Date is set, but...

[PepsiChic]

23rd November 2008 - planned date

Myself and Fireblade have hired a lawyer to get me a visa to immigrate to the US. Hopefully should have the visa by October and the wedding date is set for November.

We're getting tremendous support from Fireblades family, We've had to get all kinds of "evidence" together to show we've met within the last 2 years, and that we plan to marry and live together.

Was all excited earlier talking to his mum, his mum is going to help me organize it all, and we're gonna start looking at venues soon, and go dress shopping while im over there for 3 weeks in july.

its a huge step forward development wise and im looking forward to getting back there for 3 whole weeks to enjoy some time together during the summer.

Im pretty overwhelmed by the support his family are showing, help with the lawyer, have written letters and helped give evidence of meeting me and are giving us a place to live and money towards the wedding. and they are generally really happy for us.

My parents however, dont even know we're getting married. because their lack of support is devastating. and as much as i love them. I want to live my life with Fireblade and so im going to do what i think is the right thing to do for my happiness and future.

I just hope they wont hate me for it for the rest of my life i feel really guilty for not telling them, the reason i havent is because they will chuck me out "their" house and i have no-where else to go currently. So i will have to tell them when i leave. I hate keeping it from them, but if i dont have a place to live before i move then im in trouble and financially wont be able to do it.

What do you all think? should i tell them and hope they dont kick me out? leave it till last minute? am i a bad person for doing this when they dont want me to? i certainly feel a large level of guilt and sadness from the lack of support they give me.

[Vautrin]

I assume once you are married you hold residence status in the US, right? So that would be one less worry.

Tricky situation.

What do they think of FB?

[PepsiChic]

well my mum was unsocial and sat in the kitchen with my sisters fiance but my dad, brother, aunty and 2 cousins loved him.

which surprised me coz hes the first guy ive ever really brought home. we stayed a good 5 or 6 hours and all sat drinking and playing the wii together and chatting and my dad got on really well with him which was the one person i thought wouldnt.

im the baby in the family out of 3, my sister is 4 years older and my brother is 3 years older then me. my parents dont want me to grow up, despite me being the first o have moved out (at 15) and the first to get a job, the first to be in a long term relationship, the first to travel abroad etc etc

everyone else but my parents tell me im very mature for my age, my parents dont say im immature but they dont treat me as an adult. Its perfectly fine that my sister is getting married, however when i told them i was engaged they hit the roof.

and yes once ive married fb i can stay in the US, we'll be staying for a year or 2 and then hopefully moving back to the UK to settle more permanently.

[Luba]

As a parent myself, PC, I'm going to be blunt and frank about this. If you feel you can't tell them and they eventually find out and are hurt, it's too bad, brought on by the parents themselves. They have a lovely daughter who cannot share THE most important day in her life with them; that is just SO, SO sad! I don't know your parents and I don't want to judge them, but, for some unknown reason, they aren't letting you grow up in their eyes and want you to stay their little girl. Why should you feel guilty for being in love? It is YOUR life, after all!

I think that is why, some of us fail as parents. We have children but refuse to see them take their own path, especially if we are rigid and want them to do what we hand envisioned for them!

Only you know, PC, when you can tell them. The wrong advice here could have you out their door (which is something I don't understand). Why would they hate you forever, and why were they so upset when you got engaged?

[darkangelism]

Being in the US should be good for you

[TKDLady]

You know your parents and your situation better than any of us. You do what you have to in order to make your transition to the US and to FB as uncomplicated as possible. Don't feel guilty if you decide not to tell them. They brought it on themselves. Once you are settled you can explain your reasons to them if you feel the need, even apologize if you want to but do what is best for you right now. If they truly love you they will come around eventually. Just keep the lines of communication open once you move out.

Congratulations by the way. That is so cool that you have such support from his parents. When the wedding is over we want lots of pictures!!

[PepsiChic]

Originally Posted by Luba

Only you know, PC, when you can tell them. The wrong advice here could have you out their door (which is something I don't understand). Why would they hate you forever, and why were they so upset when you got engaged?

I think they would hate me for going against their wishes and for making them feel like bad parents. They dont like that i got engaged because it was to a guy i had never introduced them to. Me and fb have been together for nearly a year and a half, and my parents think we're going too fast.

They arent bad parents in the sense that they have taught me well in many things, being respectful, polite, good manners etc etc but i do wish they would trust me when i believe im doing the right thing.

it makes me feel very disheartened sometimes when i try to breach the conversation with them and they refuse to talk about it or just be so negative an argument always follows.

What i would so dearly love, is their approval of my decision and to know they will support me whatever. It can be very stressful trying to sort it all out and knowing they wont be there.

Originally Posted by TKDLady

Congratulations by the way. That is so cool that you have such support from his parents. When the wedding is over we want lots of pictures!!

thankyou It is great his family are so supportive, his mum wrote a great letter for the lawyer yesterday, explaining that we are gonna go dress and cake shopping in july and his baby sister and brother love me and his grandma too. Its helped and given me a huge boost to keep focused. and im sure if his mum gets her way there will be thousands of photos

its not just his family that help tho, supportive wise, this online family have been the greatest, with me and fb both being here and posting, we've taken in so much good information and help from you all.

Its truly amazing what you can learn about yourself and eachother when everyone gives a bit of love and support.

[Luba]

Okay, PC, just a thought I'm having, and you know me, if it's there, post it!

From my own experience, I wish SOOOO much that I had gotten to know my Mom and Dad before they passed away. There was SOOOO much left unsaid and SOOOO much I don't know about their lives; only the sadness that I saw! I never really asked much about my Mom or Dad or their feelings, and now I wish I had. I really only have a Superficial legacy and how sad is that?

Just for the wonderful loving person you are, PC, how about opening communication with them? Ask them about their lives, and you might find out what unhappiness they lived through and were unable to communicate. In our parents generation so many didn't talk about what they felt, what they loved, what moved them, what dreams they had, what hopes they had. I don't know anything of that about mine, and I sure wish I did. You might find that once communication is opened and what a loving, caring daughter you are (I'm sure they know that, but just haven't voiced it enough), they will listen to what you have to say about your dreams with FB, and trust that you made a wonderful choice for your Mate!