Confused.

[wolvesjr34]

J. is like a lighthouse that may just direct me to the rocks. I feel disenchanted and like that will never happen and that it was just a practical joke of a grand scale.

Someone who was very dear to me came back into my life (we shall call her A.) recently and it has caused me to think a lot about the past. I made a mistake with her and walked out on her life because she was a temptation that was drawing me away from B.. I was determined to stay true to the woman I loved, and I did, but at what price? My happiness?

There was so much going on at the time, that I went with the safe option and ran away. I ignored that stirring inside that urged me to reach out and take a hold of something that felt good. Told myself I just felt like B. wasn't paying me enough attention and I was thus responding to attention I received elsewhere. So I recalibrated and returned my focus to B., the woman I loved.

Fast forward to the moment I started speaking to A. again and every moment since that we speak. I can't shake her. It's frustrating. Because once again I have to ignore something screaming out inside me, because of the way I feel for J. and perhaps more importantly the way A. feels about another (if only she realised).

I am genuinely confused by the way I feel right now. I seriously feel like I am being torn in two. The only thing I am sure of, is it doesn't matter what happens - I'm sure it's not a happy ending for me.

[wolvesjr34]

Well after chatting with Fireblade earlier, I can soundly say I'm not really confused anymore. I know exactly where my heart lies.

Even if most people think I should look elsewhere, J. just... I'm surprised I even doubted myself. But then really I suppose it's only natural.