Fear of commitment, fear of being alone

[Duke]

I have both.

I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it either.

Anyone else been in my situation?

[Merika]

I have the fear of committment....but I don't fear being alone. That doesn't mean that I'll stay single because I very well may be with someone down the line. However, I don't worry about it either way at all.

[Duke]

I don't really worry about it. It just seems like such a stupid paradox that I don't really understand it.

[Stone]

I understand 110% I have both as well and I can't explain it either :?

[Duke]

I wonder if there's some information on how to deal with this :?

[Stone]

I wonder what the heck it's really called.... Where is meanon when you need her LOL

[Duke]

narcisscizzors?

[Merika]

The merintho-philo-phobic fights feelings of love. He denies love.

The merintho-philo-phobic will fight loving you.

Here's an interesting article I could relate to:
http://commitment-phobia.com/commitment3.html

I think when you are younger....it worries you more because you can fear than your commitment problems will keep you from having a conventional family life. When the truth is....if you had one....you may very well be miserable.

Maybe that changes if you meet the right person though.

[Duke]

Ya but I'm an old fogey now and still have the problem.

[Meanon]

narcisscizzors?

Meeow!

Like any phobia, you need to islolate the specific fears (what do you think will happen if you are committed?) and then expose yourself to them in a controlled manner over time. Our fears are almost always worse than the reality, the phobia loses it's grip and becomes more manageable.

Often it's risk avoidance, a sensible response if you've been burnt in the past but ultimately counterproductive. You may not get abandoned but you end up alone.

It really helps if, like Merika, you can find a way to be happy alone. That lessens the risks you take in relationships, you can love well because you know you can survive it's loss.

[Duke]

My problem is I hate being told what to do constantly. I'm an adult and can do what I want when I want to do it. Almost every relationship I've been in has turned into wifey becoming mommy because I admit to being a bit immature acting sometimes, just like most every other man I know.

[Merika]

Yeah....I have a MAJOR problem with someone telling me what to do or asking me where I've been or are going. This is a major deal for me.....and pisses me off to no end.

[Duke]

I don't mind compromise, so long as I'm not the one doing all the compromising.