girlfriend issue

darkangelism · 06-01-2008, 02:56 AM

Well i have a gf issue, basically she started talking to her ex who she had been in love with right before she left for the summer. So when she went home they hung out, and she never would tell me what went on that night, so i assumed something had happened but i wasnt gonna accuse her of anything, well tonight she told me that he kissed her when they were at a movie. Its not the fact that he kissed her that bothers me its the fact that she wouldnt tell me, and then still continued to talk to him, even the next day she went on about how he had changed and was a different guy. I know what i should do is break up with her and just be done with it, but i really dont know if i can do that. What i really wanna do is make sure the next time she sees him is at his funeral, but obviously i cant do that either.

I really gotta put my foot down and be a man and say he needs to go or i am gonna go

Vautrin · 06-01-2008, 07:42 AM

I think you have described the solution already in your post. But that is a bad situation to be in.

darkangelism · 06-01-2008, 10:51 AM

the thing is im not really mad at her, its easy enough to make excuses for her, they were in public at the movies so i can see her not wanting to make a scene and push him away and make a big deal, but he cant claim any level of ignorance he knew she was my gf, and the way she described how it happened, he totally planned it in advance. So far i have resisted the urge to cuss him out on myspace

Luba · 06-01-2008, 12:01 PM

DA, I don't want to hurt you, but if she's your gf; what is she doing going out with him anyway? Maybe I can even give the benefit of the doubt by saying if she went out with a group of her friends and he was there.....but, alone, together?

DA, I just don't want you getting hurt yet again....

darkangelism · 06-01-2008, 01:23 PM

she still hasnt learned that boys and girls cant really just be friends unless there is no attraction, she thought him and her could just be friends, similiar to how me and her were just friends for awhile, but i wanted her the whole time, just like he wants her, he was just more aggressive about it.

Meanon · 06-01-2008, 03:32 PM

Sorry you are having this hassle again DA

There are a couple of things I'd be concerned about. Firstly, I think this may be the same guy you have posted about before, in which case you will both have known that he was likely to try it on and she knows how you would feel about that, but she went out with him anyway without telling you.

If I'm wrong about that then it could just be that she was being a little naive. A similar thing happened to me a couple of times when I was younger with guy friends. When it did, I was mortified and didn't see them again on my own. I'd pay attention to what her attitude is now and follow your instincts, which in this case seem to be telling you that there is a problem.

darkangelism · 06-01-2008, 06:58 PM

i knew they went out, i just didnt know about the kiss part, she told me they went to the movies but that was it

Luba · 06-01-2008, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

i knew they went out, i just didnt know about the kiss part, she told me they went to the movies but that was it

I guess to take a Positive out of this situation; she did tell you about the 'kiss' part. That's honest! Is she mixed up about how she feels about the both of you? Is she sending you mixed signals? How did you react when she told you?

darkangelism · 06-01-2008, 10:38 PM

she told me now but this happened three weeks ago, they are not speaking to each other anymore because they had a fight unrelated to this, which is how this all came out. Basically they were together for 2 months but never went more then two weeks without fighting and breaking up, but she was totally in love with him and i really dont like having him around, but he put up with me when the situation was reverse so i didnt have any leg to stand on and say dont talk to him, but now i do. I am for the most part over it, there really isnt anything i can do about it now its in the past, they are not speaking, and
meanon i dont think its the same guy that i was talking about last time. The thing is she is insecure about her looks cause she is overweight and she likes the attention that all these guys give her and so she ends up leading them on, this one kinda went to far.

IvyRose · 06-02-2008, 02:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

...thing is she is insecure about her looks cause she is overweight and she likes the attention that all these guys give her...

I think it goes a little deeper than that. It's really up to her to find out why she does what she does.

She's young, she may stop having so many 'guy' friends when she gets older. If she doesn't break this habit, I'd say she has some deep issues that need to be looked at.

Have you asked her to marry you? Do you need to ask in order for her to take this relationship serious?

Do you trust her with male friends? (This is twice, since you've been together now, that something has happened.)

You can put your foot down, but it may not go the way you wish it would. She may enjoy you getting jealous because it fills the void in her ego.

If you both want to take this relationship to another level, I would strongly suggest (even though you are both so young) to find someone to talk to and iron out her issues and couple issues before marrying.

With emotions running on high during the 'Dating Game,' some people get married so fast in fear of losing the other one, ugly issues will likely pop-up later on down the road.

She either needs to run free and 'sew her oats' rather than continually hurting you or buckle down and be content with this relationship. She shouldn't be able to have her cake and eat it too.

It's bad for you and it is also damaging for her.

Meanon · 06-02-2008, 03:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

i really dont like having him around, but he put up with me when the situation was reverse so i didnt have any leg to stand on and say dont talk to him, but now i do. I am for the most part over it, there really isnt anything i can do about it now its in the past.

If I were you I would be understanding about the fact that these things happen, but explain that there is no relationship worth having without caring and trust. You'd trust her more if she had told you straight away, not after she had a fight with him. What if she hadn't had a fight? Would she still be seeing him on her own? What has she learned from the fact that this has happened twice now - how will her behaviour change? Is she bothered that you are upset about it?

There is a way that she can demonstrate that the relationship means enough to her to not get herself in this position with him again. She could willingly volunteer not to see him on her own again, even if they resolve whatever the issue is they have had a fight over. I wouldn't demand this, but if you said it would help put your mind at rest and she won't consider it, then I think it likely that she will keep doing it to boost her self esteem and that would cause problems.

Amongst people I know, having friends of the opposite sex is quite common, I get the impression that's the case with your friends too. When I think about it, when we were students most of the girls got themselves in this sort of position at least once - some told, some didn't but all of them made damn sure it didn't happen again, with anyone.

IR_Efrem · 06-02-2008, 12:13 PM

Dude, get mad!

I'm [edit: NOT] saying that reacting on that anger is a good thing, but this deserves some anger. It's the reason why you are angry that is important here. So she is saying he is a changed guy... WHY is she telling you? Think about that. More head games, whether she realizes it or not...

I am assuming that she knows you have some self esteem issues. Is she playing on those emotions of yours? Perhaps she knows she can have you back no matter what.

I agree with you 100% here DA, it's not that the kiss happened, it's that she spent the rest of the evening with the guy. When she should have acted indignant and left him there on the spot.

You say that she is naive about male/female relationships and that she enjoys the extra attention. We are talking about her ex here aren't we?

If I was in your place and I wanted to keep my relationship with this woman but still wanted to let her know that I didn't appreciate the actions that she was taking. Well I would tell her all that I was feeling. There is no need to get angry and make demands, this will only serve to push anyone away.

If she knows how you feel about it all and things like this happen again well then it's up to you to decide what path to take then.

Good luck bro. I hope all works out for the best.

darkangelism · 06-02-2008, 02:19 PM

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