe it to yourself to tell them and have it out or distance yourself from them entirely until you get your house in order.

I'm not kidding here da, you really need to evaluate where your going because where you are is not a happy place. You need to take a break and wind down before you do something you regret.

[twinkle]

DA, stop the pitty party. You are such a lucky young man. SO lucky, DA!

You got a loving family, your health is alright, you've got FRIENDS there for you. You're home. Plus, you live in NY and studying advertising which is MY DREAM, so that makes it even MORE UNFAIR.

I think we've all been where you are right now.Scared, not knowing which way to go, confused about ourselves. Imagine you had a gf. Would that actually solve your issues? I think you're projecting all your worries on this thing - not having a gf. I also think you blew it on purpose, because you're scared that it's not gonna work.


Chose to overcome this, DA. You must overcome it. IT's no one's fqult but your one's for letting all this pressure get to you. School? REally? What will you do when at the end of it, you'll decide to have a MAster and there'll be like 100 people for one place? NOW that is pressure.


You have to understand that it's all in your head. There is no reason to feel this pressure. Your parents are hundred of miles away and they love you. But only you can protect yourself from them. You've got everything going for you, DA. EVERYTHING. I think what you fear most is success.

I think you fear being happy, because then you'd have to take responsability for your actions. I think that subconciously, you like to be unhappy. You can drink and have these pitty parties and therefore a lot of attention. I wonder if it's the type of attention you need. I don't think so.


There's a deep place inside ourselves where we're scared to go. But from time to time, no matter how hard, we just have to force ourselves and confront it. Face your deamons, DA, or else you risk to f*ck up all your life and all these efforts will be for nothing. Just don't quit!

don't give up.

[Star]

Originally Posted by darkangelism

i thought a lot tonight about this, tried to stop with drinking, which worked for awhile, but it came back, i even reached the point where i had a cigarette in my hand b4 i realized it wasnt gonna help and gave it back, i think im gonna write her a nice poem then walk away, i dont want any more nights of crying myself to sleep. i need an escape from life. I started having suicidal thoughts, like what would i say b4 i go, what would happen after, i have studied suicide in school throughly, and my thoughts are scary. i just hope id call somebody b4 it was too late, bcause if i try i wont fail. i have a suicide hotline number stored on my computer.

okay DA. why are you so obsessed with all these girls? and why are you allowing this to happen to yourself? The only person who can control your feelings is you, nobody else.

What's all this talk about suicide? what would that solve? The only person that looses out in life by doing that is the person who commits suicide, nobody else so what's the point? Personally, I don't feel sorry for anyone who commits suicide. I find them cowards. that's just reality. so, enough with that kind of talk.

How old are you? 21 or 22? you're still young! my god! at that age, i wasn't obsessing over finding my perfect mate for life; in fact, i was having a blast with friends. Male and female friends. You have plenty of friends so get out there with them and start having some fun with them instead of obsessing about them.

Life is full of hurdles that need to be jumped. Nobody has the "perfect" life on easy street. People deal with it and jump the hurdles and move onto to the next one.

DA, concentrate on your studies, see your counsellor, jump the hurdles and for god sakes, have some fun! don't waste your youth of stuff like this. you will live to regret it.

[darkangelism]

i think twinkle is right, i am afraid of success and enjoy having people pity me. But if i go after my fear of success and dont quit, then i cant get the space i need to cool off. Yesterday was a scary day, the worst depression in a long time, i havnt been suicidal in over a year. I feel better now, but im still not myself and deff not where i want to be. This whole thing is a battle in my head, my instinct is run and hide and make the world go away, get the girls out of my life, stop posting on here(as twinkle said i am just looking for pity. so maybe i should do this)

this has happened before with another girl, where i liked her and didnt deal well when she was seeing other guys, so i picked a fight and got her mad at me so that she didnt want to be my friend. i later apologized and we talk again, though are not the friends we used to be. so the question is do i do that again, which didnt change my feelings or do i find a better way.

I know suicide is not the answer, i knew it last night too, it was just how i felt, its a permenant solution to a temporary problem.

i dont control my feelings, they control me.

i dont have fun, i have times when im less depressed but nothing is ever really fun, even stuff that should be fun isnt, like computer games, they are just work, trying to accomplish some goal. Hanging out with my friends isnt fun, just passes time.

im pretty much waiting around to get old and die.