Holiday Decadence

Samson · 12-14-2004, 01:30 PM

Well I've tried to suppress my natural desires, and I've failed, and in such a miserable cliche: at a Christmas party under the influance of adult beverages. Yes for months (arguably years) my marriage has been cold, and Friday night I needed to kiss, caress, and to have a female return my passion; Alas a coworker.

No before the assult begins on my poor judgement, please know that both of us remained completely clothed, and no "petting" was involved. It was nonetheless an act less of sloppy drunken wanton abandon and more of a mutually intense need.

Can we be expected to remain in unpleasent marriages AND remain celebate? Is this a realistic expectation? I'm begining to realise that despite my nobler intentions (divorcing before involving myself with anyone else) they may taking longer to implement than I've patience.

Interestingly, also Friday night I also saw the young woman that began my serious contemplations regarding divorce. It had been several months since I'd last spoken with her. I was so overcome with appreciation and happiness to see her again I was almost speachless. In fact, I wondered aloud why it was so difficult to talk to her, a problem I've not had for a quarter century: Embarrassing to recall.

She always wonders if I've finally left Delilah. Always. She originally noted my cowardice, almost 18 months ago, and still questions why I remain miserable.

Star · 12-14-2004, 02:04 PM

I don't think that anyone that is extremely unhappy should remain in the marriage. If you're still there though, there must be some love left that you're hanging on to. Are there kids involved?

Being unfaithfull is something that I don't believe should happen. I believe that if a spouse is thinking of cheating, then he/she owes the other the respect of breaking it off first. A marriage that's in trouble is heartbreaking enough. Adding infedelity to it would make the pain worse. Guilt is added when there's infidelity involved.

Marriage is a lot of work. Whenever hubby and I fall into a "rut", I stop and think of what it was that I fell in love with him in the first place and decided that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That usually helps me to work a little harder in fixing the problem that put us in the rut to begin with. Works for us.

Stone · 12-14-2004, 02:10 PM

I heard some poll on the raido this morning that 30% of people will drink at their office christmas parties and make out or have "extra ciricular activities" with their co workers....

:wink: It's actully a common thing don't sweat it.

Stone · 12-14-2004, 02:11 PM

oops double post

twinkle · 12-14-2004, 05:32 PM

Heather's right. It depends on how much you read into what you've done and what's behind this.

If you're decided to remain in this relationship, I can assure you that there'll be bigger temptations along the way to fight. How dedicated are you to your family?

And ultimately, how important is being happy to you?

It this type of decisions that shape our lives.You can remain married and have something on a side... if you have the stomach for it.

(Nice to hear from you)

Twinkle

Duke · 12-14-2004, 08:13 PM

I don't think I'd like to see my wife necking with another guy at a party (drunk or otherwise) so I wouldn't do it to her either. If your marriage sux that much, get out of it and move on.

Merika · 12-15-2004, 09:48 PM

I don't know Duke....sometimes that's easier said than done.

If someone stays in a marriage to do the right thing in financially supporting the family and helping to raise young children, even when the marriage is a miserable failure, there is much respect in that concept.

I totally understand at Cocktail 5....where a person may goof up a little.

Duke · 12-15-2004, 10:16 PM

Ya I know it's easier said than done but that's really the problem. Things seemed so much simpler as children, we were much more open and honest about our feelings. Sometimes I wish we'd learn a bit more from our children.

Merika · 12-15-2004, 11:28 PM

Yeah.....as kids it's easy to say 'I don't want to be your friend anymore.' and the annoying kid can move on. Adults can't do that......and then are stuck in crappy relationships which begin to feel like eternity passing you by.

Samson · 12-16-2004, 08:45 AM

Thanks to all respondents, some of whom are more familiar with the depth and breadth of the tragedy (Diana, Barb) than others: Of course if I could wave a magic wand that would simply dissolve my marriage I would gladly do it, but its sort of like making a wish using the monkey's paw: While it will come true, it will only be at some terrible exacting expense that will cause great regret for ever having though of the wish.

For example, how much will I miss seeing my children every day? How much will I miss 30-50% of my income? Is simply not being in love with someone worth sacrificing these things? And finally, what could balance life without the love of another?

I've seen some use religion, multitudes of cats, 15 hour workdays, and liquor as substitutes, and of course, affairs to balance the wobbly wheel their lives have become.

Drinking mass quantities, cats, and religion make me ill to one degree or another. Maybe a second job would help me work myself into an earlier grave! I'm certain this would work well for Delilah.

Perhaps, like starvation, it is only a matter of time before a mouthful of maggots would be just as satisfying as prime rib? What a lovely analogy! Perhaps this episode of desperate necking is the first alarm: Exit before it gets REALLY BAD? Or, as Heather and Twinkle believe, it is just a fleeting, transient, and common occurrance for the aggregate population?

Star, I agree that affairs are just.....irresponsible. I don't want to leave my family on a basis of having fallen out of love with Delilah and in love with OW, but how do you force falling out of love with OW, then become divorced, then not fall back into love with the original object of affection? AND MOST OF CONCERN: What if transcience of conviction has prevented you from knowing whether or not OW will return your feelings? Ahhhhhh that damn monkey's paw again! Reminding us all to be careful for what we wish for.

Indeed, it is a tangled web..........This stuff of which life is made.

P.S. Already tried the counselling route: Miserable failure costing lots of $$.

Duke · 12-16-2004, 09:11 AM

Well I'm sure getting a divorce now is much better than your wife eventually leaving you for adultry. As much as I see your point, they are all excuses and not solid reasons. As far as missing the children, hell, I miss mine like crazy but it's better than wasting the time I would have with her because I'm miserable due to my marriage.

Samson · 12-16-2004, 09:14 AM

Duke, you are the OW!! :P

Stone · 12-16-2004, 10:21 AM

My friends parents lived togeather the whole time she was growing up like roommates, they both dated other people, and raised their children the kids never had a clue she found out when she wass 19. The sad thing about it was even though the parents dated other people, there realtionships with others we're short because they couldn't commit to other people. i think it's called an open relationship.

i know you've done everything you can to save your marriage, you've given 110% it didn't work, It's time for you to be happy.

Merika · 12-16-2004, 10:56 AM

I've said this before...a person would almost have to have been in a REALLY CRAPPY marriage to know just how miserable one can be. If I had to do it all over again....I wouldn't have stayed in it for ANY reason. It's just not worth getting a decade down the road and realize you've lost a lot of good years hanging onto something which didn't brink an ounce of happiness to anyone invloved.

It's like keeping a car too long or staying in a job which you hate....you only live once.....don't live it miserable and loveless.